Dear Jeremy

I seem to be stuck in a culture of patronage. Should I just leave? I have worked in sales and marketing roles for blue chip healthcare companies for several years. Five years ago I was a national sales and marketing manager, responsible for two departments and over a hundred direct and indirect reports. I climbed the career ladder through sheer determination and hard work but was never a great networker. I then decided to take a career break and look after my twin girls for the first three years of their life, confident that I would be able to go back to the industry. When I decided to go back, two years ago, I was told by recruiters that I had no chance of a senior position, as the market was flooded with senior managers who had been made redundant. I therefore took a more junior account management role in a company with a great reputation for career opportunities, hoping I would be able to prove myself and take on more responsibility. Two years on, I have had excellent appraisals from my managers and earned the respect of close colleagues. Despite this, I am pessimistic about my real chances to progress. Vacancies are sometimes advertised internally but every time I have expressed an interest I have been told that other people had been already promised those jobs. Other vacancies are not even advertised and jobs seem to be divvied up among those who are close to the senior managers. I have been told I need to "increase my visibility" with senior managers and network in the bar in the evening etc. I feel very demoralised. I do not like this way of working and never encouraged it when I was in a senior role myself. This culture of patronage seems to be so ingrained that everybody just accepts it and tries to "get a place in the queue". I am tempted to leave but I am worried I would find the same situation elsewhere. I just would like to be rewarded for my work and my talents and not for my (I must admit not great) networking skills. You've never been comfortable with "networking". Because it doesn't come naturally to you, I suspect you look down on it rather more than you should; that privately you've always been a little dismissive of colleagues who seem to achieve preferment at least as much through their social contacts as through hard work and determination. And, of course, during that first phase of your career, hard work and determination were indeed enough for you to achieve success. Now, after a break of five years, you find yourself back down the pecking order – and apparently and unfairly missing out on every opportunity for advancement. From what you tell me, your new company's culture does seem over-infected by personal whim and patronage. And it may well be that someone such as yourself will never be happy in such an environment. But before you decide that, whatever the risk, a change is essential, please stop and think a little about this business of "networking" and what it really means. At its worst, and which you'd rightly abhor, it is sycophancy, buying drinks for senior people, going out of your way to do them personal favours and laughing immoderately at their feeble jokes. None of that would I dream of suggesting you attempted – not least because you'd be hopeless at it. But there's another side to networking that entails little more than treating ­colleagues, whether junior or senior, as other human beings – and appreciating their company as well as their contributions to the task in hand. To be seen to like the people you work with is not a sign of weakness. I hope you don't find this suggestion hurtful but it seems to me possible that your unease with networking may be interpreted by others as evidence of stand-offishness. In a perfect world, perhaps, popularity shouldn't influence promotion; but, all other things being equal, it's only human to wish good things to happen to those you like – and who seem to quite like you. Redundancy is on the cards. What can I do to secure a 'good' exit? I work for a large multinational, in IT, mainly technology strategy. The group I work in isn't doing well. About 15% of people were made redundant last summer and it's widely anticipated that the rest of us will follow later this year. As I've got about eight months to prepare, what would you suggest doing now? I want to put myself in as strong a position as possible in terms of securing a "good" exit and particularly in terms of finding a decent job on a similar salary (which may be difficult). I've recently redone my CV, updated my LinkedIn profile and have signed up for a couple of courses. You seem to be doing all the right things – with possibly one exception. Most job ads, whether in print or online, are curiously impersonal: "We seek high-calibre candidates with previous relevant experience to support the strategic projects we undertake …" "You will have over two years working SEO experience and have a thorough understanding of the SEO process as well as future trends …" Yet ask any organisation which individuals among their existing staff they most value and you'll almost certainly be told about Geoff and Lydia – with a vivid description of their respective personalities. Impersonal job ads encourage ­people to submit impersonal job applications with impersonal CVs. Yet most firms want competent people who are also interesting individuals. So without getting too theatrical about it, try quite hard to present yourself as the distinctive person you know you are. You won't suit everyone but you'll appeal more strongly to some. And you've still got a few months to research the companies that seem most likely to find someone like you well worth interviewing. For Jeremy Bullmore's advice on a work issue, send a brief email to [email protected] . Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or reply personally Readers' advice • In your response to the letter from a vehicle technician who wants to further his career (Dear Jeremy, 20 February), I would also suggest the writer gets a dyslexia assessment. The writer's abilities seem much better than his (or her) academic achievement suggests – I have known several people who have found that they have had undiagnosed specific learning difficulties and have been greatly helped, often by simple aids such as coloured spectacles. Dan Smith • I work in further education and come across young and older people who think they are not academic but go on to study foundation degrees, which they combine with employment and therefore do not have to forgo a salary. From this young man's letter a foundation degree would be worth exploring. Cathy Mbanga • The motor-sport world may suit the vehicle repair man. There are loads of companies in Oxfordshire who are involved in rallying or Formula One. There's a good motor-sport course at Oxford and Cherwell Valley college. My son got into motor-sport engineering through that route; like your correspondent he preferred solving problems and action rather than academia. Nimmi Naidoo • Is the young man really desperate to do something different? He also says he really enjoys his work. His family may be giving him the impression that manual work is beneath him, but I think if he's not academic then he's lucky to have found work that he enjoys, is good at and earns him decent money. It may be his family's expectations, not his job, that's the problem; he must follow his own path. Kath Guille Did Jeremy get it right? Email [email protected] and we'll print the best replies