Did I say that? Martin Amis

ATTENDING A DARTS EXHIBITION MATCH IN A PUB There is no equivalent in darts to the wrong-footing cross-court top-spin backhand half-volley (1988) ANTICIPATING A "SILVER TSUNAMI" There'll be a population of demented very old people, like an invasion of terrible immigrants, stinking out the restaurants and cafes and shops... There should be a [euthanasia] booth on every corner where you can get a martini and a medal (2010) ON OSAMA BIN LADEN'S GRIEVANCES Sometimes you think it's down to birth order. He's the 15th child out of 57. You know what a bitch that can be (2009) ON LITERARY CRITIC TERRY EAGLETON He's like an old boxer who keeps picking fights. But it's time for him to take off his trunks (2008) ON HILLARY CLINTON'S DUST-JACKET PHOTO She looks like the wife of some sulphurous video vicar, who, any day now, will be found in a motel somewhere, under a heap of prostitutes (1996) ON HIS FATHER, KINGSLEY If he had been a postman, then I would have been a postman. If he had been a travel agent, then I would have been a travel agent. Do you get the idea? (2007) ON BRITISH FOOTBALLERS BEING PAID A LOT In the post-goal frenzy, when the players roll and cuddle and leap in that delightful way, what are they saying to each other? "Sapient!"? "Profound!"? "Erudite!"? "Perspicacious!"?'(1981) ON THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO HIM One day, I returned home from a book tour in the US, and I noticed that the leading edge of the toilet roll in the bathroom wasn't folded into an inviting V – as it was in all those American hotels (2007) ON FEMINISM I am not a feminist – I am a gynocrat. That is to say, I believe in rule by chicks... Feminism, I think, is halfway through its second trimester (2007) TRYING HIS HAND AT TRAVEL WRITING When it comes to flying, I am a nervous passenger but a confident drinker and Valium-swallower. And although I wasn't exactly goosing the stewardesses or singing "Viva España", I was certainly in holiday mood (1975) ON WHY HE COULDN'T GET AN INTERVIEW WITH MADONNA The reason she seemed to be giving was this: I was too famous. "Madonna," I wanted to tell her, "don't say another word. I completely understand" (1992)