Bangladesh v England - day two as it happened

Preamble Hello. On the long list of Things That Do Strange Things To Man, scoreboard pressure comes somewhere between a five-for-one offer on cans of 5.2% ABV Temporary Happiness Facilitator, that scene in Audition – kiri kirk kiri! – and vulnerable dames. Had England batted first on this Dhaka shirtfront, they would have scored 600; but I bet you they get nowhere near that now that Bangladesh have posted a decent first-innings total. They resume on 330 for eight after a cracking first day's play. England have only ever won 13 overseas Tests (just two of them in Asia) in which their opponents have batted first and posted at least 330 and, while that will be 14 this time next week, I think Bangladesh are going to give them a significant scare in this match. So, to summarise the above, England will close on 372 for nought in reply to Bangladesh's 330 all out. Remember, remember when New Zealand away was a tough fixture *? These days even England win series there, for heaven's sake. * It was too! For the younger reader – I don't think it'll be plural at this hour, somehow – they didn't lose a single series at home between 1979 and 1992 , when the shock of seeing Dermot Reeve in whites led to a 2-0 defeat by England. Mezzanine music department Darn this is good . And this , while dismally trite given the hour, is always good for a Proustian Rush. Now, this is quite a neat idea : a book in which people write a letter to their 16-year-old selves. Beyond the whole Biff Tannen/Sports Almanac stuff, what would you tell yourself. Fun.E answers preferable; long revelations of a soul bruised beyond recognition are fascinating enough, but maybe not at this hour. It wasn't me who brought him up department "Thanks very much, Rob," says Phil Sawyer. "After yesterday's OBO I am now obsessed with Eduard Khil. I have emailed that video to all of my friends (yes, both of them). I forced my New Zealand residing sister to watch it while we had a webcam chat. I got funny looks when I found myself humming it in the queue at Asda. I even thought I could hear it in the background while watching the IPL this afternoon. Aural hallucinations of Eduard Khil. And I thought my life had already sunk to the lowest point it could possibly reach. Is there any room left in that Winners' Enclosure?" Talking of that video, I love the bit where he sees Ian Bell batting . 95th over: Bangladesh 336-8 (Naeem Islam 34, Shafiul Islam 12) Okay. It will be Stuart Broad to open the bowling; I hope it's Swann at the other end. There is only one slip for Naeem Islam, and two slips and a gully for the No10 Shafiul, who edges at catchable height through fourth slip and away for four. "Things to tell the 16-year-old me," begins Clare Small. "Don't try to do the Flashdance dance at your friend's 30th birthday – you are not that flexible any more, and you were never very good at dancing. There are other things, but probably best not talked about now." The bad thing ! 96th over: Bangladesh 339-8 (Naeem Islam 37, Shafiul Islam 12) It is indeed Graeme Swann, who should eyes on another five-for here. Naeem turns down a single from each of the first three deliveries but keeps the strike by steering a classy three to third man off the final ball of the over. Well played. "Letter to my 16-year-old self," says Neil Stork-Brett. "There will be a party in your near future. You will be tempted to show off and chug home-made potato wine from a plastic two-litre bottle. Don't. Just don't. " I probably wouldn't have a single piece of advice for my 16-year-old self, so smoothly have things gone since then. 97th over: Bangladesh 344-8 (Naeem Islam 38, Shafiul Islam 16) Naeem takes a single off the fourth delivery of Broad's over, and then Shafiul larrups a length delivery from Broad through the covers for four. "Letter to my 16-year-old self," says Chris Wright. "I would tell myself: 'Don't snap that drainpipe in half. It belongs to your neighbour, and your dad isn't going to appreciate the comedy value in the morning.'" 98th over: Bangladesh 344-8 (Naeem Islam 38, Shafiul Islam 16) Naeem is a really handy No8 on the evidence of this series, and he is playing Swann with real comfort. He turns down another single in that over, but can't get off strike from the final delivery. It's a maiden. "Are you alone?" says David Barnes. "That must be a bit weird." Well I haven't really thought about it. I suppose I am, but just because you're sin- ah, you mean at work. Yes, it's brilliant. I mean that because it's novel, not because there nobody's here, as I love each and every one of my workmates. It's all about the novelty. Have you ever been in a cinema alone? Now that's novel, and extremely weird. I watched A Simple Plan completely alone at Bluewater in the summer of 1999. Yet another great story, brilliantly told. 99th over: Bangladesh 354-8 (Naeem Islam 39, Shafiul Islam 25) Shafiul steers consecutive deliveries from Broad to third man, and this is now officially an Irritating Partnership. It's hard to disagree with Mike Atherton's assessment that this is poor captaincy; even though Shafiul is backing away to Broad, England have three men on the leg side with little to do except scratch their derrieres and contemplating the meaning of life. "At least the Eduard Khil video is bad in a good way," says Paul Ilechko, "unlike the Jónsi thing you linked to which is bad in a teeth-grinding New Age Enya-esque kind of way." New Age Enya? You say that like it's a bad thing. 100th over: Bangladesh 355-8 (Naeem Islam 40, Shafiul Islam 25) "Letter to my 16-year-old self," says Andy Martin. "When you're driving your friends home from school, don't get flummoxed when they start chanting the A-Team theme song. Brake a little sooner and watch out for loose gravel or you'll go in the ditch. That's a 1970 pickup you're driving, not a rally car." 101st over: Bangladesh 355-8 (Naeem Islam 40, Shafiul Islam 25) You can tell when Broad's frustrated. Mainly because he looks like he is one false syllable away from chinning someone; you don't exactly need Columbo to spot it. He is frustrated now. Naeem turns down a single to third man early in the over, and it's another maiden. God I hate lower-order partnerships like this. Nothing will ever exceed the horror of David Richardson and Paul Adams in 1995-96 , mind. "I don't know who the commentators on TMS are, but during a discussion a few overs back on techniques an exchange on which hand you use for batting cropped up," says Mark Taylor. "It was only ever going to go down one path, and resulted in Mark Butcher saying 'I use my right hand for everything.....er.... cooking..er... writing... you know..everything'. So I guess I would say to my 16-year-old self: grow up, and don't waste your life looking for the perfect double entendre." Isn't that what you need to say to your current self, never mind the 16-year-old one? 102nd over: Bangladesh 359-8 (Naeem Islam 40, Shafiul Islam 29) Swann beats Shafiul with a lovely delivery that goes straight on. Shafiul replies with a no-nonsense cover-drive for four. This is a cracking little knock. "It's been said over this tour (and I agree) that Bangladesh have three or four very good players, and few of them are regarded as absolute wastrels either," says Lee James. "How far away are they from being, say, considered better than the Windies? Are we talking one or two strike bowlers and a middle-order adhesive Dravid type and they could beat New Zealand/Pakistan/England at home? Or is it more radical than that?" They will go nowhere fast until they get two decent seamers. We're not talking about Chaminda Vaases; just a couple of Ravi Ratnayekes would do. At the moment they don't even have a Pramodya Wickramasinghe . 103rd over: Bangladesh 359-8 (Naeem Islam 40, Shafiul Islam 29) Broad has gone off the field, suffering from bruised pride, so on comes Tim Bresnan. Naeem is beaten by a peach that turns him round and then seams away. "I've finally realised what's been bugging me about Tim Bresnan," says Simon Horner. "Stick him in a pastel shellsuit top, and you've got Nice Guy Eddie off of Reservoir Dogs ." I love the phrase "off of"; it's brilliantly naff. 104th over: Bangladesh 369-8 (Naeem Islam 40, Shafiul Islam 39) Shafiul carries on chirpily, lacing Swann through extra-cover for four and then pulling the filthiest of long hops for four to bring up the fifty partnership. "I wish I could think of something witty and/or insightful to say," says Steven Grubb, mistaking this for a place where wit and insight are in evidence, "but frankly, its 3am. And after a few bottles/cans/glasses of Temporary Happiness Facilitator (% ABV varies), who can? So to follow from the... genius? of Eduard Khil, I can only give you this . Watch it, and love it." I think we've hit the motherload! 105th over: Bangladesh 373-8 (Naeem Islam 44, Shafiul Islam 39) Naeem Islam edges Bresnan low to third man for four. "What advice would I give the 16-year-old me?" says Ben Shepherd. "I have a better question. What sort of sadist invites a bunch of OBO-following losers to dwell on their regrets at 3.30 in the morning?" 106th over: Bangladesh 381-8 (Naeem Islam 44, Shafiul Islam 47) Swann is replaced by Tredwell. Shafiul mows his second ball just short of the diving Finn at mid-off, and it goes through him for four. Later in the over he drags one just over the leaping mid-on for four more. This is very good stuff from Bangladesh, and increasingly hilarious, even especially if you're an England fan. "Letter to my 16-year-old self," begins Dean Butler. "Your criminal lifestyle, drink, drugs, loose women and general partying over the next six or seven years will contain a tawdry sort of glamour and from a narrow perspective may seem fun, However in 20 years' time you'll be doing shit work at shit places at 4am. The two are probably connected." I like the fact that you haven't told your 16-year-old self to take a different path in life; you've simply told him how it's going to be. 107th over: Bangladesh 381-8 (Naeem Islam 44, Shafiul Islam 47) Naeem blocks another disciplined over from Bresnan. He is holding up an end for Shafiul at the moment. "Welcome to the OBOers-alone fraternity Rob," says Graham Mooney, welcoming me into my own house. "No novelty for us. That's why were here. In fact, probably most of us are are alone even when there's somebody else in the room. Yes, I think that's what I'd write to my 16-year-old self." 108th over: Bangladesh 387-8 (Naeem Islam 44, Shafiul Islam 53) Shafiul reaches a superb fifty, from only 47 balls, by thrashing Tredwell over extra-cover for four. It's his first in any form of the game, never mind Tests. Well played. "I give you this ," says Khademul Islam. "It's theme is don't worry, life's too short. Dedicated to Stuart Broad!" WICKET! Bangladesh 388-9 (Shafiul Islam c Prior b Bresnan 53) Bah. That's the end of the fun. Shafiul has a needless fiddle at a wide one from Bresnan, and Prior takes a brilliant low catch in front of first slip. It wouldn't have reached first slip, so that's high-class stuff from Prior. 109th over: Bangladesh 388-9 (Naeem Islam 45, Rubel Hossain 0) Rubel Hossain survives the rest of the over. He has a first-class batting average of 2.52 and a Test average of 2.17, so expect Naeem to play a few shots now. 110th over: Bangladesh 393-9 (Naeem Islam 46, Rubel Hossain 4) Steven Finn replaces James Tredwell. Naeem takes a single off the fourth ball, and then Rubel edges low to third man for four. With one false stroke, he equals his highest Test score. "Hats, coats and sundry body parts off to Steven Grubb (104th over)," says Ian Rubinstein. "I thought that one of the few funny Germans was pretty good, but I think I've been Czech-mated." 111th over: Bangladesh 397-9 (Naeem Islam 50, Rubel Hossain 4) In an unexpected development, Bangladesh get a boundary to third man, Naeem off Bresnan this time. That's only the sixth of the morning session. It takes Naeem to a hugely impressive half-century, a really mature 150-ball effort. "Prior - a brilliant catch?" sniffs John Wilson. "Prior, the man with a mouth where gloves ought to be? Brilliant? How early is it where you are? It must be a relief to see the back of this bloke but....quand meme!" It is approximately 4.35.32am. 112th over: Bangladesh 401-9 (Naeem Islam 50, Rubel Hossain 8) Rubel Hossain drives Finn very pleasantly through the covers for four to bring up the 400. It's been a great effort from Bangladesh, particularly in the two morning sessions. "Thank you to Steven Grubb (104th over)," says Phil Sawyer. "That vid is so wrong and yet so right. I'm not sure what I love most about it. The gravitas they deliver the song with, Mister Beardy Jittery Dancer, or the mysterious implement that is occasionally blown into by the guy in the tux. Oh, actually I know exactly what the best bit is. Mr Gurny at 2.02. I'm going to be seeing his face in my sleep for years. If I ever sleep again after seeing that." Who would want to sleep when they have that stored in their heed? 113th over: Bangladesh 405-9 (Naeem Islam 54, Rubel Hossain 8) This is interesting: Naeem ducks under a bouncer from Bresnan, who is completely alone in a really big appeal. The umpire Rod Tucker looks him up and down like he's grown an extra leg. The reason for the appeal was that Naeem left his bat raised like a periscope, so the ball could theoretically have shaved it on the way through to Matt Prior. Replays gave no reason to suggest he was out. Bresnan had the look of a man who has just told a joke and laughed his heart out, only to realise that it's gone down like a lead balloon. Naeem Islam ends the over by squirting a drive to... you don't really need me to say where, do you? 114th over: Bangladesh 413-9 (Naeem Islam 54, Rubel Hossain 16) This is getting silly. Rubel Hossain drives Finn ex quisitely through mid-off for four, holding the pose at the end of his follow-through like a champion. How the hell can a man with a first-class average of 2.52 play that shot?! He goes for a drive later in the over and snicks it through third slip for four. This is great stuff from Bangladesh, but England – and particularly their captain – have had a desperate morning. 115th over: Bangladesh 417-9 (Naeem Islam 58, Rubel Hossain 16) Naeem edges Bresnan low for four to – correct – third man. One thing springs to mind . 116th over: Bangladesh 419-9 (Naeem Islam 59, Rubel Hossain 17) Finn (10-2-61-1) is replaced by Swann. Nothing happens. You've got to laugh, really. Oh-hoo-hoo. Eh? 117th over: Bangladesh 419-9 (Naeem Islam 59, Rubel Hossain 17) A maiden from the impressive Bresnan to Naeem. Given the expected deterioration of this pitch, England will have to bat very well now in their first innings, or this could get hilariously messy. They need to bat until, when, about an hour before the close tomorrow? "Please tell me I'm not the only one to have witnessed that bizarre sight," says Doug Velardo. "A guy in a jacket dancing a very, very whiteman dance." Racist. Yes it wasn't pretty: some pasty ginger fella in a suit trying to do a bit of dancing between deliveries. It wasn't pretty. WICKET! Bangladesh 419 all out (Rubel Hossain c Prior b Swann 17) Rubel Hossain thin-edges Swann through to Prior, and that's the end of a fine 90 minutes' entertainment. Swann ends with four for 114 and England need 220 to avoid the follow-on. See you in five minutes. INNINGS BREAK 1st over: England 1-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 1, Trott 0) Shafiul Islam, who bowled pretty well in the one-day series, opens the bowling. Cook works a single off his pads, and that gives poor old Jonathan Trott – whose reward for a hundred on debut in an Ashes decider was to become England's Polyfilla – his first delivery as a Test opener. He blocks it. He blocks a lot of deliveries. I wonder if he ever gets bored. "Letter to my 16-year-old self," says Poppy McNee. "Stop messing around and write this down – start in 2000, brew, ethereal, media puzzle, makybe diva, makybe diva, makybe diva, delta blues, efficient, viewed, shocking." I've got it: it's the track listing from Skiffle Jazz Vol. 24, isn't it ? 2nd over: England 3-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 3, Trott 0) The left-arm spinner Abdur Razzak will open the bowling. I love it when spinners open the bowling; it feels thrillingly deviant, and I'm all about thrills and deviancy. I still sometimes wake up in a cold sweat at night shouting "Dipak Patel 10-1-36-1". He has a slip, gully and short leg for Cook, who survives a muted shout for LBW off the final ball. It was going down. 3rd over: England 3-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 3, Trott 0) This is brilliant: it's spin at both ends, with Shakib Al Hasan replacing Shafiul after just one over. Bangladesh are very lively and vocal in the field, certainly in contrast to the first innings of the first Test; misplaced or not, there is the whiff of an uprising here. Trott is solid in defence, and it's a maiden. In other news, Eddie Cant may or may not have drinking; I'm not one to judge. "Just want to mention Jamie T, die-hard cricket follower, always reading it, me and his dad rolling around on the floor doesn't stop him. But I'm starting to get into it too." You know you love something if that love isn't disturbed by the sight of your dad rolling around on the floor with a man called Cant. 4th over: England 4-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 4, Trott 0) The ball isn't really turning much; the main problem for England today will be the presumption of demons rather than actual ones. Trott is playing purely for lunch and blocks most of that Razzak over, although he was turned round by the final delivery. 5th over: England 4-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 4, Trott 0) The offspinner Mahmudullah comes on for the last over before lunch, so we've had four bowlers in five overs. Cook defends diligently, and that's the end of a great morning session for Bangladesh. England have a job on here. See you in half an hour. LUNCH And here's some lunchtime listening . 6th over: England 8-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 5, Trott 0) Abdur Razzak will start after lunch, around the wicket to Jonathan Trott. A poor delivery brings three leg-byes and then Cook works a single to leg. "Just regarding your stat in the preamble, it seems that only twice have England won a game abroad after conceding more than 419 runs in the first innings of a Test match," says Andrew Buddery. "Once in an 1894 Ashes Test that lasted six days, and once where they were effectively handed victory by the West Indies . I think it's fair to argue with no hyperbole whatsoever that should England go on to win this, it will be the best backs-to-the-wall victory by a touring England cricket team in Test-match history." 7th over: England 12-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 9, Trott 0) Shafiul Islam returns to the attack. Rubel Hossain is presumably in the side as a specialist No11, a role he fulfilled pretty well earlier in the day. Cook crunches a leg-stump half-volley through midwicket for four, the first boundary of the innings. "Letter to my 16-year-old self?" asks Gary Naylor. "Borrow as much money as possible in the intervening years, then at half-time in the Champions League Final 2005, back Liverpool to win it on penalties." Bah. Biff Tannens, all of you. 8th over: England 12-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 9, Trott 0) Trott still can't get off the mark, playing out a maiden from Razzak. He has faced 21 balls. "I had little idea what to say earlier but now I'm sure that I would tell my 16-year-old self not to share my love of the OBO with Edward Cant because he will actually get an e-mail published on it before you; despite being uninterested in cricket," says Jamie T. "Oh the humiliation." I'd still be more perturbed about the rolling round on the floor, personally. 9th over: England 12-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 9, Trott 0) A maiden from Shafiul to Cook. England's approach is fine for now but they will have to start moving this game along pretty soon if they want to set up a winning position. "This could be a fantastic game," says Nick Stone. "Let's assume that England reach 400 in their first innings. That's probably around par, given the placid nature of the pitch, and that England will be batting mainly on the second day of the match. They concede a manageable first-innings deficit. What happens next will set up a grand finale. Bangladesh will only need around 250-275 runs second time around to make England chase 300+ on a fourth- and likely fifth-day pitch that will be taking spin. If Bangladesh fold in the third innings, then England will still need to chase 200+ which could be tricky. If Bangladesh bat well, they could have enough runs in the bank and enough time left to win comfortably. Make no mistake about it, England will have to bat and bowl very well from here on in to get something from this game." I think 600 is par but even if England get that it'll be a cracking game because the third-innings time/runs equation would come into play. 10th over: England 12-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 9, Trott 0) Trott continues to block his way towards Geoff Allott's record , playing out another maiden from Razzak. Twenty-seven balls now. "For your 4am starts and Kings Cross blues ," says Khademul Islam. Sadly I've never really got jazz, much as I want to. I think you need to be vaguely intelligent to do so. 11th over: England 17-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 14, Trott 0) Cook, pushing at Shafiul, snicks low through the vacant second-slip area for four. 12th over: England 25-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 21, Trott 1) Trott gets off the mark from his 33rd delivery, taking a really dicey single to mid-off, and Cook cuts Razzak for four with crisp authority. In other news, Mark Butcher is doing an excellent stint in the Sky box. No surprise really, as he was always one of the sharper cricketers around. He is also sporting a devilishly cool beard. 13th over: England 28-0 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Cook 21, Trott 4) Trott is really flying now and tucks Shafiul off the hip for three. I'd get Shafiul off and a spinner on; the ball is doing nothing for the quicks. "There's nothing wrong with rolling around, Rob," says Phil Sawyer, barely convincing himself, ever mind anyone else. "As William Shatner demonstrates admirably. As the book of Kirk-Fu says, in the heat of battle 'You roll on the floor towards your opponent - he is so stunned that you are rolling around the floor in the heat of battle, he pauses for an instant, allowing you to knock him over like a skittle.' Evidence can be found here ." WICKET! England 29-1 (Cook c Kayes b Razzak 21) Cook unfurls the slog-sweep for the first time and the last, hoicking Razzak straight to deep midwicket. That's what scoreboard pressure does. It wasn't a great stroke, and Cook puts his gloved left hand to his head while he processes what he has just done. 14th over: England 30-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 4, Pietersen 1) Kevin Pietersen is batting at No3 for the first time in his Test career, and takes his obligatory Red Bull single to mid-off. It was tight but he would have been home even with a direct hit. "I am up on a Sunday morning before the visiting five-year-old," says Lynn Bashforth. "Test cricket in foreign climes does funny things to a body, eh? Was just pondering how marvellously English it is that Jonathan Trott seemed supremely unbothered by a failure to get off the mark for over 30 balls against the weakest bowling attack in the world. He's fitting in just fine." Exactly. Anyone who says he's South African just needs to be shown a video of this innings. 15th over: England 30-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 4, Pietersen 1) An inevitable move from Shakib Al Hasan, who brings himself on so that Pietersen will have left-arm spin from both ends. Pietersen defends with lazy ease, and it's a maiden. "You have at least one reader," says Niall Taylor. "Iit's light outside so doesn't feel at all wrong to be functioning at this hour. Letter to 16-year-old self: my life is so monotonous and humdrum I should advise some sort of rash decision-making. More likely however, it would be 'Your future's not bad, considering. Mustn't grumble.'" 16th over: England 32-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 6, Pietersen 1) Rigor Mortis Trott is beaten by a beauty that turns a fair way past the outside edge, and then works a couple to midwicket. He has 6 from 42 balls. "I would tell my 16-year-old self not to worry overly about my forthcoming O-level exams," says Ian Copestake, "as he will find there is much to be said for the Youth Training Scheme." 17th over: England 32-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 6, Pietersen 1) A maiden from Shakib to Pietersen. England have to decide whether they want to win this game or just not lose it. As always it's a balancing act, but at the moment they are too defensive. "Don't worry Rob," says Ross McBride. "You've got another reader too. I'm pulling an all nighter in order to get a chunk of this dissertation done. Turns out, leaving it till the last minute wasn't the best idea i've ever had. Incidentally, any conversation with my 16-year-old self would probably involve this subject too..." It's weird hearing words that will never apply to your life again, like dissertation. Or cassette. Or mullet. Or even short-back-and-sides. 18th over: England 36-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 10, Pietersen 1) Trott works Razzak through midwicket for four and is then the subject of a biggish LBW shout. It was pad first as he pushed forward defensively and, although he got a big stride in, I've seen them given. Hawkeye has it hitting off and middle but the main problem is that the umpire Tony Hill couldn't be sure it was pad first. So it was both the right decision and the wrong one, if that makes sense. "For a way back to jazz I could recommend Oscar Peterson's Night Train," says Tom Marlow. Nice. 19th over: England 36-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 10, Pietersen 1) Bangladesh don't so much appeal as celebrate the dismissal of Pietersen, caught at silly point off Shakib, but Rod Tucker says not out. With good reason: the ball only hit the pad. There was another sound, of bat on pad, and that explains the appeal. Excellent umpiring from Rod Tucker. 20th over: England 40-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 13, Pietersen 1) Trott tickles Razzak off the pads for three, but Pietersen is still struggling to get it off the square. He has 1 from 25 balls. 21st over: England 41-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 13, Pietersen 2) That's drinks. "If I were to write a letter to my 16-year-old self it would advise him to learn the drums ," says Andy Underwood. 22nd over: England 41-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 13, Pietersen 2) Razzak's accuracy continues to keep Pietersen honest. It's a maiden, the ninth of the innings. England are going nowhere here. "Strangely enough there is a letter-writing theme to a Book Club class I am giving to retired German ladies this afternoon" says Ian Copestake. "I ambitiously set them Saul Bellow's Herzog to read, a book about a man whose collapsing mental health leads him to compose imaginary letters to famous people and figures from his past. I have yet to finish it myself so will be interested to hear from them how it ends." 23rd over: England 41-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 13, Pietersen 2) Trott is dropped at short leg off Shakib Al Hasan. He pushed with hard hands at a full delivery and the ball went via bat and pad and straight through a slightly hamfisted effort from the crouching Jahurul Islam. That was a relatively straightforward chance by short-leg standards. It's another maiden from Shakib, whose figures are 6-5-1-0. 24th over: England 48-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 13, Pietersen 9) That's much better from Pietersen, who walks down the track and drives Razzak easily over mid-off for four. 25th over: England 53-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 15, Pietersen 12) Pietersen forces Shakib through the covers for a couple and then takes a single to long-off. Trout also hits two through the covers. Heady days . "If I could write a letter to my 34-year-old self (I'm now 35)," begins James Wrout, "it would say: In a few months you'll be following a test match in which England's attack will be Swann, Broad, Bresnan, Tredwell and Finn - start hiding the knives and shoelaces." 26th over: England 61-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 15, Pietersen 20) Pietersen is progressing pretty smoothly now. He takes two from each of Razzak's first two deliveries and then sweeps the third fine for four. 27th over: England 62-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 16, Pietersen 20) So apart from curing insomnia, what is England's plan here? Bat until late tomorrow? Or just before lunch on day four? They will want a lead of at least 100 I suspect, and the way they are batting they are unlikely to get that by tomorrow morning. There is a real chance of a draw here and that would probably best Bangladesh's greatest result in Tests: they have never drawn against a decent team without significant weather intervention. 28th over: England 66-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 19, Pietersen 21) Trott times Razzak through the covers for three. 29th over: England 66-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 19, Pietersen 21) Pietersen misses a sweep at Shakib but the appeal is caught in the throat as it was going way down leg. A maiden, Shakib's sixth in nine overs. 30th over: England 73-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 24, Pietersen 22) Rubel Hossain, the seam bowler who hasn't been used with the ball so far in this match, replacing the tiring Abdur Razzak. I wonder whether these are just token overs. Trott works a boundary between the two men at short midwicket. 31st over: England 79-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 26, Pietersen 27) The fifty partnership comes up between these two, with Pietersen zestily for four. I'm sorry this is so boring. I'm only the messe'morning! My note to 16 yr old self would be "You're about to meet the woman of your dreams, don't become the man of her nightmares"nger but I feel so darn guil ty. 32nd over: England 83-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 27, Pietersen 30) Ten minutes to tea. I don't know what else to say. 33rd over: England 83-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 27, Pietersen 30) A maiden from Shakib to the strokeless Trott. "Note to 16-year-old self," says Lee Rodwell. "Flying in the face of those smug predictions from everyone you know, you will reach the brink of 30 still having never touched an alcoholic drink. That you will be the only person on the 7.08 Brighton to Hastings train not in a green-gilled, hangover-induced coma makes this seem like a good thing. That you're on a 7.08 train to Hastings on a Sunday morning suggests not everything else has worked out so well. Never mind, eh?" 34th over: England 92-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 28, Pietersen 35) Pietersen survives a really big LBW shout from Rubel Hossain. He was on the walk when the ball came back enough to beat the bat and ram into the back pad. It looked extremely adjacent, and Hawkeye had it clipping the top of leg stump, but Tony Hill said not out. Bangladesh are more than a little unlucky there. Pietersen works the last ball of the over, and indeed the session, through midwicket for four. See you in 15 minutes. TEA 35th over: England 93-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 28, Pietersen 35) The left-arm spinner Shakib Al Hasan will begin the evening session with a slip and short leg for Trott, who continues to bat like Gideon Haigh's favourite cricketer . It is, no word of a lie, a maiden. Incidentally, Cricinfo has England's score at 92; Sky say 94. As I'm nicking pretty much all my information from both, let's split the difference. "Morning!" says Terence Sheridan. "My note to 16-year-old self would be, 'You're about to meet the woman of your dreams, don't become the man of her nightmares'." 36th over: England 94-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 28, Pietersen 36) Rubel Hossain continues the spell he began before tea, in which he should have had Pietersen LBW. He's getting just a little bit of reverse swing, but not enough o trouble Pietersen, who works a single to leg. "Morning Rob," says Phil Podolsky. "Piece of advice to a 16 year old self: Maybe, just maybe there's more to life than Luis Enrique, and you should sometimes, like, get out ..." I'll open the door for ya. 37th over: England 99-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 28, Pietersen 40) Pietersen hammers Shakib through the covers for four. "England fans should stay positive," says Colin Kitching. "Look at the scorecard for the first Test between Bangladesh and Australia in 2006. Bangladesh scored 427 batting first against Lee, Gillespie, Warne, Clark and MacGill. They then bowled out the Aussies, Hayden, Ponting, Hussey, Martyn, Clarke et al. for 269, of which Gilchrist scored 144. Bangladesh folded for 148 second time out, and the Aussies chased 307 and won by three wickets largely thanks to Ponting's 118 not out. Maybe England aren't doing so badly after all?" Ah but there's one difference: Australia played to win, England are playing not to lose. 38th over: England 104-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 29, Pietersen 44) I don't really understand what Trott is trying to achieve here. He has 29 from 94 balls and is hardly playing a stroke. I know you can't just go out and slap it everywhere but this is Bangladesh and his approach has a whiff of selfishness. Pietersen, thankfully, is starting to motor and drives Rubel Hossain effortlessly through extra-cover for four. "What would I tell me at 16?" asks Alex Netherton. "That, as I turned down the chance to live in France at 2002, I am a plum. As I did much the same for Canada in 2005, I am a complete plum." 39th over: England 104-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 29, Pietersen 44) Shakib bowls to Trott. What happens next? (The clue's in the score at the end of the over, and at the end of the previous over.) 40th over: England 105-1 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 29, Pietersen 45) Kevin Pietersen becomes the fastest man in the history of the game to reach 5000 Test runs, in 1702 days, when he tucks Rubel to leg for a single. The fact that he tops the list is simply a reflection of the fact that teams, and particularly England, play more Tests these days, but it's still an outstanding achievement. Obviously. WICKET! England 105-2 (Pietersen c Kayes b Shakib 45) What a peculiar dismissal. Pietersen came down the track to Shakib, who saw him coming and banged it in. Pietersen went through with the shot, a wristy whip to leg, but only got a leading edge to short extra cover. He stood motionless for a few seconds, struggling to comprehend one of the softer dismissals any of us will see this year. He had been cruising. 41st over: England 105-2 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 29, Collingwood 0) "Joke," says Tom Bowtell. "Q: What do MCC members drink after dinner? A: Wisden Cricketers' Armagnac." I don't know whether to laugh or cry.* * I do. I just can't cry at will, sadly. WICKET! England 107-3 (Collingwood LBW b Rubel Hossain 0) Collingwood has gone for a third-ball duck. He played around a reverse inswinger from Rubel, with his bat trapped behind the front pad, and was out LBW. That looked very good indeed, similar to the one that Pietersen survived just before tea, and Hawkeye has it hitting the outside half of leg stump. Rubel has bowled a very good spell and deserves that wicket. 42nd over: England 107-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 30, Bell 0) Ian Bell will never have a better chance to make his first solo century in a Test. "Note to 16-year-old self," says Mike Wallace. "In 20 years' time you'll be married to a woman from Cape Town who only enjoys cricket when South Africa are winning. Don't worry though, there are so many Saffers playing for England by then that she's happy whatever the result, , whereas for you it'll all just be slightly hollow." 43rd over: England 109-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 31, Bell 1) "My message to my 16-year-old self," says Andrew Jolly, "would be: Ddon't worry about the teachers mate, keep on spending all that time in the pub, you don't need to go to university to have a great time travelling the world convincing fools you are worth employing. And also, in four years' time, at Edgbaston, keep the faith." 44th over: England 114-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 35, Bell 2) Rubel Hossain continues. He has no slips and is bowling very straight. Trott whips a short one through midwicket for four. It was in the air for a while but he had it completely under control. "This isn't a quality Test attack, but it's a Test-quality attack," says Ian Whitchurch. "Shafiul is a bit better than a try-hard, and Rubel is quick and slingy, if inclined to bowl the wrong line – add Sharapova, who is better than OK some of the time, and you've got a fast bowling attack about equal to New Zealand when they didn't have Hadlee." I think that's very optimistic, and particularly harsh on Ewen Chatfield , and even Lance Cairns . Rubel has bowled well here, though. 45th over: England 114-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 35, Bell 2) Shakib continues this long spell with a maiden to Bell. His figures look majestic: 17-11-19-1. If Bangladesh get two more in the 70 minutes before the close they will be right on top. "This is why six batsmen is a better bet than five bowlers," says Gary Naylor. "A collapse is always more likely than a bowler's injury or off-day." It was still the right decision, surely. 46th over: England 115-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 36, Bell 2) Abdur Razzak replaces Rubel Hossain and has a preposterous LBW shout against Trott to a ball that pitched outside leg and would scarcely have hit another set. "Eff Ewen Chatfield," announces Ian Whitchurch. "What did he ever do without a quality bowler at the other end? Lance Cairns was better than useful, but it's an insult to fast bowlers everywhere to call Lance Cairns fast." It's a fair cop, what with Shahadat Hossain occasionally hitting 80mph, sometimes even twice in the same over. 47th over: England 125-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 36, Bell 12) Bell takes consecutive boundaries off Razzak, a clip through midwicket and then a slightly clunked drive over mid-on. He chips over mid-off for a couple later in the over as well. It's good to see some positive intent, or any in fact. Ten from the over. "I was six feet two when I was sixteen and rather fancied myself as a tall and handsome stud," said David Godman. "Having recently, for the first time in decades, seen a home movie of myself at sixteen, my letter would read, 'Put a bag over your head until you are old enough to grow a beard'. Whom did Pietersen beat (name the names, do some proper journalism) in his race to the fastest 5,000 runs. And how many fewer games did they play?" Yep, I'll just gather all that information while also typing the OBO and trying to stay awake. Can I get it to you by, say, the year 2029? 48th over: England 125-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 36, Bell 12) Shakib has switched to over the wicket for Trott. You guessed it. Shakib's figures are now 19-13-19-1. It's the 1980s all over again. "Sharapova, mate. Sharapova," says Ian Whitchurch. "And he took 5-71 against India, knocking over Ghambir and Dravid ... regrettably, the Little Master was the Little Master." And Sharapahadat was still bowling at about 77mph, presumably. 49th over: England 126-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 36, Bell 13) Trott has 36 from 134 balls. "Message to my 16-year-old self?" begins Tom England. "If you ever find yourself consuming too many pints of Liver Compromiser on a monday night, at no point think it's a good idea to stay up and watch the fifth day's play from Adelaide, even if it is meandering to an inevitable draw. You'll never get over the trauma." 51st over: England 128-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 37, Bell 13) I missed an over somewhere. Sorry. Bell laps Shakib for a single; Trott drives him for a single. Bell's average against Bangladesh is now 364. Flat what? "You've noticed the pretty boy who grunts a lot and doesnt usually take wickets isnt playing today, right?" says Ian Whitchurch, taking me for a complete fuc- ah. 52nd over: England 140-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 49, Bell 13) That's a good stroke from Trott, who times an admittedly poor delivery from Razzak through square-leg for four. Then he eases back in his crease to work some short filth through midwicket for four more, and finally he flicks a full toss to the same area for the third boundary of the over. If Trott's not careful he'll reach fifty before the close. "Note to a 16-year-old self," says Guy Hornsby. "Where would I start? I think I'd say that university is for getting leathered and sowing your oats your degree so just because someone actually wants to go out with you doesn't mean that you should make it mostly last for the duration of your course. You missed out, you fool. That and the fact that shoulder-length curtains never, ever look good. As many photos have proven. It was 1995, I suppose." So you're chiding your 16-year-old self for missing out at university. I'm very confused now, which admittedly doesn't take much. 53rd over: England 141-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 49, Bell 15) "Dearest Rob," lies Mac Millings. "It would have to be several letters, as all the things I'd have to tell my 16-year-old self not to do wouldn't fit into one envelope (or, indeed, mail bag), but they'd include: do special exercise with the girl with the big chin; avoid 1990-1996; don't get your hopes up." 54th over: England 144-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 50, Bell 17) Razzak, who hasn't bowled well today, is replaced by the offspinner Mahmudullah. Trott pushes him to leg to reach an important if laborious fifty from 147 balls. It's been one-paced, but England would be in trouble without it, and on a personal level he really needed a score. 55th over: England 144-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 50, Bell 17) Shakib's figures just get better: after that maiden to Bell, they are 22-14-22-1. That's an exquisitely old-school bowling analysis. In other news, thanks to Rod Lyall and Craig Woodhouse for sending in this link to a breakdown of the fastest players to reach 5000 runs in terms of innings, matches and time. 56th over: England 145-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 51, Bell 17) Bell checks his stroke at Mahmudullah and it pops not far short of the bowler. A lucky escape, and a maiden. "Message to my 16-year-old self," says Nath Jones. "Don't spend your student loan on beer. Spend it on shares in Google. I know it sounds like a silly name, but trust me. " 57th over: England 149-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 55, Bell 17) Shakib sends down a rare bad ball, a full toss that Trott whaps through midwicket for four. All of his seven boundaries, and almost all of his runs, have come on the leg side today. "Let me clarify," says Guy Hornsby. "I was instructing my 16-year old self what choices to take a university, a mere two years later. Frankly, my 16-year old self is still too painful to think about to offer advice. There's not enough days in a Test match. Spotty, shy, introverted, geeky, lanky, immature and with an illogical love of listening to TMS at 3am, even when the cause was doomed. Oh." 58th over: England 153-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 57, Bell 19) England are extremely comfortable at the moment, and will probably just pick up the odd single here and there until the close. But they need to take a few risks tomorrow if they are to avoid the ignominy of becoming the first decent side to fail to beat Bangladesh in a full Test. 59th over: England 153-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 57, Bell 19) Stop me if you think you've heard this one before: it's a maiden from Shakib to Trott. Both sides would take the close now, I think, but there are still five overs to go. 60th over: England 155-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 58, Bell 20) This is a smart move from Shakib, who brings back Rubel Hossain in an attempt to make something happen before the close. There is discernible if gentle reverse swing, and Trott digs out a good yorker that was curving back towards off stump. I missed the rest of the over as I was having my carpet cleaned. "Note to 16-year-old self," begins Ian Moore. "You know that exam you've got coming up? You know the really important one? Yeah? Don't skip it to watch Gatting throw away the World Cup final because he was getting peckish." 61st over: England 160-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 63, Bell 20) The offspinner Naeem Islam is going to bowl for the first time in the innings. His first ball is worked away by Trott, who is picking up runs fairly easily now and cuts for a couple more. If England can score 330-370 in 90 overs tomorrow – they usually score faster down the order – they will still be in a position to win this, although I reckon you'd want to allow at least 120 overs to bowl Bangladesh out a second time. So then the time/runs equation comes into play. You can't beat a good time/runs equation, as Martin Crowe would doubtless confirm. 62nd over: England 163-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 64, Bell 21) Rubel Hossain is running in with endearing purpose, but it's not going to happen tonight. Trott is in complete control defensively, and Bell too for that matter. Three from the over. 63rd over: England 167-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 64, Bell 25) Abdur Razzak replaces Naeem Islam, who bowled just one over and seems to be in the side as a specialist No8. Along with the specialist No10, Shafiul. Razzak's second ball is flighted and tempts Bell, who eventually defends; otherwise it's average fare, including a full toss that Bell clips for four with the minimum of fuss. One over to go before the close. 64th over: England 171-3 (in reply to Bangladesh's 419; Trott 64, Bell 25) The last over of the day will be bowled by Shafiul Islam (5-1-13-0). His first ball is garbage and flies down the leg side for four byes. Trott defends the rest of the over, and that's stumps . England trail by 248 after a pretty tedious day's play. Thanks for your emails. See you at 3am.