What I see in the mirror: Griff Rhys Jones

I am currently bald. I've had to shave off all my hair for my role in Oliver! I also have a big moustache and a funny little beard. It disturbs me. When it comes, my facial hair appears in all shades. I have a strikingly black central bit, two great white forked tufts just under my chin, and strangely auburn bits around the side. It's badger-like, hardly flattering, but rather striking. One of the terrors of being on TV is that one's appearance, voice and demeanour don't correspond to what you see in the mirror. I come across as a sort of bland, middle-class, flabby-faced, currant-eyed, wavy-haired presenter. I like to think of myself as rugged. My face is reasonably blemish-free. It's not as plump as it has been in the past; I'm not quite David Cameron . There is a characteristic among men with large foreheads to look like a thumb. I have a large forehead. I'm also a gurner and have popeyes, but my real problem is my chin. When I first appeared on stage Michael Billington wrote that I was "prognathous". It means large-jawed. Dressing for TV is complicated. I get accused of being Mr Anorak , but when I was filming in Hong Kong it was very hot, so I decided to wear a red polo shirt. I bought a great number of them, and then they clung to me in the heat. Even though I am quite svelte, you get to a certain age and it's impossible to hide your man boobs . Suddenly I was revealed as a flabby, polo shirt-wearing thumb. • Rivers , by Griff Rhys Jones, is out in paperback.