World Cup 2010: Algeria v Slovenia - as it happened

Preamble: Algeria and Slovenia were supposed to be the worst sides in Group C, and that's before they witnessed England's performance yesterday and were sent into a fear-induced paralysis at the sight of our tactical and technical mastery of the game and all its subtle nuances. We can only imagine how ghastly they will actually turn out to be today. "It will be interesting to see how the African teams fare in their own backyard," Slovenia coach Matjaz Kek said in advance of this game. Algiers is 4,650 miles from Johannesburg, according to a website I just looked at. From which we can deduce that Africans have absolutely enormous backyards. Immense. Nobody asked Kek if he was disappointed with Slovenia's single gold medal at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, which at just 4,799 miles from Ljubljana must qualify as being within their own backyard, unless Slovenian backyards are smaller than African ones, which is possible given the absolute vastness of African backyards. Over now to Algeria coach Rabah Saadane, who says: "We will play each game like a cup final. We are going to compensate for technical weaknesses with the desire we have always shown." So he thinks they're rubbish too, then. Look out for creative midfielder Karim Ziani and striker Abdelkader Ghezzal (it's certainly worth looking at this smart goal , I think). Look out, too, for highlights from the Food Standards Agency's indispensible World Cup guide , which I've just discovered and might include from time to time if I feel so inclined. Some team news: On second thoughts, don't look out for Abdelkader Ghezzal – he's on the bench. Team news in full coming in a few moments. Proper team news: Those teams in full: Algeria: Chaouchi, Yahia, Bougherra, Halliche, Belhadj, Kadir, Lacen, Ziani, Yebda, Djebbour, Matmour. Subs: Gaouaoui, Mansouri, Boudebouz, Ghezzal, Saifi, Bellaid, Laifaoui, Guedioura, Medjani, Mesbah, Abdoun, M'Bohli. Slovenia: Samir Handanovic, Brecko, Suler, Cesar, Jokic, Kirm, Koren, Radosavljevic, Birsa, Novakovic, Dedic. Subs: Jasmin Handanovic, Dzinic, Ilic, Pecnik, Ljubijankic, Krhin, Filekovic, Komac, Stevanovic, Mavric, Matavz, Seliga. Referee: Carlos Batres (Guatemala). Meanwhile, on the BBC: Alan Hansen is 55 today and furious at spending his birthday in the studio watching Algeria v Slovenia. He's giving out some serious attitude. Exciting update: The teams are out! And here's the Food Standards Agency advice on World Cup pizza ordering: "If you're having pizza, you could ask for some extra veg on your pizza to bump up your daily fruit and veg portions." Education news: Algerian high school students had their end-of-year exams rescheduled so they didn't clash with the World Cup, we're told. Are you reading, Michael Gove? 1 min: Peeep! And they're off! 2 min: Algeria's keeper claims a free-kick confidently (good) then gives the ball away immediately (bad). We're a very long way from a sell-out here, by the way. 3 min: Nadir Belhadj curls in a free-kick from 20-odd yards, tipped over the bar by the goalkeeper. A fairly straightforward save, the ball dropping towards the centre of Handanovic's goal, but hell, it's a shot on target and we welcome those. 9 min: The BBC commentary team have already praised the surface, and the ball seems to be running straight and true, if mainly out of play. 10 min: The ball is zipping around at a very pleasant pace, but with quite bewildering lack of precision. "With teams competing from all over the world, why not do some gastronomic globetrotting of your own and support your home team or your favourite player by choosing a snack or dish from their national cuisine?" asks the Food Standards Agency. Their top suggestions coming soon (unless the match perks up) ... 13 min: I genuinely am keeping you abreast of all the key developments in this game. Anyway, back to the FSA: "Try pea soup for a twist on the Dutch snert," they recommend. Has anybody had a snert? 15 min: "Given that the best result from an England (and USA! USA!) point of view is nil-nil, how do you suggest we deal with the strange feeling of actively hoping to be bored to tears by this game?" wonders Mike Hopkin, as Algeria's lone striker Rafik Djebbour gamely chases after yet another overhit through-ball. "Perhaps that's why the FSA is so keen on telling us to jazz up our pizzas?" I guess the players know that defeat means almost certain elimination at the group stage, and thus that a draw might suit both parties. I wonder if Algeria could play out a mutually convenient stalemate without dying of irony . 18 min: Rafik Djebbour chases gamely after yet another overhit through-ball. 19 min: Algeria are looking the brighter in attack so far. If they could only recalibrate their through-ballometers a bit, they might have some joy. 22 min: Valter Birsa sends in a wickedly curling free-kick from the right wing which Faouzi Chaouchi punches away uncomfortably under challenge. A minute later, Andraz Kirm prompts another decent punch with a free-kick from the left wing. 24 min: A quarter of the way through the game, and nothing has happened. If you're reading this after the match has finished, you might as well stop here. "Go Italian and enjoy spaghetti with aubergine," trills the FSA. 28 min: "This is the longest pre-game warm up I've ever seen," yawns Dale Ward, as Rafik Djebbour chases gamely after an overhit cross. 31 min: "Enjoying the match at your local pub can be great fun, but bar snacks are often high in salt and fat ... Give pork scratchings a miss and go for unsalted peanuts – pork scratching can be high in saturated fat, whereas peanuts provide protein, vitamins and minerals." Here's my tip to make the World Cup more healthy: turn off the television right now. Shut down the computer. Go for a walk, quick, before it starts raining. 33 min: Aleksandar Radosavljevic is getting treatment after taking a boot in the face while contesting a throw-in. 35 min: Half a chance there for Zlatko Dedic, who escaped down the right side of the penalty area before sliding the ball into a defender. As Algeria break, Radosavljevic earns the first booking of the game for bringing down Belhadj. 37 min: NEARLY A GOAL! A GENUINE CHANCE! Algeria take a corner from the left wing, the keeper comes, changes his mind, retreats and Rafik Halliche heads the ball a couple of feet wide of goal. 38 min: The BBC say Slovenia are doing pretty well given that there are only 30,000 registered footballers in their nation. I say, they must be rubbish at registering their footballers. 41 min: "The BBC commentators seem to be struck by the lack of quality in this game (obviously spoilt by the Puskas like skills on display last night), but I could still see a number of these players doing Carragher for pace," writes Tom Hopkins. The ability to beat Jamie Carragher for pace is not something to particularly boast about, though. Besides, there needs to be a ball in the vicinity for them to speed on to. 42 min: Slovenia get a corner. It goes straight out of play. Four minutes plus stoppage time to go before the blessed release of half-time. 44 min: SHOT ON TARGET! DECENT SAVE! Slovenia's brightest moment sees Valter Birsa curl in a shot from 25 yards that is bang central but dipping rapidly under the crossbar until Faouzi Chaouchi turns it over. Pretty straightforward, but Chaouchi had the good grace to make it look harder than it was. 45 min: One minute stoppage time to be played. And I've already filled most of it simply by typing an additional, unnecessary sentence. Half-time: Yay! I'm going to buy some food. With any luck, it will be poisoned. Random musings: The lack of goals in this game has only given the BBC even more time to replay Robert Green's error. Unwelcome. "As a peanut addict I should warn you that peanuts do contain a high protein count but almost all of it comes out the other end as it is indigestible in the time it remians in the human stomach," yawns Bernard Crofton. "Eating them a second time might be effective in extracting the protein but I have not tried it and cannot recomment it. Conversely peanuts contain a high oil content which the human digestive system does absorb. So in effect low protein, high oil, and the ones I eat high salt too." Damn the pubs and their lack of effective high-protein, low-fat snack options! More musings: My BBC signal keeps cutting out. After the ITV HD debacle yesterday, this is really too much. At least they could have done it during the game. 46 min: And they're off again! It can only get better. It can only get better. It can only get better. 47 min: Majid Bougherra is described as "like the Rock of Gibraltar – very difficult to get the ball off him". Has anybody tried to take a ball off the Rock of Gibraltar? Because I expect it would be pretty easy. 52 min: Zkatji Dedic comes off for Ljubijankic. 55 min: Yebda takes a pot-shot from just outside the penalty area, easily saved. Still, the right kind of idea. 57 min: "I'm watching the game in taiwan, so not only do i have to contend with the most boring football match ever in the history of the world, but i also have to listen to chinese speaking commentators practically soil themselves with excitement every time a player does something other than pass the ball," yawns Michael Ashford as Rafik Djebbour chases gamely after an overhit through-ball. "All of the off-target shots have been greeted with screams of something indiscernable in Chinese. Dread to think what'll happen if anybody scores." 58 min: And that's Djebbour's last action, with Ghezzal coming on. 60 min: Ghezzal gets booked for pulling back Marko Suler, barely 60 seconds after coming on. "It seems that a lack of protein might not be a bad thing," notes Neil Pumphrey. "According to this week's NewScientist, amino acids are the most potent acitvators of the molecule Tor, which is believed to boost cell growth at the expense of longevity. Perhaps Quavers are an attractive option after all?" Take that, FSA! 60 min: A SHOT! The ball breaks to Andraz Kirm just left of centre in the Algeria penalty area. Just like Shaun Wright-Phillips from an almost identical spot last night, he hits it straight at the keeper. 63 min: Robert Koren smacks a 25-yard shot miles over the bar. "Woeful," says Mark Bright. 66 min: Back to the FSA: "Don't feel pressured by those around you to drink more than you want to. Skip a round or opt for a soft drink – how about try a sparkling water with a slice of lemon or lime?" Yeah, how about that? A slice of lime, you say? 67 min: Zinedine Zidane is in the crowd. Poor man. 68 min: An Algerian fan has scaled one of the floodlight pylons. An entire army of security personnel are waiting for him at the bottom. 70 min: A CHANCE! Abdelkader Ghezzal with a header from 10 yards that flies wide! By some distance! 72 min: "It would be interesting actually if Slovenia managed to win this game," suggests the BBC's commentator. Yes it ruddy well would. 74 min: RED CARD! Ghezzal, the Algerian substitute, dives for a header, misses it with his head and attempts to control the ball with his arm, earning a second yellow card. An idiot dismissal. He didn't even successfully control it with his arm, which would at least have been a start. Once yellow card for pulling someone's shirt in the Slovenia half in an irrelevant position, and then that. Surely that will spur the Slovenians on? Surely? 77 min: "Nadir Belhadj! Look at him go!" screams Simon Brotherton. He keeps going, until he runs out of pitch. And then a little bit further. Goal kick. 77 min: NEARLY SOMETHING INTERESTING! The Slovenia goalkeeper Samir Handanovic passes the ball out to Suler. Karim Ziani runs 20 yards without Suler noticing, steals the ball off the centre-back's toes and damn near runs clear through on goal, though as it turns out the ball runs through to the keeper. GOAL! A GOAL! A REAL, ACTUAL GOAL! NOT JUST A SHOT BUT A GOAL! A GOAL! Algeria 0 Slovenia 1 (Koren, 79min) Koren shoots from 20 yards and the goalkeeper absolutely RobertGreens it into the net. It wasn't a very good shot, vaguely towards the corner I suppose, but the keeper puts his hands in the wrong place, nowhere near the ball, which proceeds to bounce off his shoulder and into the goal. 82 min: "RE 68th minute: It's a bit harsh of the security staff to foil that fan's brave attempt to escape," writes Hugh Lindley. "I assume he'll be handcuffed into his seat like Zidane must be." 84 min: "Never trust a keeper in long trousers. Ever," concludes Colm Heaney. 88 min: I missed a couple of substitutions in all the excitement following the goal. Now I don't know whether to do them or not. OK, dammit, I will. Radosavljevic has been replaced by Komac. There. 90 min: If there's one good thing about Algeria, it's the fact that they've got a cute picture of a desert fox on their shirts. Enjoy it while you can, because they've only got another couple of games to wear it in. 90 min: Four minutes of stoppage time to be played. Rafik Saifi is rolling about on the pitch trying, not very convincingly, to look injured. His aim presumably being to reduce the amount of time his side has to score an equaliser. They really haven't got the hang of this game at all. 90+2 min: A decent cross from the left and Slovenia don't deal with it at all well. First Bostjan Cesar heads the ball straight up in the air, then the keeper comes and totally fails to clear the ball. It all ends with Bougherra looping the ball towards goal. It was a sharp chance, but had he got it on target it would probably have gone in. He didn't. It didn't. 90+4 min: Foul of the day: Komac sends Belhadj absolutely flying with a late flying challenge. Looked absolutely great, with footballers and shinpads flying everywhere. He gets booked. 90+4min: Yebda is booked for a not particularly bad foul that the Slovenian chap made a bit of a meal of. Full-time: And that's it! Slovenians, journalists, and football fans worldwide celebrate the final whistle, and the ability to go somewhere else and do something interesting. Final thoughts: And, with perhaps undue haste, that's it for me. I'm off to expunge the memory of the last two hours by banging my head repeatedly against a wall. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday. It can only get better.