Football transfer rumours: The latest on Edin Dzeko's next move

According to the Daily Mail, Bayern Munich are planning to "hijack" Edin Dzeko's move to Manchester City . Also approaching the cockpit with a banana in their pocket are Juventus and City chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak carrying a large sack full of additional money. Bolton want cheeky little chip-dinking Arsenal goal-nacho Carlos Vela on loan. Newcastle have developed an all-girls boarding school style "pash" for QPR attacking midfielder Adel Taarabt , who has 11 goals this season, is the star of the lacrosse team and reads Christina Rossetti beautifully. Newcastle are also after Paris Saint Germain winger Stephane Sessegnon , a mercurial 26-year-old who wants to leave because he's just had a bust-up with his manager. He'll be fine. Absolutely fine. Blackburn and West Ham are duking it out for Hoffenheim winger Demba Ba . Hoffenheim want £10m. And mid-years Freddie Mercury impersonator Georgios Samaras has "urged" Celtic to give him a new contract after scoring twice against Rangers. "Fiasco" and "ludicrous": just a couple of the words this morning's edition of the Sun uses to describe Blackburn's attempts to sign big-shorted, hang-10 gesturing, suddenly-stopped-being-brilliant Milan ambler Ronaldinho . The Mill is already planning to spend the next month furiously refreshing the Venky's Facebook page, where news of this sensational non-existent poultry-fuelled disaster-swoop first appeared. Who says social networking websites are for deluded solipsistic megalomaniacs? Not the Mill, or probably Ronaldinho either who is too busy training with Gremio in Brazil. Also in the Sun, Man City have already agreed a £27m, £100,000-a-week deal for Dzeko. This is described as "cut-price". Slouching goal-disappointments Roque Santa Cruz and Emmanuel Adebayor could soon both be off somewhere else. LA Galaxy fans are cross with mid-ballpark puck-sprayer David Beckham for wanting to play for Spurs , Milan or anyone else whenever he gets the chance. ""How about this selfish damn pig plays at least half the games in a Galaxy season at least once during his contract?" the Sun quotes from one irate fan's post on a club message board. Jolly old Ian Holloway is worried Charlie Adam could leave Blackpool in the window. "I'm not being funny," he said, "but Yaya Touré will probably be on more in a week than my whole squad put together." Holloway has again announced "reluctantly" that Adam should soon be on his way to a Champions League level club. "That's what nice about him, he won't stroll around like he's a chocolate bar, licking himself," he added, still not being funny. Nice Chris Hughton is favourite to become the next Crystal Palace manager . Hull have bid £1.2m for former bricklayer-turned-Swindon-goal-ace Charlie Austin, who has scored 29 goals in 49 games since discarding his hod, and who sounds a bit like a minor Roy of the Rovers character called the Battling Brickie. In this morning's Daily Mirror, Liverpool have decided to move on from the previous era of splashing out speculative millions on swathes of long-shot squad players by paying £5m for 19-year-old Preston North End midfield scamperer Adam Barton , whom they can subsequently ruin by leaving him on the bench for four years while also transforming him into a glazed and demotivated 20-something multi-millionaire. David Moyes wants to take Manchester United occasional Federico Macheda on loan. Harry Redknapp still believes he could sign David Beckham in time to let him hobble about like a furious little right-sided seahorse against Manchester United in two weeks' time. He also wants £9m for Niko Kranjcar, £5m for Robbie Keane and "the majority of their £15m outlay" for David Bentley. Yes, that David Bentley. Avram Grant has made a £4m bid with West Ham's non-existent money for Portsmouth midfielder Liam Lawrence . Lawrence signed for Portsmouth from Stoke at the weekend. Mark Hughes wants to sign England's Jay Bothroyd or Millwall striker Steve Morison , whose surname we haven't mispelled, even though it looks like we might have. "We lack a bit of presence sometimes in the opposition box," he said, performing an illustrative air-jostle. Super Hans in a suit, also known as "Alan Pardew", has admitted he would like to sign Robbie Keane from Spurs . "They want to do something and we want to bring an offensive player in," he said, overlooking the fact that he already has Joey Barton to call on.