My partner loves rough sex. How can I get him to be more romantic?

My partner is a very sexy "bad boy" type and younger than me. We are from different backgrounds. Despite opposition from my family, I am committed to him. I adore our sex life, but one thing bothers me – the way he approaches me for sex. He is quite crude; grabbing me and using language I detest. I am sure he loves me, but how can I get him to show it in bed? Irrespective of background, your boyfriend is a man, and may attribute different meanings to sexual expression than you and other women do. It may not be a romantic notion about sharing his body with his soulmate, but about responding to a physiological urge with a woman to whom he is attracted. You seem sure he loves you, and I would trust your intuition. Many men are socialised to have "rough" sex, and some have been rewarded by women who like it that way. Your boyfriend is not a mind-reader, so unless you give him some constructive feedback about the approach you need – being very specific – he will continue. Talk to him, but first confirm just how much you love him, how excited he makes you, and how much you enjoy sex with him. Say "I love it when you touch me/speak to me gently." A word of warning – you are attracted to this man partly because of his "rough edges". Don't try to tame him too much. • Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders. • Send your problem to [email protected]