Football transfer rumours: Marouane Chamakh to Arsenal?

The Mill is of course no stranger to extreme wealth and the lives of the very, very [pause while the Mill affects a yawn, adjusts over-sized sunglass-style glasses, and takes a moment to root around in King's Cross platform-side waste receptacle for abandoned Upper Crust Breakfast Cheese and Bacon Coronary Croissant ] very rich. Really, they're just like you and I. Maybe they have more yachts, slightly fewer cold sores, more beachfront houses in Mustique and spend slightly less time spent jostling gnarled and potentially violent elderly women at the unveiling of the late night Asda reduced basket. But really the rich are just people too, albeit more successful, wealthy, driven, leisured, healthy, important, politically influential, better nourished, genetically enhanced, better educated and more likely to be involved in regular Caribbean speedboat excursions with a selection of elite Peruvian underwear models . So the Mill is only partially titillated by news in this morning's Times that Liverpool are "a takeover target" for the seventh-richest man in the world, Mukesh Ambani, and, separately, Sahara group chairman Subrata Roy, who has enough money to wear a different pair of solid gold clogs every day of the week and still be able to take a two-week holiday in a static caravan in Bridport during half-term week. Both men have apparently tendered a bid to pay off Liverpool's £237m debt and take a 51% stake in the club . Embarrassing pastel-shirted, capering American doofuses Tom Hicks and George Gillett are digging in for a deal that either buys them out completely or leaves them with a controlling stake. Also in the Times the world's most important man, Marouane Chamakh , could be about to go on about moving to Arsenal again for a bit after his spell spent going on about moving to Liverpool "collapsed". Arsenal are "closing in on his signature" . West Ham and Internazionale also want a piece of the flouncing Moroccan, who really had better be good after all this. Chamakh's contract with Bordeaux expires in the summer. Arsenal have offered him £60,000-a-week, a Thomas and Friends wooden railway junction interchange, four Chewits and a go on their bike. In the Mirror Arsène Wenger is fondling the ammunition belts stretched across his slabbed chest, daubing his cheeks with fox blood and getting "ready to go to war with Barcelona" over Cesc Fàbregas. Chief executive Ivan Gazidis has written a slightly pissy letter telling them to stop saying things about Fàbregas in the Spanish press. Billy Davis has "blasted" his own club for unsettling talented Pole Radoslaw Majewski. Forest have an option to sign Majewski permanently, but have yet to do so. "Having watched him in training and spoken to him, I am left trying to keep his head up," Davis said yesterday, trying to keep his head up using an improvised scaffold and a winch. Teddy Sheringham's son , who looks quite frightening, could be about to join Gillingham after scoring 17 goals for non-league Bishop's Stortford. Unlikely-to-make-it Arsenal ace "Oh" Jay Simpson has held "showdown talks" with QPR boss Mick Harford after being dropped while on loan at QPR. And Matthew Etherington's contract talks have stalled . "I don't want to go too much into the new contract at the moment because it's a bit of a sticky situation," he said, sitting around a small table wearing a pair of mirrored sunglasses and occasionally twitching. In the Sun Mark Hughes could be about to become Turkey manager . Hughes has been recommended by ex-Blackburn star Tugay, Stoke striker Tuncay, and perhaps some other Turkish men called things like Tungay and Torcay and Tongeguy. West Ham players will be asked to take a 25% pay cut, leaving them with a mere 75% of way too much, as the increasingly fraught-looking Davids Gold and Sullivan attempt to cut a £60m wage bill. Kieron Dyer is on £65,000 a week. The fitness coach earns £200,000-a-year. A man called Manuel Da Costa is being paid £20,000. And a "player liaison officer" (translation: fat bloke in a shiny suit who makes jokes on the team bus) earns £50,000 a year. Roy Hodgson is going to "beg Mohamed Al Fayed for cash" in the summer. "We will be seeking some quality additions as we've run the squad right down," he said yesterday in his honourable East End gangster what never done no one unless they needed doing you got to have standards family is family voice. Portsmouth are doing another hopelessly doomed deal with the inland revenue to avoid going bankrupt tomorrow. Really pissed-off-looking new owner Balram Chainrai is determined to keep Pompey in business so he can recover his £20m loan to the club, which doesn't sound like a very promising long-term growth strategy. "If the inland revenue wind this club up, they will get nothing and that cannot be the right answer," says Peter Storrie, who is, for some reason, still there. And Toni Terry has sought the advice of the woman the Sun is still calling "Posh" over what to do about England's Brave But Alarmingly Priapic John Terry . A source said: "Toni sees Victoria as Queen of the Wags, with maturity and compassion to impartially advise her over something deeply personal and upsetting". Which perhaps explains a great deal of her current predicament. "Victoria told her the next few weeks would be the hardest of her life. But she had to face John and hear his side of the story". The Mill is interested to hear John Terry has a "side of the story". What can it be? In the Daily Mail Roberto Mancini is already about to be sacked for something or other . "You must remember that we have two games in hand. This is an important fact and, if we win these two games, we will be in fourth position and we will be one point behind Arsenal. Had we won on Saturday, and we had big chances, we would be on target," Mancini told reporters yesterday, while unveiling plans to surgically graft a pair of testicles on to the body of his elderly aunt and change her name to "Massimo". Two men have been jailed for leaving a hand grenade outside Kenny Dalglish's house , an offence that, under the Domestic Armament Offences (1980s Liverpool Players) Act 1991 has the same fixed term prison sentence as concealing a land mine near Craig Johnston's recycling bin and dropping a handful of small arms ammunition within 50 yards of Gary Gillespie's duck pond. And according to Goal.com Franck Ribéry says Thierry Henry would "love" him to go to Barcelona. "I get on very well with Titi. I know that he would like to see me there," Ribéry told RTL Radio, flushing and raising a hand bashfully to his throat.