Notes and queries

What is the origin of the loyal toast to the Queen at formal dinners? And what is a loyal – ie patriotic – ­republican to do? The answer to the first question may have had something to do with showing support for the new king and queen (William III and Mary II) ­after the Glorious Revolution of 1688 – or maybe later, as a sign of support for the Hanoverians. Jacobite sympathisers, though, are said to have passed their glass over the finger bowl, thus drinking to "the king across the water (ie the Old Pretender, Prince James, and later, the Young Pretender, Bonnie Prince Charlie)" in France. Since the sympathisers said "the King" they could not be held to be unpatriotic, but to ­themselves they were being loyal to the exiled Stuarts. A "loyal" republican should hold the glass in the left, rather than the right hand, or keep one's fingers crossed ­behind one's back. Perhaps just ­standing and drinking without saying anything would pass unnoticed by the other diners. William Walford, Kettering, Northants Simple. Stand along with everyone else and when they say, "The Queen!" say, "The republic!" Veronica Lee, London SE15 I remember the indignation in some of the press in the 1960s when an unsophisticated local Labour party chairman was called on to ­propose the loyal toast at a function in the north and asked guests to raise their glasses to Harold Wilson. Stephen Bibby, Reading The modern republican equivalent to toasting the king "over the ­water" might be openly to toast the Queen, but covertly have Helen Mirren in mind. John Marzillier, Oxford My computer is getting rather slow. It's five years old. What's that in ­human years? Computers don't get slower, we make increasing demands on them, which makes them appear to get slower: iTunes 4.9, downloaded in July 2005, was 21.5MB; iTunes 9.0, downloaded in November 2009, was 91MB. On those crude figures, I reckon that consumer expectation is almost keeping up with Moore's law , which roughly states that computers will double in power every two years. In other words, if you don't upgrade or replace your computer but continue to upgrade your software and add applications and data (ie use it), your computer will appear to halve in speed every two years. Guy Sivey, St Albans, Herts I would estimate a computer year to be around 12 human years, so your five-year-old is around 60. He might potter on for another few years, gradually getting more arthritic, or he might suddenly have a heart attack and take all your precious files with him. Prepare for the end by backing up anything you can't bear to lose. Ruby Rosamund, Lincoln Oh, about 50 years old. So if you are 50 years old, it looks in good shape and should last for years and years. If you are 20 years old, it's ready for the scrap heap. Martin Huckerby, London SE5 It is five years old, in "human years", "dog years" or "PC years". Julian Merkent-Lopes, Albany Park, Kent I can do passable dogs, pigs, lions, snakes etc for the children but what noise does a giraffe make? Giraffes produce infrasonic vocalisations not audible to humans, in conjunction with a "neck throw". So, move your head about a bit with your mouth open and tell the little dears you are doing a "giraffe sound", but ­because they are not giraffes they won't be able to hear it. You may have a breathing space before you have to ­explain how you can make a giraffe sound when you aren't a giraffe either. Phil Coughlin, London E1 Many years ago, as a child, a friend wrote to David Attenborough ­asking this question. He replied: "­Giraffes make a sort of coughing noise". Andy Williamson, Ashburton, Devon Facing this problem with our ­toddler children, my wife and I ­decided that our standard giraffe sound would be "Snitter, snitter". Now they are teenagers, I wonder if they have realised this deceit. Patrick Wellington, London SE10 My two children perfected the ­giraffe "sound" and have passed it on to my little nephew. It consists of stretching your chin up and forward to mimic the tallness of the giraffe: an eating-a-leaf-from-a-tall-tree effect. Helen Dunning, Cardiff Giraffes make giraffe noises that can be heard at the zoo etc. The real question is, "what noise does a ­dinosaur make?" Angus Doulton, Bletchingdon, Oxon Any answers? With all the fuss about the world's tallest building (the 828m Burj Dubai), can anyone tell me what is the world's deepest man-made structure? Chris Summers, Northolt, Middlesex Why are buses less comfortable than they used to be? Paul Salt, London W1 Middlesex, Wessex, Sussex, Essex – what happened to Nossex? David S Collins, Harpenden, Herts Send questions and answers to [email protected]. Please include name, address and phone number.