Italy v England - as it happened

Afternoon all. First, a disclaimer. Rugby isn't exactly this MBMer's forte. The ball's a funny shape, there's no goalkeeper and the players seem to spend a fair proportion of time poking each other in painful areas - that's about the limit of my knowledge. But never fear - I have my Usbourne Book of Rugby Words alongside me, and I'll also be borrowing phrases wholesale from Eddie Butler, Rob Kitson, Andy Bull and co. This will enable me to type things like "Steve Borthwick is causing havoc at the breakdown" without knowing a) who Steve Borthwick is, b) what a breakdown is, or c) whether havoc is something that might be caused at something called a breakdown by someone called Steve Borthwick. The whole thing doesn't seem too complicated anyway - goals are called "tries", throw-ins are "line-outs" and free-kicks are "penalties". I'm sure I'll get the hang of it. From what I can gather, this shouldn't be too dramatic. Yesterday's games were both humdingers by all accounts, but Italy have been beaten by England on all 15 of their previous meetings. However, England haven't won away in 22 months under Martin Johnson. My lazer-sharp analysis is that one of those streaks is going to be broken. The teams are in ... hang on, what's that? The teams were named on Wednesday? Really - what kind of ker-ray-zee sport is this? Anyway, here they are: Italy: 15-Luke McLean, 14-Andrea Masi, 13-Gonzalo Canale, 12-Gonzalo Garcia, 11-Mirco Bergamasco, 10-Craig Gower, 9-Tito Tebaldi, 8-Alessandro Zanni, 7-Mauro Bergamasco, 6-Josh Sole, 5- Marco Bortolami, 4-Quintin Geldenhuys, 3-Martin Castrogiovanni, 2-Leonardo Ghiraldini (captain) 1-Salvatore Perugini. Replacements: 16-Fabio Ongaro, 17-Matias Aguero, 18-Valerio Bernabo, 19-Paul Derbyshire, 20-Pablo Canavosio, 21-Riccardo Bocchino, 22-Kaine Robertson. England: 15-Delon Armitage, 14-Mark Cueto, 13-Mathew Tait, 12-Riki Flutey, 11-Ugo Monye, 10-Jonny Wilkinson, 9-Danny Care; 8-Nick Easter, 7-Lewis Moody, 6-James Haskell, 5-Steve Borthwick (captain), 4-Simon Shaw, 3-Dan Cole, 2-Dylan Hartley, 1-Tim Payne. Replacements: 16-Steve Thompson, 17-David Wilson, 18-Matthew Mullan, 19-Louis Deacon, 20-Steffon Armitage, 21-Paul Hodgson, 22-Toby Flood Here's pre-match Gary Naylor: "I wouldn't worry too much about not understand the nuances of rugby union. I've been watching Six Nations, Rugby World Cups and the occasional match live for more than 30 years, and I don't understand much of what's going on. I think, like chess, you have to play this game from childhood to be in anything other than Fred Truemanesque befuddlement at what's going on out there. Having said that, even I know that England should put Italy away by 20 points at least today." I've always though of it as a geographical thing. I'm from THE NORTH, and therefore not much of a rugby union fan. Conversely, I remember being out for an evening in Bristol during the last Rugby World Cup and you could not move without hearing snippets of conversation on the day's semi-finals. And here's pre-match, er, Eric: "When I first watched rugby a few years ago I couldn't understand it either. But the point, I think, is that it's the sporting analogue of trench warfare... that surely is why people get so excited when rugby players stumble forwards a few yards before going to ground. It's all about gaining a few yards of territory." The England players trundle out onto the Stadio Flaminio pitch, quickly followed by their Italian counterparts. Here come the anthems ... Anthemwatch: Is it wrong to boo during God Save The Queen? Actually, I don't really care I'm going to do it anyway. Some stonking hand-on-heart singalong stuff from both sides, to be fair. "Where is Victory? Let her bow down, For God has made her Rome's slave." Peep! Referee Berdos gets us underway, Wilkinson launches the ball into Italy territory. 32 seconds: England almost score immediately, recovering the ball from the kick off and working the ball out to Delon Armitage. His grubber kick (©Usbourne Book of Rugby Words) to the line is just smuggled away be Tito Tebaldi. 2 min: Long-ball stuff from both sides, with McLean kicking to Monye, and Monye returning it to Canale. 4 min: Some lovely expansive stuff from the home side, working the ball from right to left and finding Canale in space. England foul after the tackle, and Italy kick for a line out on the 22 (©Usbourne Book of Rugby Words). 6 min: Gower aims a garryowen out to the right, Zanni collects and it's only a lack of support that prevents Italy recording the first score. 7 min: Italy turn over the ball at a lineout in their own 22, and concede a penalty. 9 min: ITALY 0-3 ENGLAND Wilkinson does his little needing-the-lav-but-the-seat-is-dirty pre-kick squat before plopping the ball between the sticks. 10 min: But down at the other end, Easter has failed to release his man on the deck and Italy have a penalty of their own. 11 min: ITALY 3-3 ENGLAND Mirco Bergamasco, with a slightly unconvincing kick, brings the scores level. 13 min: Some more hoof, hoof, hoof until Italy keep the ball in hand and probe the England line. 15 min: "If you mined "the 22" from a specialist lexicon, it's going to be a long 80 minutes," writes Paul Jones. "For you and us." Yep, that'll be right. England break the Italian line and Monye seems to be away down the line, but a last-ditch tackle saves the day. 17 min: Italy are penalised in the scrum, but Wilkinson's long, long attempt drops just short. 20 min: Wilkinson kicks into the corner from a penalty, giving England a dangerous line out ... 21 min: England's forwards are putting the pressure on their Italian counterparts - something has to give, and it does. England have a penalty, in front of the posts this time. 22 min: ITALY 3-6 EN ... No, hang on. Wilkinson has missed it! 23 min: Despite those two misses, England are beginning to make bigger dents in the Italian line, threatening to break through with regularity. Cole concedes a penalty, however and Italy relieve the pressure. 25 min: Care is offside and Italy have a chance to kick for the lead ... 26 min: ... but pulled wide by Bergamasco. The goal-kicking standard thus far has been appalling. 27 min: Italy pass from side-to-side, but can't make much of an impression on the England ranks. England turn it over. Italy concede a penalty. One thing that I really don't understand about rugby is the sheer number of fouls committed. So many points are scored from them, wouldn't it be an idea to, well, stop conceding penalties ? Answers on a postcard please ... 29 min: Hartley finds himself careering down the wing. but some desperate Italian defending stops the attack in its tracks. From the scrum, Italy turn it over and win themselves another one of those penalties. 30 min: Italy are playing some high-wire stuff inside their own half, before being forced to belt the thing long. Armitage launches it back. 33 min: Italy kick for touch, and England have some defending to do. In other news, I've just learnt that physio in Italian is "Fisio". 34 min: ITALY 6-3 ENGLAND But Johnson's boys haven't been able to keep it out. Italy are awarded a penalty after a tackler fails to roll away, and Bergamasco makes no mistake. 36 min: The lead is no less than Italy deserve - they've been the better side and have certainly played the more expansive rugby. 37 min: Simon Shaw makes a tackle, but he remains prone on the turf, clearly in some pain. Looks like his collarbone or possibly his shoulder. 38 min: "Is it just me, or does anyone else think that Martin Johnson never made a bad decision as a captain and never makes a good one as a coach?" writes Gary Naylor. "How so? Is this proof that a coach is only as good as his players?" What was it Mourinho said: "My dentist isn't a good dentist because he's had toothache." I think the Arrigo Sacchi version was: "Horses don't make the best jockeys" or something along those lines. 39 min: Flutey is granted the freedom is the Stadio Flaminio and makes 50-odd yards. Italy, desperately defending, concede a penalty. There's no time to kick the ball into touch, so Wilkinson will kick at goal. 40 min: ITALY 6-6 ENGLAND Wilkinson, having missed the last two, just squeezes it between the posts and England head back to the dressing room all square. Half-time analysis: Six-all is probably a fair enough scoreline. Italy have tried to throw the ball around among the backs, but they've not really damaged England much in doing so. It's a bit West-Brom-under-Tony-Mowbray. England, in contrast, have looked incredibly dangerous when keeping the ball in hand but have kicked it long time and time again. They're Gary Megson's Bolton. Peep! The second half (©Usbourne Book of Rugby Words) gets underway. 41 min: Italy have a penalty on halfway as Flutey brings down McLean with a high tackle. And there's a few handbags between the England player and a selection of Italians. In other rugby news ... 43 min: Gower ("Part Home and Away, part Prisoner Cell Block H" says the TV commentator rather gnomically) takes over kicking responsibilities but he's off target. The scores stay level. 44 min: GOAL! ITALY 6-11 ENGLAND Gary Megson's Bolton keep the ball in hand for once and it pays dividends. Monye skips a tackle down the line, the support is there and Tait crosses the line. 45 min: Inexplicably, Wilkinson misses the simplest of conversions. 47 min: Italy sweep the ball wide, and again some excellent defending from England holds up the attack. 50 min: England have definitely changed tactically since the break - rather than kicking long, they've tried to sprinkle the passes around. Care breaks through the Italian line ... 51 min: .. a forward pass from Tait brings the attack to an end. 53 min: Canavosio and Aguero repalce Perugini and Tebaldi for Italy. 54 min: Robertson comes on for Masi, who has a 'blood injury', and Italy are under pressure. An attempted clearance deflects away for a line-out. 56 min: Monye bursts through, as he is doing with increasing regularity, and wins a penalty. Kicked into touch, and England will have a line-out five yards from the line. 57 min: SIN BIN Castrogiovanni concedes yet another penalty, and the referee has had enough. He's off. 58 min: ITALY 6-14 ENGLAND This time Wilkinson makes no mistake. 60 min: Matt Mullan comes on to make his England debut, replacing Tim Payne, meaning England's two props are both 22-years-old. 62 min: Flutey and Perugini exchange angry stares, but again there's no real venom. 63 min: ITALY 9-14 ENGLAND Despite having a man advantage, England concede a penalty. Bergamasco splats it between the posts. 65 min: "Tut tut you Southener!" writes Robin Hazlehurst. "I'm from Cumbria, the real North (find your bit and head a long long way in the direction of Scotland) and we are definitely a rugby county. Football was for the wendies who couldn't get into the team at school. I grant you the county splits between league and union, but it's still a northern rugby stronghold." Italy have their tails up here - England are under the cosh. 66 min: Cueto does superbly when picking up a kick a few yards from the England line, slipping past a couple of onrushing Italians and getting England on the front foot once more. 68 min: Moody sparks Italy's ire by whacking McLean in the air. It wasn't the most deliberate of challenges but it was still pretty dangerous - Moody, somewhat fortuitously, escapes without a yellow card. 71 min: ITALY 12-14 ENGLAND More forceful stuff from the home side and they force a penalty from an increasingly frantic English defence. From a tricky distance Bergamasco plops it over. This could be a very interesting final 10 minutes. 72 min: "Has this match really been going for 70 minutes?" writes Gary Naylor. "Feels like seven days." Tell me about it. But this finale could be something special. Thompson, on to restore order to the lineout, gets England rumbling again towards the Italy 22. 74 min: ITALY 12-17 ENGLAND It's Italy's turn for desperate defending and the ball is worked out to Wilkinson, who calmly chips a drop-goal between the posts to give the visitors some breathing space. 76 min: A series of scrums in centre-field, and Italy attempt to plow through the middle ... 78 min: In there desire to force an historic victory, a bit of indiscipline creeps into the Italian game and they've handed the initiative back to England. The visitors have the ball on the halfway line. 79 min: But England turn it over, and Italy have the scrum on the halfway line. 80 min: Armitage kicks out of play to bring things to an end. That's me. Thanks for your company. G'night.