Pit lit: the Chilean miners' story

Day 1 Raul has knocked his axe against a pit prop and the whole roof has fallen in. I think we might be trapped. Day 2 We are definitely stuck. It's also very dark so it took me five hours to find a biro to write my diary. Luis says we need to do team bonding. We played I-Spy. It didn't last long. Days 3-16 Much the same as day 2. Except that Jorge has swapped places with Carlos as Jorge says that Omar snores too loudly. Luis suggested we play charades to keep our spirits up. Franklin spent three days acting out a book but nobody guessed. Apparently it was Lorca's "Nada". Day 17 Huge excitement. The outside world hasn't forgotten about us. We may be rescued in 52 days time. The other 32 men suddenly want to borrow my biro and start writing their own diaries. It is still very dark so Juan didn't notice that I had ripped out a couple of pages from his diary and used it as lavvy paper. Day 20 Whoopee! A phone link with the outside world has been established and we are all given 30 seconds to call our nearest and dearest. We all call our agents to start negotiating a book deal. They also managed to lower us down some fresh food and what did we get? Only a filthy burrito! I ask you. Someone is taking the piss. Day 30 Omar's snoring is still deafening and Carlos has finally had enough. Jimmy is told he now has the doubtful pleasure of sleeping next to Omar as he is a bit deaf. We now have a radio to keep us entertained. Jose insists we listen to Chris Moyles on an internet station and nobody dares say no because Jose is well hard and a bit scary. I'm not the only one who is beginning to wish we hadn't been rescued. Day 42 What can I tell you? Not much really other than it hasn't rained much down here. We are all having problems with our teeth. Ariel says it's because he hasn't had a chance to floss regularly. Personally, I blame that burrito. It really was minging. Day 53 Luis reckons we haven't been doing enough team building exercises lately. Victor suggests we play hide and seek. He goes first. It takes us 3.2 seconds to find him. Edison goes next. Nobody can be bothered to go looking for him as we all know he is only five metres away down the tunnel. Edison is very upset and says he will need psychological help to deal with his abandonment issues when he gets out. Daniel is trying to have phone sex with his girl friend and gets very angry when we all listen in. Day 60 Everyone's eyesight is getting worse in the gloom. I think mine must be worse than most as I caught a glimpse of Pedro and found him oddly attractive. The Chilean President has been on the phone asking if he can have his photo taken with us when we get out. I call my agent who demands $10,000 from the President for the shoot. Very pissed off when I later discover Renan's agent has got him $15,000. Day 67 We have been told we are getting out in a couple of days time. We draw lots to see who will be going to the surface first and I win. That's me sorted. The others won't get nearly such good book deals. Alexalso puts me in touch with a stylist who advises me on the best "trapped-miner chic" look. I get Luis to cut my hair and give me a shave. Day 69 It's weird to be on the surface. Not least because I can still hear Omar snoring down below. My agent calls. He tells me that the world has been stirred by the solidarity shown by the trapped miners, and that we're therefore a much more saleable commodity as a package. All for one it is, then. But he's also secured me the last slot on Hermano Grande.