Republic of Ireland v Russia – as it happened

Preamble Hello. So, it's the Republic of Ireland versus Russia. It's the nation that loves craic against the proverbial crack outfit. To mark this crack meeting, I've brought in a nice special pipe and will be getting off my ti we'll have live minute-by-minute coverage, with kick off at 7.45pm. It's early in qualification for Euro 2012, which means we're still a way from must-win matches, but Russia's manager Dick Advocaat (are there any teams in the world that he hasn't managed?) says this is a mustn't-lose match in view of the fact that they have already been beaten by Slovakia. Russia would surely take a draw; a quietly bullish Ireland, it is nice to relate, probably wouldn't. If they squeeze four points from this and Tuesday's trip to Slovakia - the only other side who can realistically win this group* - they will be very content going into the long winter break as they attempt to qualify for the European Championship for the first time since you-know-when . * Saying which, they've been beaten 3-1 by Armenia tonight. Blimey. Team news Rep of Ireland (4-4-2) Given; O'Shea, Dunne, St. Ledger, Kilbane; Green, Whelan, Lawrence, McGeady; Keane, Doyle. Subs: Westwood, Fahey, McShane, Long, Gibson, Keogh, Cunningham. Russia (4-3-3) Akinfeev; Aniukov, Ignashevich, Vasili Berezutsky, Zhirkov; Denisov, Shirokov, Zyryanov; Arshavin, Kerzhakov, Dzagoev. Subs: Gabulov, Alexei Berezutsky, Semshov, Pogrebniak, Bystrov, Bilyaletdinov, Bukharov. Referee Kevin Blom (Holland) A pointless waffle to kill some time This morning, I sent an almost identical text to my aunt and uncle. There was just one difference: I put an X on the end of hers. And then I wondered how my uncle - a man's man, the sort Tony Soprano would respect, nothing like me - would react if I'd put an X on the end of his. Of course, it is increasingly commonplace for heterosexual men to sign off a text or email to another heterosexual man with an 'X' or seven. Nathan Barley was always going to be horribly prescient, but I didn't expect this spin on the idea of straight-on-straight gay action . Going stray, and not even for pay. I mean really, come on. We know you're a modern, metrosexual man; we know you dabbled at university; it's okay. The weird thing is, it's not the preserve of tools. Good, smart people do it. I love many people who do it; I just don't want to sign off my texts to them with a kiss. And before some fool says it, this is not homophobia. I am chillingly, dangerously comfortable with my sexuality, just not my textuality. I've never really understood X-iquette between friends of the opposite sexual persuasion anyway - you're friends and, if you really want to kiss her, just go right up and tell her - but went along without really questioning it, a nodding sheepdog called Bob. This is another step entirely, another of these dismal phoney constructs that have become increasingly ubiquitous. I just don't see the point. Am I missing something? 1 min Russia, in dark red, kick off from left to right. There's a cracking atmosphere. With it being Friday night, booze may or may not have entered the fray at some stage. 2 min Shirokov dives risibly in the Ireland area under a vague challenge from Sean St Ledger. The referee doesn't buy it. 4 min A fairly scruffy start. Ireland seem content to play as the away side, sitting in and then breaking sharply. It's as if they're managed by an Italian. 5 min Dzagoev breaks away from Green in midfield, runs to within 20 yards of goal and then swooshes a shot a few yards wide of the near post. Given watches it go by with impressive disdain. 6 min "Russians, the flamboyant metrosexuals that they are, seem to have put out quite an attacking formation, with Dzagoev getting a rare start," says Andrei Scudder. "They are going for the jugular it seems." You took the words out of my fingers. 8 min Thirty bizarre and event-packed seconds in which Ireland almost take the lead on 17 different occasions. First Akinfeev, pitifully, pats McGeady's tame 20-yard shot straight out in front of him. It comes to Keane, who first touch takes it into a different postal district, towards the left of the box. Keane then stands up a cross that beats Akinfeev and hits the top of the bar. Then, when it comes back again, McGeady is bundled over in what looked a half-decent shout for a penalty. Finally, a few seconds later, the ball comes to McGeady again on the left side of the box, and he drills it right across the face of goal with Akinfeev beaten. GOAL! Republic of Ireland 0-1 Russia (Kerzhakov 10) Russia take the lead from a dodgy free-kick given wide on the left. It was whipped in towards the near post by Arshavin and missed by the flying Ignashevich, with the ball bouncing up to hit Given in the chest. That diverted it back towards Ignashevich, whose overhead kick sent it across the line of the six-yard box, and Kerzhakov at the far post rammed it in via St Ledger on the line. The actual free-kick could have gone either way, as Dunne and Shirokov seemed to be fouling each other. And, to compound Ireland's radge, Ignashevich appeared to be fractionally offside when the free-kick was taken. 14 min Now Russia look very much a crack outfit and Ireland are defending a little desperately. 15 min "I'm going to suggest that Jonathan Wilson might have been overstating things in his recent column on Russia ," says James Wells, not realising the sickening fate that is reserved exclusively for those who question Wilson. "Sure, their last four matches have included a draw with Hungary and the loss to Slovakia. But since the Euro they've only lost to Argentina, Germany (twice) and Slovenia. However, in the ten games before the Euro they lost to Israel, England, Romania and drew Poland. Russia is basically playing at their level, or maybe better, we just expect too much after they made Holland 2008 look like Holland 1994." 17 min Akinfeev, who is a complete clown, comes dangerously close to taking the ball outside his area. That came from a rare break by Ireland, who are getting a bit of a chasing at the moment. 19 min Robbie Keane touches the ball past Berezutsky and then falls over, a dismal dive that the referee ignores. 21 min A fine save from Shay Given keeps Ireland in the game. The ball is laid back to Denisov on the edge of the box to the left, and he thrashes a crisp low strike that Given sees late and does very well to save, diving low to his left. The resulting corner pinballs around the six-yard box and just wide of the near post. Ireland are a mess at the moment. 22 min "In another uncle-related story my uncle took me to Old Trafford when I was about seven," says John Delaney. "He was mortified when I started singing 'We're all in love with Man United.' He never asked me along after that." 24 min Emails please! 25 min Spartak Moscow's McGeady goes on his first decent run down the left, but his cross is easily cleared. Ireland are really struggling to get anything resembling momentum. 26 min "Oh, I am well aware of the fate that awaits those who question Jonathan Wilson," says James Wells. "That's why I said 10 Hail Lobanovskiys in penance after I hit send." 27 min What's the Russian for tiki-taka? 28 min Denisov is booked for a hopelessly late tackle on Lawrence. No malice, just ineptitude. GOAL! Republic of Ireland 0-2 Russia (Dzagoev 28) What a delightful goal this is. The right-back Aniukov bursts towards the byline in far too much space and cuts back a crisp low cross towards the near post; it's dummied beautifully by Kerzhakov and swept emphatically under Given by Dzagoev from eight yards. Superb stuff. 30 min "Are you worried that your uncle will question your manhood?" says Dave Hill. "Speaking as an old codger of 49, if someone ended a text with an X I wouldn't even know what that meant. I think you're safe." 31 min This match reminds me a little of the game at home to Spain during qualification for USA 94 , where Ireland were completely caught cold. 32 min St Ledger is booked for a dismal, frustrated, old-school hack at Dzagoev. He could have walked. 33 min "Is that John Delaney as in chief executive of the FAI emailing in?" says James Molloy. "I heard the corporate areas of the aviva were expensive but didn't realise it was that bad." 34 min I never thought I'd type these words, but Darron Gibson needs to come on here. I'd get him on for Green now, never mind at half-time. He's a goal threat and Ireland are desperate for one. 35 min "Re: Russia's recent form, we are still capable of some incisive attacking play, while being completely shambolic at the back," says Andrei Scudder. "I'd like to think of us as Arsenal of the East, only not not quite as attacking and a little more shambolic, actually I take back the not so attacking part after the second goal." 36 min Liam Lawrence has dislocated a finger, having landed awkwardly under a challenge from Shirokov. That's never very pleasant, and he's being helped off to have it snapped back into place. 38 min "What I wouldn't give for another Roy Keane to bring some degree of composure and passing to the Irish midfield," says Hugh Collins. "Even a Mark Kinsella would be better than this lot." 39 min Ireland are struggling desperately to put even a few passes together. It's hard to remember the last time they got a chasing like this on their own patch. 40 min Lawrence fouls Denisov and then, for no particular reason other than the throbbing pain in his recently dislocated finger, gives him a massive hairdryer and accuses him of diving. 41 min "Sat in a random cafe in the city of Lattakia, Syria, which has a sporadic wi-fi connection but is showing Germany v Turkey live," says Keven Osborne. "Howard Webb looks to be enjoying himself." 42 min As Ray Houghton observes on Sky, Russia have killed Ireland in midfield, where they have a three-on-two advantage. Absolutely destroyed them. 43 min Doyle scuffs a bouncing ball straight at Akinfeev from the edge of the box. 44 min Ireland's best move in ages. McGeady plays a stealthy angled pass to the right of the area for Keane, who zips round Zhirkov to reach the byline and then pulls it back beyond the keeper Akinfeev towards the six-yard line. Doyle was lurking but Aniukov got there first to clear. 45+2 min After a superb break from Kerzhakov, Arshavin drags a shot from the edge of the area across Given but a few yards wide. Half time: Ireland 0-2 Russia That was a real shock to Ireland, who started well but were totally outclassed from the moment Russia took the lead in the 10th minute. They will do extremely well to get back into this. See you in 10 minutes; I'll leave you with Optimism's Keith Sherry. I'm going to stick my neck out here and predict a 2- 2 draw. I'm serious. I have a feeling about this one. Just blow the whistle for half time. Half-time rallying cry from Niall Mullen "Thank God we've got Trap, boring defensive football and no real chance at qualification. Brian Kerr did pretty much the same but he was just too Irish. And inexpensive." 46 min Ireland kick off from left to right. No substitutions on either side. 48 min "Can anyone clear up if Rory Delap ever retired from international football?" asks James Molloy, mistaking me for a competent professional. "If he hasn't I can't understand why he's not in ahead of these two muppets in centre field. Also Kilbane's long throws are awful." GOAL! Ireland 0-3 Russia (Shirokov 50) This is getting very messy. Shirokov advances through the inside-right channel in a criminal amount of space and hits an angled shot from 25 yards that deflects off Dunne, completely wrongfooting Given in the process, before drifting in at the near post. 52 min After an inviting lay-off from McGeady, Whelan hits a sweet daisy-cutter from 25 yards that is claimed by Akinfeev at the second attempt. 55 min Nearly a fourth for Russia. Arshavin plays a neat, short-range one-two with Kerzhakov on the edge of the box and bursts through on Given, but his shot from the right corner of the six-yard box deflects off the covering St Ledger and into the side netting at the near post. That was good defending. 57 min Doyle is booked for a frustrated, flying two-footed challenge on Berezutsky for which he could well have been sent off. 58 min Dzagoev's forensic angled pass from the right wing puts Kerzhakov beyond the Ireland defence. Given comes to meet him so Kerzhakov slides it first time right across the face of goal, but there is nobody there to tap it into the vacant net. 59 min "Perhaps after the match the Russians and the Irish can play a consolatory round of some type of a drinking game," says Andrei Scudder, "or maybe just bond over our common love of all things potato. Russian-Irish drinking game is bound to be a bit closer than this I bet." 60 min John O'Shea's on the pitch. I've just realised. 61 min Aniukov is booked for a cynical foul on McGeady. 62 min Doyle completely bungles a header from Lawrence's inswinging free-kick and the ball drifts tamely wide. Seconds later, Shane Long replaces Liam Lawrence. Long goes wide left, with McGeady moving to the right. 64 min "Can I be first to say this substitution is a Long-shot?" says Brian Murphy, first. 65 min Russia are still looking really dangerous, not settling for three. After a patient passing move, Kerzhakov unsuccessfully tries to roll the last man St Ledger in the box. 66 min Ireland's second substitution: Darron Gibson replaces Glenn Whelan. 68 min Russia make their first substitution: Igor Semshov replaces Konstantin Zyryanov. 69 min "This is a real problem for Trap and the fat man who ate Tardelli," says Niall Mullen. "See, if we're paying you a fortune but still getting humiliated then it starts to become a false economy. We are more than capable of getting humiliated by ourselves thank you very much." 70 min Ireland are still chasing shadows. They have been overwhelmed by a wonderfully slick Russian performance. 71 min Ireland's final substitution: Keith Fahey replaces Kevin Doyle. GOAL! Ireland 1-3 Russia (Keane 72 pen) Robbie Keane wins and scores the penalty that gives Ireland a sniff. A long free-kick was inadvertently headed back towards his own goal by Ignashevich; Keane was first onto it and went down after slight contact from behind by Zhirkov. Keane got up to calmly and deliberately send Akinfeev the wrong way from the spot. 74 min O'Shea clips a long angled pass from the halfway line that Keane, backing into Berezutsky on the six-yard line, controls brilliantly before laying it off to McGeady. His first-time shot is blocked at the expense of a corner. That comes to nothing, but when the loose ball is hoofed back in Dunne heads it down to Kilbane, in space on the six-yard line. Sadly his first touch is a minor disgrace and that allows Russia to clear. 76 min "Delap never retired," says Anthony O'Connell, "and I vaguely remember Trap saying that they needed someone who could do a bit more than throw a ball in his best broken English!" It'd be handy now, because Ireland are launching everything into the box and getting an occasional bit of joy from that approach. GOAL! Ireland 2-3 Russia (Long 78) Russia simply cannot cope with this route-one approach. Dunne heads a long, angled free-kick from the halfway line back across the face of goal; McGeady is onto it and crunches half-volley towards goal that is saved by Akinfeev, but the ball comes loose to Long and he smacks it into the corner. 79 min Does John Fashanu have Irish grandparents? Russia really are all over the place here, and it's all from 60-yard hoofs, basically. 80 min A change up front for Russia. Pavel Pogrebnyak - who is a beast and will help Russia defend set pieces - replaces the superb Alexander Kerzhakov. 81 min Russia just need to do what they've been doing for almost all of this game - passing the ball around Ireland - and they've had a good 60 seconds in that record. 82 min St Ledger, already booked, gets away with another industrial hack, this time at Dzagoev. The referee actually waved play on. Ah, having seen it again, he did get the ball, but with his extravagant follow-through he hoofed Dzagoev right in that special place with eye-watering force. Dzagoev is being stretchered off in fact. 83 min Dzagoev is replaced by the other Berezutsy, Alexey. He's gone into midfield, just in front of the back four. 85 min Arshavin swerves thrillingly around Dunne on the left wing and then burns him off disdainfully, but with Semshov and Pogrebnyak waiting he passes the ball right across the face of goal. 86 min Ireland can't get any momentum going, a situation not helped by stupid fouls like that from St Ledger on Pogrebnyak, 30 yards from the Irish goal. 87 min Richard Dunne has gone to play up front, which makes sense. "Re: your qualms with X-iquette: I first became aware of it when I signed up to a Saint Etienne newsletter in the early noughties," says Phil Podolsky. "They always signed off with XXX, Bob, Pete and Sarah. Now this was getting me right excited, conjuring Sarah Cracknell and omnisexuality in cool London. But coming from other peeps it was like totally urgh." 89 min Alexey Berezutsky moronically concedes a free-kick for a sliding challenge on Long down the right wing, 35 yards from goal. He's also booked. This is just what Ireland want, the chance to swing a free-kick into the box... 90 min ... but Dunne's header back across the face of goal from Gibson's floated free-kick is cleared a little desperately. 90+1 min There will be a minimum of four minutes' added time. 90+2 min Given launches a long free-kick from just inside the Ireland half, but it bounces all the way through to Akinfeev. 90+3 min A disgraceful miss from Pogrebnyak. Zhirkov played a superb one-two down the left with Arshavin, kept going and then curved over a superb low cross. Pogrebnyak was seven yards out, in enough space to build his own little village, but he misjudged his attempted sidefoot so badly that the ball flew off his right heel and back towards the touchline. Full time: Ireland 2-3 Russia Ireland have a big appeal for a penalty in the dying seconds when St Ledger goes over after a slight wrestling match with Zhirkov. It would have been a soft penalty. Either way, nobody could legitimately say that Russia did not deserve to win, because they gave Ireland a serious chasing for two-thirds of the match. The upshot is that the three contenders - Slovakia, Russia and Ireland - all have six points from three games, with Ireland now down to third in the group on goal difference. Cheers for your emails; night.