Republic of Ireland v Brazil - as it happened

Hello and welcome to what is being billed as a Glamour Friendly. This is perhaps the first recorded use of the word "glamour" to describe an event involving Paul McShane, men in green jester's hats doing bad dancing and lots of people trudging on and off a football pitch clapping the crowd and putting on tracksuit tops. As expected, Dunga has promised make "a host of changes" tonight. Let's hope he doesn't start too early. Still, it's a chance to see the ever-magnificent Brazil, who looked short on fantasy but physically indomitable when they beat England in Dubai. This is a aprt of their World Cup build-up. They have to take it a bit seriously. And it's a chance to see some of Ireland's freshest talent. James McCarthy looks to have recovered from Liam Ridgewell trying to maim him on Saturday (and taking down the linesman instead). He's a good young player. He has a nice way about him, some inventive subtle touches. (not Liam Ridgewell. He looks a bit like Mickey Pearce from Only Fools and Horses) Plus it's an opportunity to enjoy aged hobbling somersault-homunculus Robbie Keane, who hurt his knee in the Old Firm derby but is now unexpectedly available. And maybe also - who knows? - keen to look good on the same field as Brazil/remind everyone outside Scotland he's still alive and capable of scurrying about shaking his fist at people. Hugh Collins writes: "Trapp needs these friendlies. He needs new players - the team has depended on Keane, Duff, Dunne, Given for a decade. Good players all, but the team is crying out for new blood. Bloooood!" Steady. And here are our teams tonight: Rep of Ireland Given, Kelly, St. Ledger, McShane, Kilbane, Lawrence, Whelan, Andrews, Duff, Doyle, Keane. Brazil Julio Cesar, Maicon, Lucio, Juan, Michel Bastos, Ramires, Silva, Felipe Melo, Kaka, Adriano, Robinho. Referee: Mike Dean Keane starts then. So do Kaka and - blimey - Robinho. Bet he'd like to stick one past Shay Given. Brazil also have Dani Alves, Nilmar and Grafite on the bench, plus the perennially weedy Julio "The Alleged Best" Baptista. Robinho and Adriano are up front for Brazil. It's like Laurel and Hardy. Or French and Saunders. Or [insert other fat one-thin-one partnership here]. And Kevin Kilbane is winning his record-equalling 103rd cap. Peter Corway is feeling patriotic: "If I don't get my visa sorted soon, I will have to return to Ireland having spent the past year in Canada. I got to experience an emphatic winning feeling for the first time in a year (since the 2009 6 Nations) when Canada beat the Yanks to take Ice Hockey Gold. Not even a "glamour" tie against Brazil is enough to make me want to return to Ireland." Eh? What's wrong with Ireland? Anto in Amsterdam growls: "Im sitting in my hotel room here in Amsterdam and the red light district is about 400 yards from the hotel door... As i was on the beer last night i have decided to give it a miss tonight, so here are my options. 1. Walk to the red light and have another look around 2. Follow the MBM with you 3. Go to the pub and have another hangover tomorrow, which is not so good for work. Help me with this difficult decision". Er. Pass. Know what I'd be doing. Ireland have got quite nice old school green tracksuit tops on. The stadium is only half full and there are lots of high pitched school kid cheers about. Phil Sawyer is really pleased to find Andy Townsend on his telly: "It's good to see the Republic's best man on top form, One touch cliches, slick generalisations, quickfire shallow analysis triangles: waxing lyrical about Brazil and THAT handball, Andy Townsend is an example to football punditry everywhere." 1 min Brazil kick off and Given gets a couple of early touches, hoofing it away once, and then toying with Adriano a bit before hoofing it away again. It's a bit quiet. 3 mins Brazil look great on the ball in every position. I think we're going to get lots of them noodling it about tonight. It would be good to get an early goal - ideally an Irish one. 5 mins And there's a chance for Keane. Doyle nods it down and Keane cuts inside Melo and has a shot from the right that Cesar holds. That was lively. And here's some more - Doyle beats Juan in the air and almost cuts in on goal but Melo crowds him out. Spiky start from Ireland. 6 mins Odd, apparently Brazil's left-back Bastos is actually playing as an attacking midfielder for his club. Shades of Leonardo who went from Yank-elbowing wing-back to silky Milanese fantasista. Brazil have just been passing the ball about for ages. It looks very easy. 9 mins Loose ball from Robinho almost lets in Duff but the awesome Lucio tackles him. And moments klater Keane gets in behind Bastos and he's got the ball by the byeline near the goal, but he's crowded out for a corner. It bounces behind off the huge, frightening head of McShane. And Hugh Collins notes: "A bold, inventive line-up from Il Trapp, gambling on rising stars like Kevin Kilbane and Glenn Whelan." But maybe better than having a bunch of 19-year-olds lose 5-0 to Brazil? 11 mins Maicon crosses from near the corner flag but Adriano can't get near it, depsit being vast. Moments later Kaka shoots from 30 yards but it's a yard over. Whelan didn't really close him down there. Phil Sawyer points out: "All Anto in Amsterdam needs to do is insert the word 'then' in between each option and he'll have his itinerary for the night sorted nicely." You dog. 14 mins This game is quite breezy and lively. Lawrence is violently upended by Juan and Ireland have a useful free kick on the left flank. And Tom Bason is raving about the talent on view here. But not that talent: "just a note on Kevin Doyle tonight- the lad is absolutely quality. As a Wolves fan, I never thought I'd appreciate an Irish striker more than Robbie Keane, but Doyle has been awesome this season. He absolutely terrorised Liverpool's defence all on his own a few weeks back." 16 mins Great save by Cesar! Doyle has been listening to Tom Bason and he gets his head to Damien Duff's cross about six yards out, heads goalwards and the leaping Cesar palms away. Doyle found some space there and maybe should have scored, but it was a top save. 18 mins Why do Brazillian people always looks so cheerful? But still somehow a bit old-fashioned? And also child-like and weirdly clear-skinned? there are loads of them in the ground grinning and looking fresh-faced. 20 mins Great defensive blocking from Kelly and McShane as Brazil bomb forward and Adriano and Robinho both have shots on goal. Brazil broke all the way down the field from an Irish free-kick there. That was slinky. 21 mins and this just in: And this just in: "Two things I feel I should tell you, Barney," hollers Paul Doyle from the Emirates . "Firstly, there is a simmering subplot to this match - the ball being used has been espeially conceived for the occasion by Nike, and as such stands a rival to the all-new adidas ones that will be deployed at the World Cup. Just as Ireland want to show that they deserve to be at the summer's showpiece, Nike apparently want to make a similar point about the ball. Secondly, and far more intriguing in my book, a well-known journalist whom I will not name is sufficiently close to me in the press box for me to be able to see that while occassionally looking at this game he is also ... playing Football Manager on his computer." 22 mins Is it Brian Glanville? 23 mins Brazil are having most of the ball now. They are kind of nice to watch. Maicon is rampaging about pushing Duff backwards down his flank (not literally). And Ethan Dean-Richards, who used to play for Spurs, writes: "Come Hugh, Trap hasn't played it all safe, he has started Robbie 'it's getting embarrassing now' Keane. On another note, I hope you publish this email because I'm 0 for 7 on recent emails Guardian Towers - is it paranoid to imagine that I'm becoming a laughing stock?" No. Snuffle. 26 mins Some desperate defending by Ireland as Whelan gives the ball away and Brazil break. McShane clogs Kaka. Free kick not too far from goal. Niall Mullen agrees about Kevin doyle: "I agree about Kevin Doyle. He gives a physical presence, holds the ball up and gets more goals than, say, Emile Heskey. Villa should try to do a swap when Wolves go down." 27 mins Adriano taknes the free-kick, curling it in left-footed and Given palms it over. Phil Sawyer wats clarification: "Is that "you dog" said in the down with the kids bad ass "you the dogg" sense or in the James Cameron p*ssing all over the memory of a brave crew member on the Titanic "I'll shoot you all like the dogs you are" sense? I ask merely for clarification of my social standing in the morning." More Terry-Thomas. Corner to Brazil. 29 mins Ireland are being pushed back here by an up-for-it Brazil. Adriano sets up Maicon for a shot but he amusingly punts it miles wide and into the crowd. On the gifted James McCarthy Derek Alexander notes: "One of Scotland freshests young talents, stolen by the FAI whispering sectarian sweet nothings in his ear when he was a young boy." Surely not. 31 mins Heavy tackle by Duff on Maicon. Brazil are a bit cross. On the video game playing hack, Russell Fraser ponders: "Amusing though that thought is, Brian Glanville has the air of a man who might violently disdain players of video games, while at the same time requiring the help of his grandchildren to use the DVD; the two things perhaps not being unrelated. Surely it's Johnathan Pearce?" 33 mins Ireland have a spell of possession and they seem a bit happier about that. A long pass from midfield almost finds the scampering Keane trying to run away from Lucio but the ball hits him on the heel and goes off the other way. Keane always look to be trying so hard, but running so slow. No one has ever put so much effort into such a lack of speed. Rick Buur, who sounds cold, says: "A tip for Anto in Amsterdam: Irish Pub Molly Malone (near the Red Light District) has its weekly expat night on the tuesday. It's not just drinking but you can play Wii as well. Also it's really networking isn't it?" 36 mins Free kick as Kaka is fouled. Robinho takes it, but wafts the ball horribly over the bar. So much for the new Nike Super Kick Phenomono Globe or whatever it's called. And Donal Mullally wonders:"Is that Jasper Carrot refereeing?" 39 mins Ireland have a free-kick of their own, which Duff lifts in towards Kilbane. It's headed out by Lucio and St Ledger attempts a spectacular gymnastic once-in-a-lifetime overhead kick volley from a Van Basten angle. Not a bad effort. Bounces wide. 41 mins Nice stuff from Kaka, Robinho and Melo puts Maicon in for a cross, a nice one that St Ledger defends well with his head. Phil Sawyer argues: ""No one has ever put so much effort into such a lack of speed." I realise this is a football MBM, but have you never seen Monty Panesar running after a ball in the field?" Yes. But Keane looks like he really believes he actually is really fast. Monty knows at all times he's a camel. 43 mins Doyle sprtins on to a long pass close to the edge of the penalty area, nice pass by whelan, but Bastos outpaces him and nudges it away. Moments later another fine pass from Whelan finds Duff who twists and turns and gets a low cross in that's cleared. Good stuff. 44 mins GOAL FOR BRAZIL!!! Really quick break by Brazil, Maicon sprints into the space where Duff might have been, feeds it to Robinho on the left wing (he might have been just about offside) and his cross into the box is turned into his own goal by Andrews . 45 mins That was a little bit unlucky. Lovely ball in from Robinho and Andrews just couldn't do anything else with it. 45+1 mins HALF TIME 1-0 to Brazil, who just about deserve it. Let's hope they don't just take loads of players off now, although I wouldn't mind seeing some of the subs too. I'm off for a cup of "tea" from the machine and a Toffee Crisp. Back in five. On lack of speed/effort Andrew Workman writes: "Dirk Kuyt" "At least we can say that the first goal of the game was scored by an Irish man," notes Brian Ó Donnchadha. Christopher Bannister sniffs: "A Toffee Crisp Barney? I thought you worked for The Guardian, yet here you are munching on the Nestlé treats. You'd best hope Polly Toynbee's not reading this MBM." Toyners always reads these. She's bang up for it. Shame she only gets to write all that stuff about the third way and the fourth way and why gordon Brown isn't really a dufus. Robin Hazlehurst suggests: "Maybe Keane grew up watching Chariots of Fire a lot. They really put a lot of effort into running fast in that film, and probably believe they are doing so, but crikey it takes them a long time to cover 100 metres. " Lee James has rubber worries: "The commentators tell us that this game is in aid of a campaign to get people to wear condoms in Africa. Presuming Kaka is still contracted to Jesus, isn't that a bit taboo for him as an evangelical? Can we expect a legal challenge from God & Son almightys at law?" Ben Dunn has considered Keane and his little legs at length: "Keane, like Del Piero for Juventus, has lost the verve required by a striker. Capello advised Del Piero to take a more deep-seated position - a midfielder of vision - Del Piero refused and spent some considerable time on the bench. Having seen Del Piero play as a striker I can see Capello's point. He has no power nor turn of speed, but plays as though these are his strengths. I think Keane needs to look at playing further back, a possible Pirlo role, or a formation that allows a player behind a front two, otherwise he's a Scottishleague player for life." Not that there's anything wrong with that. Richard Whittal points out: "whenever Brazil move past the halfway line, the crowd suddenly resembles that gaggle of teenage girls greeting the Beatles at John F. Kennedy airport in 1964? PS - I don't think you look like Roadkill." No - I think it was us looking at you "like you were roadkill". 45 mins We're off again. Ireland win an early corner, given away by Bastos. This kind of thing is Ireland's best chance of a goal. 47 minutes Duff's corner breaks to Keane and his shot is blocked by Lucio. There was a bit of faffing by Cesart in there. I think he thought St Ledger pushed him, the big whingeing weed. John McLauchlin asks: "What do you think of this Brazil midfield? Melo is a decent tackler who really is only a good enough player for Almeria, Silva has good positional sense and Ramires is quick. None of them make a pass of more than 10 yards with any accuracy. Isn't it ridiculous to have the tasks of one good midfielder done by three very limited players?" I think they all pass it a bit like Dunga. And there's no goals in that midfield, or very many up front. 50 mins Brazil keep on attacking down both flanks and Bastos wins a corner. Colin Galloway asks: "Hi Barney, big tussle involving Kaka just beyond half way line running back , 15 sec's before goal..arm's raised.....Referee had a look - did nothing.....did you see that or anyone else see that..?" It's Henry all over again! Quick, start a Facebook page! 51 mins Nice stuff from Kaka and Ramires on the left edge of the Ireland penalty area and Kaka is suddenly furious with Andrews over somehting. I think he nudged him over when the ball had gone. They squared up to each other unconvincingly. Kaka! Jesus here. Cut that out. And Justin Kavanagh has disturbing news: "Mention of your half-time Toffee Crisp has brought a wistful tear to my eye, Barney, as I've been told to give up chocolate by my doctor this week. It's like being told that you can't watch Brazil at future World Cups. Oh to have Anto's dilemnas in Amsterdam." 54 mins Kaka has a shot at goal but it's blocked and Ireland break, but it's a bit slow and laboured although they do keep possession. Darron Gibson is coming on in a bit. Phil Sawyer asks: "Re: Richard Whittal's comment at half time. "PS - I don't think you look like roadkill". Was he talking to me? He hasn't seen me after a night on the ale. Or maybe he has, in which case last weekend went horribly, horribly wrong..." No. He's still banging on about the time he came on the podcast. 56 mins Gibson comes on. Duff goes off. McGeady comes on too. Missed who came off for him. Keanes' still puffing about out there. Ethan Dean-Richards adds: "Bannister just cracked the joke that I was trying so hard to think of (Toffee Crisp etc). I guess that's the difference between witty contributer and laughing stock weirdo. So close." And Bastos has a thrash at goal from some distance but it flies just over with Given scrambling. 59 mins Brazil are still dominating this game, but quietly and with a sense that it doesn't really matter very much. More last-ditch tackling from Kelly on Kaka as he prepares to shoot. 61 mins Some nice approach play from Brazil ends up with Maicon having a shot from 15 yards out that St Ledger blocks with his ahem groin area. Grafite is about to come on. And Ben Dunn writes: "It is a very different Brazil team from the classic stereotype. Their goalkeeper is on a level with the previously untouchable Buffon. Their defence has Maicon and Lucio, who are arguably the best in their positions at the present time. The midfield is made in the manager's image and has the creativity of the Ray Wilkins Triplets," writes Ben Dunn. "On a different note. Fringe is on a break, V is still on a break and Lost is my only TV programme of the week. I am currently acquiring True Blood the first episode through my dear friends at EZTV. Worth it? any other recommendations? I'll be the first to make the obligatory The Wire comment, but I'm looking for something less intense, and less Guardian." How about Scooby-Doo? 64 mins Grafite and Alves comes on for (the puffing and blowing) Adriano and Ramires. Alves almost scores within five seconds of coming as he robs St Ledger, beats the keeper and somehow fails to hit the target with his left foot. That was horrible defending. Robin Hazlehurst jeers: "So Phil Sawyer's definition of a weekend that went horribly horribly wrong is one where he doesn't end up looking like roadkill? A man with low standards indeed." 66 mins Robinho spanks a shot just over from 25 yards. That came out of nothing. And Silver Fox asks "Is it just me or is the atmosphere more akin to a boyband pop concert rather than a football match. Never heard so much girlie screaming since my daughter's birthday party." It is a bit squealy. 68 mins Robinho thinks he's scored but he's offisde, Graifte robbing McShane and putting him in for a nice finish past Given. Might have been an Irish boot that put the ball through to him, but the goal was perhaps offside so maybe it all evens out in the end. Moments later Robinho baloons a simple chance over the bar after Andrews gives the ball to Kaka on the right wing. Terrible defending but a very casual finish. 71 mins McCarthy just came on for his debut. He's the future. And James Tyler asks: "If the conspiracy against Arsenal is to be believed, along with the theory that teams with less talent will frequently "get stuck in" against better opponents, how come Brazil aren't walking wounded?" I have a hunch it has somehting to do with winning trophies and a hierarchy of respect. Check out those Ricardo Fuller comments. Plus Brazil are a big team. 73 mins Oh dear. A rubbish show-off attempt at converting a Maicon cross by Kaka. Pauses to do some keep-ups before having a shot and McShane robs him. That was ridiculous. San Boiling writes: "Re Ben Dunn's TV Round-up. Has he tried 'Glee'? Apparently quite a lot of people think that's quite good." It's not. 75 mins More TV hints. John McLauchlin suggests: "Re: Ben Dunn. True Blood = Buffy the Vampire Slayer uncensored. I'd recommend Breaking Bad." 77 mins BRAZIL SCORE!!!! Lovely goal by Robinho!! Really nice team interplay also involving Kaka and Graftie ends with Grafite backheeling a return pass through McShane's legs for Robinho to side-foot an effortless finish into the corner from the edge of the box. That were proper champion. 79 mins Best comes on for Ireland and almost gets on to the end of a bouncing ball in the six-yard box but he's crowded out. To be honest Brazil look fitter, stronger, and also much better out there right now. 82 mins Apparently there were 22 passes in the build-up to Robinho's goal. Take that Wing Commander Charles Reep! Brazil wind the clock down by keeping the ball a bit. And Sean Boiling is engaging in anti-social behaviour: "I know this doesn't work in the proper pronunciation but hey, I'm not Brazilian. Or proper. Could grafite scrawl his name in the history books of international friendlies with another of those trademark 70 yard beat all 11 opposition players twice and then back heel it into the net runs? Who has Trapp put on Grafite to tag him? Is Grafite spraying the ball around?" Oh dear. It's getting late. 84 mins Nice footwork from Nilmar, who's also on now, and Kelly drags him down. Free kick in a decent position. Deflected for a corner and Ireland clear it. On watching things Scott W says: "Old telly is the answer. Check out stuff before you were born. "The Edge of Darkness" and "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy" are both great - and (in a blatant infringement) of copyright someone has uploaded them on YouTube." 86 mins Ireland won't have enjoyed this seocnd half. They just haven't had the ball at all. Must be awful playing against teams who can keep it like this and who you can't push around and get stuck into in return. Grafite runs on to Nilmar's pass and shoots wide from a tricky angle. A bit selfish that. 88 mins It's all dying a bit out there. Brazil want to go home. They've done their bit in the second half. Hugh Collins says "Ben should check out Mad Men. Best TV drama since Sopranos." Is it though? Grafite tries a cheeky chip from an angle. That would have been goal of the seaosn. It flies over Given's bar. 90+1 mins Kaka almost plays in Eduardo after some neat high speed interplay. That was really too easy against a tired looking defence. Down the other end Best has a shot which Cesar smothers (while Robbie Keane screams at him unfairly for not passing). 90+3 mins FULL TIME . Brazil win 2-0 and they deserved it. That could have been four quite easily. Really good display from Brazil in the second half and it all makes you long for the World Cup. That's all from me. Thanks for all your emails, sorry for not being able to put them all up. Barney.