Bangladesh v England - day one as it happened

Preamble Good morning. So, congratulations to England on their victory in the second Test here in Dhaka, which secures only their second series win overseas since the heady days in 2004-05. This particular movie told us the ending in the opening scene – in the trailer, in fact – yet that does not mean it hasn't been worth watching. The most important thing, as always, is not what happens but how it happens, why it happens, and what arc each character goes through. For England, that means a particular focus in this match on Michael Carberry*, Jonathan Trott, Tim Bresnan and Steven Finn as they jockey for position ahead of You Know What; on Alastair Cook's captaincy, which was underwhelming in Chittagong, at least according to some numpty on the Wisden Cricketer site ; and of course on Kevin Pietersen, who would be compelling viewing even in a documentary about Tiddlywinks. * Who isn't even playing. A great start by me. Kings Cross in the wee hours on a Friday night Where's that eek emoticon? Bangladesh have won the toss and will bat first on what Bob Willis says is a "very dry" pitch. And if anyone knows about that which is very dry, it's our beloved Bob. Team news England pick five bowlers shock. James Tredwell comes in for his debut in place of Michael Carberry, so Jonathan Trott will open and Kevin Pietersen will presumably bat No3 for the first time in his Test career. That's a good move from England, and it's nice to see that they weren't stubborn just for the sake of it. Bangladesh make two changes, brining in Jahirul Islam and Shafiul Islam for Aftab Ahmed and Shahadat Hossain. Bangladesh Tamim Iqbal, Imrul Kayes, Junaid Siddique, Jahirul Islam, Mahmudullah, Shakib Al Hasan (c), Mushfiqur Rahim (wk), Naeem Islam, Abdur Razzak, Shafiul Islam, Rubel Hossain. England Cook (c), Trott, Pietersen, Collingwood, Bell, Prior (wk), Bresnan, Broad, Swann, Tredwell, Finn. The only song you'll need to listen to during tonight's play Yeah it's obvious, but so what . And muchos thanks to whoever introduced me to this during the last Test. Sky have just shown a very enjoyable pre-play chat between the ever-excellent pair of Graeme Swann and Mike Atherton, running through how he balls his two main deliveries: the off-spinner and the slider. Swann says that he bowls with the shiny side facing away, which is unusual among offspinners, and has a slightly different grip to most others, with his fingers further into the ball. That was really good; only two of three minutes but full of insights for us common folk. I'll be turning it square within weeks. 1st over: Bangladesh 7-0 (Tamim Iqbal 7, Imrul Kayes 0) Stuart Broad opens the bowling, and his first delivery, to Tamim, is a good one that flies off the edge and low through backward point for four. Tamim, who is 21 today, then pushes three through mid-off. This looks, as Mike Atherton says, a very decent toss to win on a pitch which, unlike that Chittagong soul-sapper, should deteriorate on days four and five. "What am I doing up?" asks Alex Netherton before answering his own question. "Listening to the cees next door play ironic eighties music. Thanks irony, thanks the internet, thanks Dalston, thanks London, thanks England. Thanks. No thanks ." 2nd over: Bangladesh 17-0 (Tamim Iqbal 17, Imrul Kayes 0) Bresnan takes the new ball, even though he struggled with it in the first Test, and his first ball is a rank long hop that Tamim Iqbal smashes through the covers for four. That redefined the word 'swaggering'. But then he's dropped next ball. He went for a booming cut stroke but the ball bounced a bit and flew off the edge towards second slip; Paul Collingwood leapt up but it went through his left hand and away for four more. It wasn't much of a chance. That takes Tamim to 15 from six balls. An opener, in a Test match, has 15 from six balls. This is definitely the 21st century. No sign of swing for Bresnan; a brave captain would get him straight off here and give it to Finn. "Evening/morning," says Phil Sawyer. "Cook: ' I don't want to downgrade him but he's not a feasible option as a second spinner '. Scrap! Scrap! Scrap! I reckon Cook and KP need to meet behind the bike sheds after school and sort this out once and for all. My money's on Cook deceiving KP with his matinee looks before proving himself to be a surprisingly nuggety fighter and immobilising KP with a swift kick to the swingers." 3rd over: Bangladesh 17-0 (Tamim Iqbal 17, Imrul Kayes 0) There's reasonable bounce, by subcontinental standards, with this new ball, and Imrul Kayes is beaten by a good one from Broad but otherwise defends solidly. It's a maiden. In other news, I still can't get enough of this . I found myself humming it in Sainsbury's the other day. A zenith. 4th over: Bangladesh 25-0 (Tamim Iqbal 25, Imrul Kayes 0) Tamim blasts Bresnan's first ball for four to move to 21 from 11 balls, and then picks up a couple of twos to make it 25 from 16. What a charming player he is. I want to hear Mark Nicholas commentate on him. I want to hear him say crackerjack as Tamim laces another boundary through the covers. "Did you get the short straw again or do you choose to do this to yourself?" asks Rai Skrupskis. "Isn't there anything better to do on a Friday night in London? There isn't anything better to do in Albuquerque at the moment. Obviously." I'm actually not sure there is anything better to do in London on a Friday night you know. 5th over: Bangladesh 33-0 (Tamim Iqbal 25, Imrul Kayes 7) Now Imrul Kayes joins in the fun, pinging a leg-stump half-volley through square-leg for four. England have a fair old job on today: the pitch is flat, of course, and it looks desperately hot, the sort of day when the sweat stings your eyes and you feel like you need to change your grundies every five minutes. We might just have a game here, you know. "Whilst looking through an old family album last weekend and shuddering through the usual horror of pictures of myself with a lustrous mullet, I came across one particular gem," says Neil Stork-Brett. "An autographed Sheffield Shield ticket stub of WA v QLD (1987?) by no less a person than Ian Botham. Scoff all you like, but how many Test wickets has your autographed piece of tat got eh? Eh?" Well, no, you're right, my Scarlett Johansson, Zooey Deschanel, Victoria Pendleton and Jennie Bond autographs don't have any Test wickets, but I think I know who's winning. I keep meaning to read more about Botham's year in the Sheffield Shield, especially that flight . 6th over: Bangladesh 38-0 (Tamim Iqbal 26, Imrul Kayes 11) England already have a deep point out from Tamim. That might seem negative but I think it's a fair decision. What I don't agree with is persisting with Bresnan, who is doing nothing with this new ball. That's not a criticism of him; there's just nothing there. Give it to Finn, see what bounce he can get before it softens, and get Bresnan back to bowl as excellently with the ageing ball as he did at Chittagong. He's so obviously hittable that Imrul Kayes is able to drive him high over extra cover for four. A shot of remarkable impudence which leads Mike Atherton to cite Clayton Lambert, who along with Philo Wallace had a couple of remarkable assaults against England's new-ball bowlers in the Caribbean in 1997-98. " S to the pam ," says Poppy McNee. "My pleasure." 7th over: Bangladesh 43-0 (Tamim Iqbal 27, Imrul Kayes 11) England haven't really hit Imrul Kayes with any short stuff so far, which is a surprise given the meek nature of his first-innings dismissal at Chittagong. A shortish delivery from Broad deflects off the pad for four leg-byes, and Bangladesh are going at more than a run a ball. "I just had an urge to be unpatriotic and stick £20 on Bangladesh to win," says TRAITOR Phil Withall. "Only snag is that the best price I can find is 7/1! Seems a little short. I mean you can get 33/1 on the Kiwis beating Aus." That's because the Kiwis are 12 for four, chasing nine million . I don't think Bangladesh will win this, but they might give England a serious scare. It looks a very good toss to win. 8th over: Bangladesh 51-0 (Tamim Iqbal 35, Imrul Kayes 11) Bresnan does come off, but it's to be replaced by Graeme Swann. It's hard to argue with that, given Swann's form, record and all-round dudeness. But, as Bob Willis notes, it's pretty rare to see a spinner inside the first half -hour of a Test. He has a slip and short leg for Tamim, who square-drives the second ball delightfully for four and then hammers the last majestically through the covers for four more. The early overs of a Test used to be about caution, but there's nothing crepuscular about this start. It's wonderful stuff. Tamim is only 21 today; what a player he is going to be. What a player he is. WICKET! Bangladesh 53-1 (Imrul Kayes c Finn b Broad 12) Imrul Kayes screws a loose, looping drive at Broad's slower ball towards mid-off, where Steven Finn takes a fine low catch on the run. It was great athleticism and judgement because the ball suddenly died on him, but he still got his hands under it. An important wicket for England, not least because Tamim Iqbal was dropped by Cook two balls earlier. 9th over: Bangladesh 53-1 (Tamim Iqbal 36, Junaid Siddique 0) So, that Tamim chance. He dragged a full delivery from Broad to mid-on, but Cook mistimed his leap and it flew off his left wrist. By Test standards, it was a sitter. "Rob - I've just stumbled in, horrid drunk, and it seems that Bangladesh are scoring at six an over????" says Ed Battison. "Confused now, surely our attack can't be that bad?" They haven't been bad at all. It's just been exhilarating batting from a rare talent. 10th over: Bangladesh 54-1 (Tamim Iqbal 37, Junaid Siddique 0) A decent over from Swann, the highlight of which was a quicker one that almost got through Tamim. "Thanks for that Edward Khil link Rob," says Phil Sawyer. "As an experienced insomniac I'm always on the look out for tunes that will suddenly come back to me at 4.30 in the morning and go round and round my brain until I wake exhausted 30 minutes after I finally fall asleep and with only 15 minutes before I'm supposed to be setting off for work." I love his ludicrous little laugh after 1:53. Hohohohohoho! 11th over: Bangladesh 58-1 (Tamim Iqbal 38, Junaid Siddique 3) Tamim, as his wont, is now settling down to play properly after that blazing start. It's like a turbo-charged version of the old Steve Waugh tactic; he would calculate the necessary risks to get to 20 at a run a ball, thus spreading the field and reversing the momentum. Then he would book in for bed and breakfast, usually grilled Pom. Siddique, for his part, is in no hurry and eventually gets off the mark with a very pleasant drive down the ground for three off Broad. 12th over: Bangladesh 78-1 (Tamim Iqbal 57, Junaid Siddique 4) This is unreal batting from Tamim! He has just smacked Swann for 4446 from consecutive deliveries, in the process reaching a stunning half-century from only 34 balls. Thirty. Four. Balls. There was a thrash down the ground, a zesty slog-sweep, another clump past the bowler and then a big drive over long-off for six. He went charging down the wicket to the next ball as well, so nearly yorking himself in the process, but the ball squeezed off the inside-edge to safety. Twenty from the over. Sensational stuff. 13th over: Bangladesh 87-1 (Tamim Iqbal 66, Junaid Siddique 4) Finn is on for Broad, who bowled a decent spell of 6-1-21-1. It's all the same to Tamim, who times a full delivery exquisitely through midwicket for four and then flat-bats him through extra-cover for four. He has 66 from 42 balls. What was that about him knuckling down? This is an outrageous performance, and he is on course to become the first batsman since Majid Khan in 1976-77 to score a century before lunch on day one of a Test match. England are down to one slip already. "I, for one, do not thank you for the Edward Khil link," trolololos Doug Velardo. 14th over: Bangladesh 95-1 (Tamim Iqbal 74, Junaid Siddique 4) Tamim continues to assault Swann, sweeping him flat and hard for four and then slog-sweeping the next ball high over midwicket for four more. This is simply extraordinary. Swann switches to over the wicket, and Tamim defends. Swann's four overs have cost 37. Time for drinks. Who needs one? "It has to be said that exposing players like Tamim Iqbal to the Test arena more ethan justifies Bangladesh's Test status," says Phil Withall. "Would it be wrong to start worrying about the Ashes now. As I'm already a TRAITOR I suppose I can." I'm surprised you're not singing Under The Southern Cross I Stand already. DRINKS Talking of which, good night out was it? 15th over: Bangladesh 108-1 (Tamim Iqbal 74, Junaid Siddique 16) Siddique takes time out from watching Tamim to strike Finn for three boundaries in the over: two pushes through the covers and a nice square-drive. He looks a very good player – graceful, organised and composed – but England are ragged. The last four overs have disappeared for 50! "Viv Richards' record is 56 balls, right?" says Chris Wright. "What do you reckon?" That will be beyond him, surely – he needs 26 from eight deliveries – but he could definitely get the third-fastest . The top two, Viv and Adam Gilchrist, did theirs while batting for a declaration in the third innings, with all the freedom that suggests. To do this in the first innings, on the first morning, is without precedent and almost beyond comprehension. 16th over: Bangladesh 114-1 (Tamim Iqbal 80, Junaid Siddique 16) That rarest of birds: a boundaryless over. Tamim manufactures three sweeps off Swann, each of which bring two, but that's all. Yes, that's all. Just a run a ball. Tamim has 80 from 54 balls. Unreal. "After the first Test the BBC website described Steven Finn as being 'fairly nimble in the field for a big man'," says John Leavey. "We have cricket's equivalent of Peter Crouch at last!" 17th over: Bangladesh 114-1 (Tamim Iqbal 80, Junaid Siddique 16) James Tredwell draws a straw so short that it barely exists, coming on for his first bowl in Test cricket just as Bangladesh are running riot. It's a very solid over to Siddique, who is content to take a look at Tredwell and thus plays out a maiden. Well bowled. "Does emailing you now, at 4.21am in a Test against Bangladesh, grant us entry into some sort of exclusive club?" asks Mark Taylor. "(As an aside I'm keeping up my unintentional record of emailing another OBO Test series from a different town/city/county; it's been fourish years, and at the last count 11 moves, I'm now working as a reporter for the Newbury Weekly News in deepest darkest Berkshire.)" And, in answer to your earlier question, you have just been granted a year's free entry to the Winners' Enclosure, a place occupied only by the OBO's finest. 18th over: Bangladesh 115-1 (Tamim Iqbal 81, Junaid Siddique 16) One from Swann's over. Tamim has calmed down in the last couple ten minutes. I like that, the fact that he is playing each ball on its etcs rather than trying to reach his century as quickly as possible. He still has 81 from 57 balls. "Just wondering, do you like spinach?" says Stuart Wilson. Who are you calling Popeye, eh? Do you want som- oh. "If so you might want to pop to my wife's spinach-based market stall for your breakfast. You can get spinach muffins, spinach quiche and spinach salads, but sadly not spinach beer. Feel free to advertise to all spinach-loving (Johannesburg-based) OBO readers." 19th over: Bangladesh 116-1 (Tamim Iqbal 82, Junaid Siddique 16) Tredwell gets his first bowl to Tamim, who is content to push a single to mid-off. Tredwell has started well: 2-1-1-0. "Drifting from horrible drunk to incipient hangover, cricket not helping, please make it better..." says Ed Battison. "Was a good night though, thanks for asking." I'm impressed that you can remember the word incipient, never mind spell it. 20th over: Bangladesh 117-1 (Tamim Iqbal 83, Junaid Siddique 16) Tamim has definitely dropped a couple of gears. With the field spread he is just helping himself to singles. Siddique is building his innings carefully, so there's just one from that Swann over. "Bangladesh seem to be taking the piss out of England; isn't that your job?" says Yemon Choi. "Have to confess that rather than hanging on the OBO to update me with yet another over of disdainful batting, have been rewatching The Fast Show. Which was nice. Oh, and regarding Eduard Khil, see this via this ." I'm looking forward to watching those in the lunch break. In fact I'd go so far as to say that I've never been as excited about anything, ever . 21st over: Bangladesh 118-1 (Tamim Iqbal 84, Junaid Siddique 16) Tredwell has just a slip and a short-extra for Tamim, who sweeps for a single. England's think tank – well, Cook and Prior – have a quick mid-over chat, after which they bring in a silly point and short leg for Siddique. That's good to see because Siddique is playing very carefully so there's no reason not to have them. Good start from Tredwell, just two from three overs. "Tamim Iqbal is employed by the Guardian OBO, and is batting like this so that us Friday drunks will think it's an ODI and will happily sit and refresh, waiting for the power plays," says Joe Meredith. "Confirm or deny?" No comment. 22nd over: Bangladesh 119-1 (Tamim Iqbal 85, Junaid Siddique 16) Tamim's cautiousness can be traced by the drinks break; perhaps a word was passed down from the dressing-room, or perhaps England slipped something special into his water. Obviously that would never happen in cricket, but it's not exactly unheard of in top-level sport . "This boy Tamim looks a real dasher," says Anupam Srivastava. "The way he is playing Swaan is unbelievable." If they don't kill off Test cricket, he is going to score a helluva lot of runs over the next 15-20 years. WICKET! Bangladesh 119-2 (Tamim Iqbal c Prior b Tredwell 85) James Tredwell has got his first Test wicket, and it's the big one. It may also have been a poor decision. Tamim went for the sweep but it went off his forearm and up in the air, and Prior ran to his right to take a good catch diving forward. The key is whether it hit the glove or the edge of the bat before going onto the forearm; I'm not sure it did, but England were very certain. Then again, they usually are. Tamim certainly looked disappointed on the way off, waving his forearm at Rod Tucker. Either way, tat's the end of a truly wonderful innings from Tamim, 85 from 71 balls on the first morning of a Test. It's a real shame he didn't get to a century, especially as he may have got a bad one. 23rd over: Bangladesh 119-2 (Junaid Siddique 16, Jahirul Islam 0) The debutant Jahirul Islam is the new batsman. "Exclusive clubs - pah!" pahs Mark Hiratsuka. "This time last week I was following the fine, fine OBO fun in a Tokyo park, complete with snakes; this session I'm on a bullet train speeding to 'Japan's Briefcase' - the hideous industrial city that is Nagoya. Hangovers 0 - 1 300kph trains..." WICKET! Bangladesh 122-3 (Jahirul Islam LBW b Swann 0) The debutant goes for a duck. He pushed tentatively round his front pad at an orthodox off spinner and Tony Hill raised the finger. That looked tight on both line and height, and Hawkeye just had it hitting the top of leg. "He has started his Test career with a nought," says Mike Atherton, before getting a flashback to Trent Bridge 1989 and adding wistfully: "Many have..." That was Benaudesque, and obviously compliments come no higher when it comes to commentary. 25th over: Bangladesh 124-3 (Junaid Siddique 21, Mahmudullah 0) England are back in the game. This is a good thing. The less palatable offshoot is that Matt Prior's gob is once again open for business. I like Prior a lot, and I know this is his job and he does it well, but he really does talk some bollocks. "It all started when he dug a hole boys," he says of the largely strokeless Siddique, who works Tredwell's first loose delivery through midwicket for a couple. "What was the deal with Tim Bresnan sliding on the boundary and showing black underwear?" asks Khademul Islam. "Bob Willis called it a 'panto moment' - and 'panto' here can be taken in many different ways. We are worried, though, black is no colour to wear on hot days, inside or out - he's going to itch and scratch in bad places tonight. Ah, mad dogs and Englishmen!" 26th over: Bangladesh 125-3 (Junaid Siddique 21, Mahmudullah 1) I missed an over somewhere. Sorry. Sue me if you want. "Fear and Loathing in the Winner's Enclosure," says Mark Taylor. "They are serving Relentless cocktails and Gary Naylor is signing autographs in here, it's everything I've ever dreamed of, before waking up screaming. My half-cut/half-asleep brain has malfunctioned, its actually been six something years - I made the original Is It Cowardly To Pray For Rain book (still dining out on it), and genuinely can't believe it's gone by that fast. I don't even know why I'm telling you this; you do it for so long it just becomes part of you." Six years since Harmison's seven for 12. All our yesterdays. 27th over: Bangladesh 129-3 (Junaid Siddique 21, Mahmudullah 5) Mahmudullah pads up to Tredwell, bringing a polite LBW enquiry. The umpire would have been guessing. This hasn't stopped them in the past, but Rod Tucker rightly says not out. Mahmudullah does it again later in the over, bringing a bigger shout. Still not out, mind. Mahmudullah cuts the next ball for four. "What am I doing?" demands Allan Casey. "I'm hiding from the wife and her friends as they play Bunco . I'd never heard of it until I came to the US but it is very popular. It's a bit like inviting the WI around for a drink and a bit of a gamble." 28th over: Bangladesh 133-3 (Junaid Siddique 25, Mahmudullah 5) Siddique cuts Swann nicely for four as the camera cuts to a fat, topless middle-aged bloke with a serious tan. I wonder if he's English. Yeah, I wonder. "The cynic in me can't help thinking that Tamim Iqbal's innings may have been intended, however obliquely, to catch the eye of an IPL franchise," says Gary Naylor. "Not that I blame him." Harsh, man. If he had that in mind he'd have kept blazing his way towards a century, surely. In many ways, that circumspection was one of the most impressive parts of his innings, because it showed an awareness of the bigger picture and an ability to control himself. 29th over: Bangladesh 134-3 (Junaid Siddique 25, Mahmudullah 6) One from Tredwell's over. Cook at silly point appeared to have dropped a very sharp chance, high to his left, but it transpired it had only come off Mahmudullah's pad. Well that's what the Sky chaps said; I'd like to see it once more to be absolutely sure. 30th over: Bangladesh 135-3 (Junaid Siddique 25, Mahmudullah 7) Mahmudullah is padding up an awful lot, and that brings another LBW enquiry, this time from Swann. Mahmudullah's judgement of what to leave has been fine so far, but it's a risky habit to get into. 31st over: Bangladesh 139-3 (Junaid Siddique 25, Mahmudullah 11) A bizarre stroke from Mahmudullah; in the final over before lunch he charges Tredwelkl and heaves him over extra-cover for four. It's an appropriate end to a blistering morning session, the highlight of which was the birthday boy Tamim Iqbal carving England hither and thither. He made 85 from 71 balls until he got an iffy decision. It was unforgettable stuff. See you in 30 minutes for the afternoon session. LUNCH The Lunchtime Play, by Neil Stork-Brett (Names and dates have been omitted to protect the innocent.) The scene: our hero (that's me) sitting minding his own business at a BBQ/party. Host enters stage right. Host: Can I get you a beer, NSB? Not drinking tonight? Me: No, no. I don't need to drink if I'm having a good time. Lady at adjoining table: Don't you mean you don't need to drink to have a good time? Me: I know what I meant. Hostess enters stage left. Hostess: We're thinking of playing charades later. While I'm up, can I get anyone a drink? Me: I'll have ten beers, thanks. This email, from Edward Genochio, ended up in my spam folder during the last Test. But it's a nice one so here it is "I used to bowl non-spinning off-breaks at such a lack of pace that senior batsmen would often keel over and die before the ball actually reached them. (We always appealed, and usually the umpire would give the correct decision: OUT, hit wicket.) A typical over from me would consist of the 'offie' - wide outside off stump, usually gathered by second slip flinging himself to his right; the 'wrong'un' - fired wide down the leg side, going for anything between one and seven byes, depending on whether the batsmen could be bothered to run (our 'keeper refused, on principle, to trot back and collect the ball from where it came to rest half way to the fine leg boundary - and since no-one else would do the job either, I usually had to field off my own bowling. At fine leg.); the 'mystery ball' - the one that flew out of the back of my hand, went straight up in the air, and finally lodged firmly in its own divot about halfway down the pitch. (This one once copped the non-striker on the top of the head after he got over-eager in his backing up. That learned him.) At this point the 'keeper would clap his hands together, call out 'Good variation there fella, keep 'em guessing' - which was a coded instruction for me to feign a back spasm and ask someone else to finish the over. 32nd over: Bangladesh 139-3 (Junaid Siddique 25, Mahmudullah 11) Stuart Broad will begin after lunch, around the wicket to Siddique with one slip and everybody on the fence. Sort of. The first ball is full and straight and Siddique gets a very late inside-edge onto the pad just before it rams into off and middle. England have a man at short midwicket and also at, what, short point as part of a tight off-side ring. That's a maiden. No sign of reverse swing yet. Meanwhile, here's the beginning and end of a very short series: Great OBOs of the Past . 33rd over: Bangladesh 145-3 (Junaid Siddique 25, Mahmudullah 17) A vote of confidence for Tredwell, who bowled well before lunch and starts after it ahead of Graeme Swann. "You're beautiful, Jimmy T," says Matt Prior before, sickeningly, launching into a quick blast of that James Blunt song. That was horrific. Mahmudullah lifts Tredwell's first ball confidently over the leg side for four, but later in the over he pads up again to bring a biggish LBW appeal. Hawkeye shows it was missing off, so that's another good decision from Rod Tucker, but Mahmudullah needs to be careful here. He's already survived four of those – all correctly, admittedly – and it's not unheard of for an umpire to get so bored of a batsman padding up that he eventually triggers him. On the boundary, Collingwood is getting a splint wrapped round a finger on his left hand, presumably the one that was struck when he tried to catch a scorcher from Tamim this morning. 34th over: Bangladesh 157-3 (Junaid Siddique 37, Mahmudullah 17) Siddique gets through the off-side ring this time, driving a slower one from Broad through extra cover for four. Then he times four more through midwicket and finally slaps a full toss to the cover fence. "Carvery bowling," says Dominic Cork, putting a new spin on the old buffet-bowling cliche. Twelve from the over, and England are going round the park. David Hopps, the Guardian's man in Dhaka, is too busy to contribute to the OBO as he is furiously following his Facebook group. It's not an I Heart David Hopps group, although somebody should set that up soon, but a group for those who oppose this utterly preposterous conference system that has been mooted. You know what you need to do. Your county needs you. 35th over: Bangladesh 162-3 (Junaid Siddique 37, Mahmudullah 22) Mahmdullah sweeps Tredwell's first ball vigorously through midwicket for four. This is terrific stuff from Bangladesh, who are on course for around 280 from their 50 overs. Oh yeah. "This looks like a good idea," says Simon Ward. "What you need are OBOs of what's on ESPN Classic at the moment, so I can watch along in a separate browser window." 36th over: Bangladesh 162-3 (Junaid Siddique 37, Mahmudullah 22) Broad is replaced by Graeme Swann. Mahmudullah ties his shoelace. "You know what happens after the shoelace boys" says Matt Prior. Someone fills your mouth with a gigantic sponge so that you can't invade my ears for the next hour or so, Matt? Is that the answer? A maiden from Swann. 37th over: Bangladesh 164-3 (Junaid Siddique 39, Mahmudullah 22) England's best hope of control seems to be with two spinners. And their best chance of wickets: Tredwell beats Siddique with a gorgeous delivery that turns past the edge and only just misses off stump. He has bowled very well, although you suspect many people might struggle to take him a seriously – probably, a bit like Tim Bresnan, because of the way he looks. We're a pretty baldist society. JUSTICE FOR THE BALD AND BALDING COMMUNITY. "On the subject of Great OBOs of the Past, can I suggest South Africa v Australia in the semi final of the 2007 World Cup?" says Phil White. "Seems apt after all your talk of Cook going on to make one in the first Test." Yeah, that one went down well. WICKET! Bangladesh 167-4 (Siddique LBW b Swann 39) This is a fine piece of bowling. Swann had been working Siddique's outside edge but then suddenly he beat him on the inside with a bit of drift. Siddique, pushing around his front pad, looked pretty plumb by modern standards. 38th over: Bangladesh 167-4 (Mahmudullah 25, Shakib Al Hasan 0) Swann has turned this round. His first five overs went for 43; since then he has taken two for 15 from nine. Top stuff. Is anyone awake? It would appear to be light outside. Get up! 39th over: Bangladesh 175-4 (Mahmudullah 33, Shakib Al Hasan 0) Mahmudullah continues to play aggressively, cutting Tredwell's first two deliveries for four. "It is a very baldist world," laments Phil Withall. "hen my daughter was born all said she looked like me. Once she grew hair she suddenly looked like her mother. And if I have the Mr Potato head/daddy thing one more time..." Bald turd? That's a hate crime . 40th over: Bangladesh 179-4 (Mahmudullah 33, Shakib Al Hasan 4) Shakib survives a referral for a Wayne Phillips dismissal . He drove Swann onto the toe of Cook at silly point, from where it looped to Matt Prior. It was extremely difficult to tell whether it just bounced before it hit Cook's toe – on balance I suspect it did – and after about 700 replays, the third umpire gave Shakib not out. It's the right decision, as the evidence was not conclusive. 41st over: Bangladesh 184-4 (Mahmudullah 38, Shakib Al Hasan 4) Mahmudullah cuts Tredwell for four once again. He plays that shot with real authority. As opposed to imaginary authority. "I was chuffed that you printed my message about Great OBOs for a split second," says Phil White. "I soon realised it came straight after the sentence 'JUSTICE FOR THE BALD AND BALDING COMMUNITY'. I am as bald as a cueball. Hope my mate and fellow OBO obsessive James Lace doesnt see this. He will though." OBO obsessive. He sounds like a winner. 42nd over: Bangladesh 184-4 (Mahmudullah 38, Shakib Al Hasan 4) Cook has persisted with short leg and silly point, which is good to see. Mahmudullah defends a maiden from Swann, who is in a real groove now. As opposed to an imaginary etc. " Song for the overnight England-watcher ," says Yemon Choi. "Especially when the attack has been taken to the cleaners (have memories of listening to the 2006-07 Ashes in a freezing spare room in Newcastle, with only Kerry O'Keeffe's anecdotes to alleviate the pain of Collingwood's Adelaide double ton coming to naught). Is it wrong to be mildly fascinated with the spelling of Kerry O'Keeffe's name? It is wrong, isn't it? It's really wrong. Deviant even. It's one step away from [that'll do - imaginary ed]. 43rd over: Bangladesh 192-4 (Mahmudullah 38, Shakib Al Hasan 12) Shakib takes consecutive boundaries off Tredwell with a cut and a sweep. Then he fresh-airs a very ambitious sweep stroke. Bangladesh are still rattling along. Anyway, the last time England picked two genuine offspinners was, I think, the dream team of Emburey and Watkinson against West Indies at Old Trafford in 1995. Emburey and Watkinson! Combined age 75! Winker did really well in that series actually, saving the fifth Test with the bat. I loved that series for all manner of reasons, not least Robin Smith's performance on an Edgbaston deathtrap. 44th over: Bangladesh 193-4 (Mahmudullah 39, Shakib Al Hasan 12) "Your lunch email from Edward Genochio had my head in a spin," says Dominic Dirupo. It's okay: they didn't really keel over and die. "Edward = Dicky. Genocchio is Knee in Italian. Dicky Knee! Isn't that what Shane Warne called Makhaya Ntini and got in trouble as it was considered a racial slur as Dicky Knee was a character played by John Blackman? It's a complete Keyser Soze moment. I feel like asking Carol Vorderman for a big one and four small ones please." It's Rachel someone now. And isn't it six numbers? God I miss the days of sponging off the taxpayer, when the hardest thing I had to do was the Countdown conundrum. 45th over: Bangladesh 193-4 (Mahmudullah 39, Shakib Al Hasan 12) I'm struggling to keep up with the overs, with these two spinners rattling through them. That's a maiden from Tredwell from Mahmudullah. "At least your Test is more interesting than our Test. Getting pummelled by Australia is very dull," says Kathy Stodart. "The Merv Hughes interview in the tea-break was very funny though." Good comeback from Vettori, mind. His improvement as a batsman over the next 13 years has been extraordinary. 46th over: Bangladesh 193-4 (Mahmudullah 39, Shakib Al Hasan 12) A-hem. Thanks to those who pointed out that I inadvertently typed the bad word in the 43rd-over entry, and apologies to those who read it. Worryingly, that is the second time I've made that mistake this week. I'm unravelling! I don't want to know what Freud would make of it, no. Swann bowls the third consecutive maiden. "Tredwell is less a spin bowler and more a slow bowler - flight is his weapon of choice rather than turn," says Gary Naylor. "In these days of ultra-attacking batsmen, flight is under-rated, as Monty has found out." 47th over: Bangladesh 194-4 (Mahmudullah 40, Shakib Al Hasan 12) There's something peculiarly fascinating about watching two English spinners bowl in tandem, such is the infrequency with which it happens. England appeal for LBW against Mahmudullah even though he was hit approximately five miles outside off stump while playing a shot. Shakib then pushes Tredwell between the legs of Cook, who couldn't his hands down quickly enough. "During the slow overs we guys sitting vodka-soaked and watching the match have bets going who in the England team is the probable MI5 recruiting agent - Tredwell we have decided," says Khademul Islam. "When he takes off his cap and bowls he looks like an Oxford don tapping Kim Philby on the shoulder: come come boy..." 48th over: Bangladesh 195-4 (Mahmudullah 41, Shakib Al Hasan 12) Just two runs from the last five overs. In other news, the gospel is spreading. "Apologies if this has been sent before," says Jeremy Stevens, "but this might help get you through those lonely hours .." 49th over: Bangladesh 201-4 (Mahmudullah 44, Shakib Al Hasan 15) Shakib top-edges a sweep but it drops well short of deep backward square. Six singles from the over, and it's time for some drinks. Coffee, pint thereof. "Apparently in some parts of the Balkans being bald is considered sexy," says Peter Norton, shattering the illusion that it's considered sexy by everyone, everywhere, ever. "They refer to it as the third buttock. On the question of cricket, I am beginning to think that BD may post 400 runs on the first day. I spent two years in BD when I was young. Lovely place, even if it does not have the facilities than young English cricketers pine for." The third buttock. That's wonderful. 50th over: Bangladesh 205-4 (Mahmudullah 44, Shakib Al Hasan 19) Shakib premeditates a lap at Swann and ends him lifting it into his neck. He tries it later in the over, prompting an LBW appeal from England. It actually went flush off the bat and fine for four. Is there anything England won't appeal for? It's pretty undignified and, yes, that kettle is black. Shakib looks very jittery against Swann, who cleaned him up at Chittagong. 51st over: Bangladesh 207-4 (Mahmudullah 46, Shakib Al Hasan 19) Tredwell (17-3-54-1) is replaced by Bresnan (3-0-23-0), who bowled beautifully with the old ball in Chittagong. Mahmudullah pushes a couple into the covers, aided by Pietersen misfield. There was a hint of reverse in that over. No hint of emails, mind. Not that I'm bored, lonely, tired and whiney or owt. 52nd over: Bangladesh 212-4 (Mahmudullah 50, Shakib Al Hasan 20) Shakib sets off for a dodgy single on a Pietersen misfield only to be sent back; he was home by the time Pietersen's errant throw whistled high over Matt Prior's head. Then Mahmudullah plays an exquisite cover-drive for four to reach a high-quality half-century. He does look an extremely good player. That was such a beautiful stroke. 53rd over: Bangladesh 212-4 (Mahmudullah 50, Shakib Al Hasan 20) Bresnan and England go up for a big LBW shout against Shakib. I can see only two very, very, very, very minor problems: it definitely him outside the line, and there might have been an inside-edge. Still, this is good stuff from Bresnan, who seems to relish bowling with the old ball. A maiden. 54th over: Bangladesh 214-4 (Mahmudullah 52, Shakib Al Hasan 20) "Seven and eight boys" says Collingwood, who seems to have contracted Prioritis. Swann goes around the wicket to Mahmudullah, who crunches him to short midwicket, where Trott fields well. In praising Trott, Prior calls him "Sloth" three times in quick succession. He did the same a few overs ago. A clear wind-up. I bet Trott really loves that nickname. 55th over: Bangladesh 215-4 (Mahmudullah 52, Shakib Al Hasan 21) Bresnan is desperately trying to make something happen here, but he can't in that over. So there. "Am getting the Sky commentary out here in Bahrain," says John Leavey. "They keep referring to Finn as being 6' 7". I thought that in some Big Paper article recently he fessed up to being 6' 8". Don't the Murdochites read the Guardian? Oh." 56th over: Bangladesh 219-4 (Mahmudullah 52, Shakib Al Hasan 25) "Come on Sloth, half an hour Sloth!" says Prior. Swann drops short and Shakib cuts him for four to bring up a good fifty partnership. The two spinners have dropped short just a touch too often today. "I am currently following OBO while my young daughter watches 'the wheels on the bus' , a DVD of quite terrifying tedium," says Alex Jarman. "Watching cricket from distant parts of the world is THE ONLY THING small children are good for. I've been here since 5.45 by the way." 57th over: Bangladesh 226-4 (Mahmudullah 59, Shakib Al Hasan 25) England pay the price for having only one slip when Mahmudullah, dangling his bat like a femme fatale dangling one of her getaway sticks to lure some patsy into trouble, edges Bresnan through second slip at shin-height and away for four. He's beaten next up by a fine delivery that swung away just a fraction, and beaten again when he chases a wide one. Finally he pulls over midwicket for three. Bresnan is bowling very well here. I've had a £10 bet with Sam Collins, the editor of the Wisden Cricketer site, that Bresnan won't take 100 Test wickets. I still think I'll win, but Bresnan has bowled extremely well with the old ball in this series. WICKET! Bangladesh 226-5 (Mahmudullah c Collingwood b Finn 59) The new bowler Steven Finn strikes with his first ball. Mahmudullah went for a leaden-footed drive outside off and edged it straight to backward point. Simples. 58th over: Bangladesh 226-5 (Shakib Al Hasan 25, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) The new batsman is little Mushfiqur Rahim, one of the stars of the first Test. Finn gets one to pop just enough so that Mushfiqur has to drag his bottom hand off the bat at the point of contact. A wicket maiden. 59th over: Bangladesh 227-5 (Shakib Al Hasan 26, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) Shakib pushes Bresnan for a tight single to mid-off. There are just over 10 minutes to tea. 60th over: Bangladesh 235-5 (Shakib Al Hasan 34, Mushfiqur Rahim 0) Shakib edges Finn low through backward point for four and then times a nice boundary through square-leg. 61at over: Bangladesh 237-5 (Shakib Al Hasan 34, Mushfiqur Rahim 2) Tredwell replaces Bresnan, who bowled a good four-over spell. Mushfiqur, light on his feet, makes room to cut Tredwell for two to get off the mark. Anyone got any tips on how to stop yourself falling sleep when your eyelids get really heavy? It's for an, a-hem, friend. 62nd over: Bangladesh 250-5 (Shakib Al Hasan 45, Mushfiqur Rahim 2) Shakib drives consecutive Finn deliveries expansively through extra-cover for four. Lovely batting. Meanwhile, David Lloyd is still absent for the commmentary box with Dengue fever. "What was the Coen Brothers film?" says Bob Willis. "No country for old men?" Anyway, that's tea. See you in 15 minutes. TEA WICKET! Bangladesh 254-6 (Shakib LBW b Tredwell 49) Woeful cricket from Shakib Al Hasan in the first over after tea. He survived a massive shout for LBW (inside-edge), struck an unconvincing boundary over mid-off, and then completely missed a sweep at a straight one. He wasn't plumb, but he was definitely out. 63rd over: Bangladesh 254-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 2, Naeem Islam 0) At the start of that over, with Tredwell preparing to bowl, Prior screamed "C'mon Sloth!" I'm starting to hope worry that this is going to end in fisticuffs. "I've had a zesty three hours of sleep and I'm plotting pointless Corrigan-style revenge on the neighbours for their witty impressions of English People In London Who Are Fascinated With Their Own Overestimated Importance," says Alex Netherton. "Best I've come up with is sellotaping their doorbell down. A petty triumph. Suggestions please." What would de Botton do? An evil Alain de Botton? 64th over: Bangladesh 254-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 4, Naeem Islam 0) It's spin at both ends, with Swann resuming. England just needed one more to get in amongst the tail, although Razzak at No9 isn't a complete joke. Mushfiqur survives a gentle shout for LBW; he was outside the line. "Wake up!" says Ian Moore. "Hugh Morris on TMS just said that as regards the position of bowling coach candidates have been asked throw their hat into the ring. Seems as good a test as any." 65th over: Bangladesh 256-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 4, Naeem Islam 2) Naeem pushes Tredwell through the covers to get off the mark. I wonder when England last bowled more than 90 overs in a six-hour day. Barring the apocalypse, it is going to happen here. 66th over: Bangladesh 258-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 5, Naeem Islam 3) "Just wondered if you could be kind enough to follow the lead of the Barmy Army in promoting a Sport Relief tie in, for those who are looking to inspire their kids into sporting activity," says David Cotton. "Each donation of £12+ via www.justgiving.com/Elite4sportrelief receives a personally signed 'thank you' from an Olympic athlete and regular updates on their progress up until 2012." Which isn't quite matched by the offer of a poem from Poppy McNee, but you do get one of those if you sponsor her here . And, while we're here, this is another very worthy cause . I don't know if you get a poem with this one. 67th over: Bangladesh 259-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 5, Naeem Islam 4) Naeem played a shot a ball in the second innings at Chittagong, but he's back to the strokeless Naeem we saw in the first innings of the first Test and takes just a single to deep mid-on. "Problem with Bangladesh is that they are unable to keep focus in Test cricket," says Anupam Srivastava. "They have played superb cricket so far today but we are sure to see another collapse very soon and they will squander another good opportunity!" Siddique and Mushfiqur seem to have really good focus, but it's definitely a problem for some of the other batsmen. 68th over: Bangladesh 263-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 6, Naeem Islam 6) "Perhaps Bob Willis meant the Coen brothers film the Lloydykillers," LOLs Chris Purcell, "or maybe The Man Who Wasn't There, even O Brother Where Art Thou, but probably not A Serious Man." Barfin Sink? Sorry. That's pitiful. 69th over: Bangladesh 274-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 17, Naeem Islam 7) Having been very watchful so far, Mushfiqur takes a few steps down the track and drives Tredwell over long-off for six. What a delightful stroke, and what a charming little talent he is. He shows that again later in the over by making room and cutting for four. He was so quick on his feet there. "Rob," says Ed Battison. "The hangover's gone from incipient to full-on crashing about and is stopping me sleeping quite effectively, possibly not the right time for you to try and develop one too but you never know..." It's an option, and I'm all about options. 70th over: Bangladesh 278-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 21, Naeem Islam 7) Broad comes on to replace Graeme Swann. There is a hint of reverse into Mushfiqur, who simply waits for the bad ball and cuts it for four. He is playing beautifully. "Rahim is like a 10-year-old standing in a ring against heavyweights, but he is doing well," says Anupam Srivastava. "Good for him and Bangladesh." What he said. On the evidence of this series, Bangladesh have a pretty strong batting line-up: Tamim, Junaid, Mahmudullah, Shakib, Mushfiqur and even Naeem at No8. 71st over: Bangladesh 283-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 25, Naeem Islam 8) Another cracking shot from Mushfiqur, who runs down the track and spanks Tredwell right back over his big bald head for an emphatic two-bounce four. Mushfiqur has his dancing shoes on today; he is bopping all over his crease to the spinners, and it's great to watch. 72nd over: Bangladesh 283-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 25, Naeem Islam 8) Have a look at Naeem Islam's Test career . It's early days, but so far he has had two distinct approaches: block and thwack. Today he is blocking, and he is doing it very well. A maiden from Broad. "Tell your, erm, friend that the very best way to revive those tired optic nerves is to rub the palms of your hands a few times until they are warm, then place for ten seconds over the eyes," says Geoff Roberts. "Repeat, repeat. This is recommended by Master Wang, a well-known Chinese Chi-Gong expert, so it must work for you. It's going England's way, so you can afford to close the eyes for a few minutes can't you? I expect a brief report in ten minutes." I'm he's not too bad now. He managed to lose his face in a sinkful of cold water during the tea interval, apparently. 73rd over: Bangladesh 284-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 26, Naeem Islam 8) Mushfiqur drives Tredwell to deep mid-on for a single. I still don't think he needs to have mid-on deep just yet, but I'm not the England captain, am I. Naeem blocks the rest of the over. He looks an accomplished No8. "So David Lloyd has gone dowm with Dengue fever or 'breakbone fever' as it is known colloquially," says Peter Norton. "Poor bugger if he has. One of my friends had it. It took him ages to recover and he really suffered." 74th over: Bangladesh 289-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 27, Naeem Islam 8) An errant delivery from Broad goes for four leg-byes via the pad of Mushfiqur. Broad is trying all the variations he used so successfully in the Caribbean last year – pace, line, length – but to little avail at the moment. "Was up at 4am, unable to go back to sleep having been traumatised by reading this article about always-injured NBA player Greg Oden's enormous man item," says Mac Millings. "Because I don't have enough reasons for insecurity as it is. Mind you, makes a change from not being able to get back to sleep at 4am because I can't stop reliving the humiliation of every single thing I've ever done ." Millings is married with at least one kid. Maybe two, I forget. He's a fake loser. 75th over: Bangladesh 292-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 8) Mushfiqur is put down by Prior. He went to glide a quicker ball from Tredwell to third man and got a thick edge, but Prior couldn't hold on. Those are hard chances, but Prior is livid: after the next ball he kicks the turf in frustration and shouts "Fuck off!". Think of the children, Matty! "It's worrying to see the Aussie second-string bowling line up dismissing New Zealand with the ease that England's second string should be doing with Bangladesh, but then again scrolling down the current Kiwi team sheet there isn't much quality in the ranks likely to inspire fear or even slight hesitation," says Tom van der Gucht. "At least Bangladesh have some young spunk are are willing to give it a go, New Zealand look like the team cropped together in the episode of Dad's Army with Fred Trueman." England will lose the Ashes 5-0 – nowt surer – but I wouldn't be too harsh on their efforts with the ball in this series. In fact I wouldn't be harsh at all. I think they've generallly bowled well on a couple of soul-crushing surfaces. 76th over: Bangladesh 292-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 8) Broad is replaced by Finn, who bowls an accurate maiden to Mushfiqur. Prior is stomping round emitting all sorts of heat. He's signalling to the dressing-room to ask how big an edge it was. It was a significant deviation, so I don't think he should be too hard on himself. "Why has Broad decided to become a medium pacer today?" says Gary Naylor. "After 28 Tests, he should be offering a lot more. If he's not fit, he shouldn't be playing." Has he not just gone into Caribbean mode? I think he's perfectly fit. (Insert your own joke here.) I just don't think he thinks hitting the pitch is the way to go in these conditions. 77th over: Bangladesh 292-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 8) Naeem Islam is defending against Tredwell with almost contemptuous ease. He seems happy to let Mushfiqur take care of scoreboard duties, and it's another maiden. "I know I'm a JCL today, turning up only at tea-time, but I'd like to wish everyone a Happy Equinox nevertheless," says John Starbuck. "Let's hope it's a good one." 78th over: Bangladesh 293-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 8) Another good over from Finn to Mushfiqur, with just a single off the penultimate ball. "Fake loser?" sniffs Mac Millings. "Couldn't relay your libel to my wife and (I have done it twice) two kids, because, as well adjusted humans, they are still sleeping soundly. But I know their response, as I've heard it before: 'No one's that good an actor.' Little known true story - when the Marylebone Town Hall official asked my wife if she took me to be her husband, she started laughing, and took about a minute to stop. Fortunately, the booze kicked in. PS That's right, I'm a romantic. We eloped. To Marylebone Town Hall." Welcome to the Winners' Enclosure, Millings. Come sit at the top table. 79th over: Bangladesh 293-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 8) A maiden from Tredwell, and it's nearly time for the new ball. "Just playing OBO catch-up, and I checked out the link to the fastest Test centuries (over 15)," says Ed Wilson. "At the bottom of the Cricinfo page is the astonishing information that 'NJ Astle's second hundred in his 222 v England at Christchurch in 2001/02 took 39 balls'. Tell me more! Is that quicker than Afridi's ODI tonk-fest?" That's definitely the barmiest passage of play I've ever seen in a Test (well, read about, having gone to bed in the early hours of Saturday morning presuming an England victory by around 200 runs). Booth was there, the lucky bugger. You can read all about it here and see it here . 80th over: Bangladesh 301-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 16) Paul Collingwood is going to bowl the last over before the second new ball, his first of the series. Naeem, pushing forward, snicks to the left of the only slip (Swann, who is at around third slip) and away for four. Then he drives pleasantly for four more to take us up to the drinks break. "I think it's unfair to call Millings a fake loser," says Alex Netherton. "He's a real loser. He's upped the stakes to a point where he's got something to lose. He's upped his potential (inevitable) fall from grace, what have you done?" 81st over: Bangladesh 301-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 16) England take the new ball at the first opportunity and, for the sixth time in the series, give it to the wrong man: Bresnan rather than Finn. Mushfiqur thinks about chasing a wide one but then withdraws. That aside he defends carefully. It's a maiden. "A little known fact about Mr Millings is that he recently gave up his British citizenship to become an American," says Richard O'Hagan. "I'm not having turncoats in the Winners' Enclosure." 82nd over: Bangladesh 301-6 (Mushfiqur Rahim 30, Naeem Islam 16) Bob Willis is showing the old ball to the camera; it's a rare old piece of filth, seriously tattered. "A shocking mess" says Bob. Naeem Islam goes chasing the new ball when Broad slips one wide, but his bat meets only the still Dhaka air. Later in the over, Naeem tries to leave but, in doing so, gets a slight deflection off the face of the bat and just wide of off stump. A very good maiden from Broad. This is a vital little spell. If these two get through to the close, Bangladesh could easily reach 400 tomorrow. Collingwood, meanwhile, is limping. "Thank you Alex Netherton," says Tom van der Gucht, using a phrase never previously heard on this earth. "Up until this moment in my life I was happy drifting under the delusion that I was an amiable loser; now I realise that to be a loser you have to achieve something that you then lose, I have subsequently had to reclassify myself as a failure, and an unhappy one at that." WICKET! Bangladesh 301-7 (Mushfiqur Rahim c Prior b Bresnan 30) I take it all back. Bresnan has just produced a real snorter to get rid of the dangerous Mushfiqur Rahim, a sharp lifter on off stump that took the edge on its way through to Prior. Not bad for a stout lad. He bowls some jaffas, does Bresnan. 83rd over: Bangladesh 301-7 (Naeem Islam 16, Abdur Razzak 0) "Actually, O'Hagan, I'm a dual citizen," says Millings, "and, therefore, as both a Limey and a Yank, a dual loser." The best thing is that he sent the email and then updated it, with the subject line Turncoat 2.0. Yes, I think we've found one here. 84th over: Bangladesh 309-7 (Naeem Islam 24, Abdur Razzak 0) Naeem, walking into a full, straight delivery from Broad, is lucky to inside-edge it to fine leg for four. He gets four in more authentic fashion two balls later by virtue of a withering cover-drive. "Happy equinox day!" says Miriam Kimber. "Apart from the equinox, can you think of any other things where the entire world is sharing the same experience?" 85th over: Bangladesh 309-7 (Naeem Islam 24, Abdur Razzak 0) Bresnan slips a good one across the left-handed Razzak, the highlight of his third consecutive maiden with the new ball. GIVE IT TO FINN. "Mr Millings obviously forgot the bit in the American oath (that's 'American oath', rather than 'American oaf', which would be an oxymoron) where you renounce all other citizenships," says Richard O'Hagan. "Sorry, Mac, but you now have to stop spelling properly and grow a backside the size of Connecticut." That or being English? I think I know who's winning. 86th over: Bangladesh 311-7 (Naeem Islam 26, Abdur Razzak 0) Naeem has an endearingly simple approach to batting. When he is playing with any of the top seven, he blocks; when he isn't, he looks to attack. He would have got four for a square-drive in that Broad over but for a fine stop from Collingwood. Meanwhile, they are testing the fire alarm in Guardian Towers. Thanks for that! "I'm watching via a dodgy Indian stream, which cuts to an advert for Vodafone about six times an over," says James Walsh. "It features a ghost magician putting a man in a box, which is then carried off by a cheery orchestra of other ghosts. This takes place in a big top populated by big headed aliens." Spike Jonze gets everywhere. 87th over: Bangladesh 314-7 (Naeem Islam 26, Abdur Razzak 3) "There's a competition at the end of this year," says Steve Churnin. "How would we feel about England going in looking like this: Strauss, Kieswetter, Cook, KP, Colly, Bell, Bresnan, Swann, Broad, Anderson, Finn . I realise that involves Bresnan (a) being in the team and (b) batting at No7, but with Swann/Broad at 8 and 9 I reckon the tail should be long enough. And Bresnan doesn´t seem to get really smashed about. Could do the job as fourth seamer. Could he?" Yes, but four seamers won't be an option because four bowlers is the lesser of two evils. There is more chance of Mac Millings making eye contact with a stranger than there is of England going into the Ashes with five frontline bowlers. Plus there's no reason to even consider dropping Prior, who averages nearly 40. I'd like to try Cook at No3 with a right-handed dasher but it won't happen. I would say Strauss, Cook, KP, Collingwood, Bell, Prior, Swann, Anderson and Broad are as certain to play as certain can be eight months before the actual event. The only two positions that are open are those of No3 and third seamer. WICKET! Bangladesh 314-8 (Razzak LBW b Swann 3) Graeme Swann strikes with the first ball of a new spell. It was a hopeless mow across the line from Razzak, who missed a ball that would have hit the outside half of leg stump. Diabolical batting. Swann could sneak another five-for here. 88th over: Bangladesh 318-8 (Naeem Islam 27, Shafiul Islam 2) Shafiul, missing a big drive, survives a referral for a stumping. His back foot did slip out of the crease but he dragged it back just in time. It was desperately tight, but could not have been given with a clear conscience. "Does Richard O'Hagan (85th over) mean a 'tautology' rather than an 'oxymoron'?" says Sam Collier. "Shall I shut up?" 89th over: Bangladesh 321-8 (Naeem Islam 28, Shafiul Islam 4) A quiet over from Bresnan. We will get more than 90 overs today, as there are still 13 minutes to go. What time do public houses open on a Saturday? As a member of the public, one might choose to house oneself. "My my, Nathan Astle could swing a bat," says Ed Wilson. "Andy Caddick must have aged ten years in that clip. Innings like that make me question the logic of Twenty20 cricket. Test cricket can still throw up astonishing bouts of slogging, but doesn't demand them. And when they do come along, it makes the enjoyment more intense. A bit like the difference between watching avant-garde french cinema and actual porn. I might go and catch the last few overs at the gym. Which means I'll arrive there just as the last wicket falls..." Amen to that. The Test cricket/Twenty20 bit, not the gym filth. 90th over: Bangladesh 322-8 (Naeem Islam 29, Shafiul Islam 4) England offer Naeem Islam an easy single so that they can get Shafiul on strike. Naeem declines until the penultimate delivery of Swann's over, which he pushes to long-on. "A sunny springtime day in Salzburg, and my son's 11th birthday," says Tim Hughes. "But my wife has a stinking hangover and is back in bed, leaving me to make the boy's birthday cake...chiz. My son is called Stanley (the only Stanley in Austria) and it would really make his day if you could say happy birthday to him on OBO. And can you sing 'Nellie the Elephant' for him?" Let's know our (well, my) limits, eh? Happy birthday Stanley! 91st over: Bangladesh 324-8 (Naeem Islam 31, Shafiul Islam 4) Tredwell replaces Bresnan. He should have time for a couple of overs before the close. Nothing happens in that one, save a decent cut for two by the impressive Naeem Islam. But he keeps Naeem on strike, so Swann will have a go at Shafiul. "Phil Brown's Ashes XI," says Alex Netherton. "Phil Brown (c), Maxi Jazz, Mandela, Geovanni, Daley Thompson, Geovanni (wk), Geovanni, Botham, Garth Crooks, Geovanni, Geovanni ." No Iain Dowie, Phil? "Iain Dowie's medium-pace legcutters are little slugs ." 92nd over: Bangladesh 328-8 (Naeem Islam 31, Shafiul Islam 8) That's an interesting stroke from the No10 Shafiul Islam, who slaps Swann through the covers for four with a nice easy swing of the bat. "Yes, I realise the dropping Prior idea seems a little strange," says Steve Churnin. "But - good as his wicketkeeping is now, and good as his average is - I like the look of Kieswetter, and if he's in the team for batting, it could open up another spot for a batsman or fifth bowler (esp important since there are presumably a couple of back-to-back Tests). Plus Prior is getting swearier by the minute, so dropping him might save Athers´ blushes. Plus he´s really, really unfunny behind the stumps." I like the idea of five bowlers, and you might just be able to get away with it if your lower order includes Broad, Swann and Bresnan, but in practice it just won't happen. 93rd over: Bangladesh 329-8 (Naeem Islam 32, Shafiul Islam 8) The penultimate over of the day, from Tredwell, brings just a single to Naeem Islam. 94th over: Bangladesh 330-8 (Naeem Islam 33, Shafiul Islam 8) That's stumps . IPL? Not today thanks! That was a fabulous day's play, full of the ebb and flow and subtlety that only Test cricket provides. Tamim Iqbal, on his 21st birthday, smashed a stunning 71-ball 85 before copping a bad decision, while England's five-man attack all chipped in on another desperately flat track. England are on top, but not by that much. Thanks for your emails; I'll be back at 3am tomorrow morning. Be there or be blessed with something resembling a life.