Sacha Baron Cohen, the almost Oscars host

As someone who's seen It's Complicated , I know how long two hours in the company of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin can seem. So I'm not chomping at the bit to double it in a week and a half, when the duo co-host the Oscars . But it's only dignified to criticise if you can follow through with some decent suggestions of your own. And I can't. Ricky Gervais – no . Jonathan Ross – hmm . Larry David – maybe. Steve Coogan – anyone? What got me wondering was the news that my own hazily-thought-through Oscars host ideal, Sacha Baron Cohen, was also the favoured choice of the show's producers, until he was blackballed by the Academy, who felt him "too much of a wild card" . On reflection, I can't say I blame them. The other day, I was at an awards do where Baron Cohen picked up an award in person – not as Brüno , not as Borat , not even as Ali G. It was a truly thrilling sight. For a little while. And then it was just disconcerting, even – whisper it – disappointing. Who knows how Baron Cohen would be sans mankini, or out of his Velcro suit. Who wants to know? This is a man who's not just a brilliant chameleon; he's brilliant at privacy, too – at keeping his personality and his opinions an enigma. Neither Martin nor Baldwin have the least bit of mystique any more: you know exactly what you'll get Sunday week, and that's part of the point. Mystery is a rare thing today. Thank goodness the Oscars producers' cowardice has preserved Baron Cohen's a little longer.