Michael Holden's All ears

Despite subconscious attempts to repel them, two men, both talking on telephones, sat across from me on the train. When they had hung up, one of them said he had to go to the toilet, as though the excitement of telling people over the phone that he was on a train was more than he could bear. When he came back though, his face was ashen. Man 1 "Alright?" Man 2 "It's dreadful in there." Man 1 "They're never as bad as they used to be." Man 2 "They are. The only difference is that these days, disabled people get to see how bad they are as well." Man 1 "Maybe it was disabled people who messed it up?" Man 2 "Either way …" Man 1 "I best not go then. I'm getting really uptight about hygiene these days. If it's that bad, it could push me over the edge." Man 2 "The edge of what?" Man 1 "Reason. The other day I took extra paper towels from a dispenser, and wrapped them around my hand before I opened the door." Man 2 "It's all this MRSA gel, it makes you paranoid." Man 1 "I'm more worried about becoming obsessively hygienic than I am about getting sick. I did that paper towel without knowing I'd done it. It was only after I'd come out of the bathroom that I realised what I'd done. I thought, 'This is how it starts, you're becoming like Howard Hughes.'" Man 2 "Without the money." Man 1 " He used to horde his piss in jars." Man 2 (after some consideration) "What did his wife say." Man 1 "I don't think he had one."