England v Ireland - as it happened

Preamble: Evening all. First things first. The weather means that New Zealand and Zimbabwe have been delayed. They're not out on the field at Providence at the minute, but it shouldn't take long for them to finish things off: the Kiwis need just four more runs from 11 balls having bowled Zimbabwe for 84. The weather forecast is not good for the evening game, either - scattered thunderstorms with a 60% chance of rain. Not really what these sides need for a must-win fixture The good news for England is that Ireland did not look too hot in collapsing against West Indies over the weekend (in the same way that a colander does not look to hot when attempting to hold water). A bit of Cricinfo research reveals Ireland have a 100% Twenty20 record against Bangladesh, Bermuda, Kenya, the Netherlands and Scotland, and a 0% record against anyone who's any good. And Canada. New Zealand and Zimbabwe are shaking hands , it's all over. So we should see England and Ireland take to the field on time. Ominous signs dept. England fans really don't need any help in seeking portents for ignominious defeat, but here's another log to add to the fire: my last Twenty20 OBO coverage was this debacle . Angry email dept. "You can't steal our potatoes anymore, so you go after our cricketers, huh?" fumes Declan Johnston. "First Ed Joyce and now Eoin Morgan! When we're suddenly pretentious enough to win at your own imperialist game, you go ahead and deviously pinch all our talent! Typical! Surely though, there should be some sort of rule against this? Yeah, it might help individual Irish players develop, but if we can't keep our own, we ultimately won't win matches. Winning high profile games will do much more for the game in Ireland than the occasional Irish who turns out for England. In short, we have a tasty little pretext here to win this game, we do like an underdog tag!" Ireland have won the toss and stuck England in, with William Porterfield basically saying he hopes the rain will do his side a favour. Collingwood would also have put Ireland in "for obvious reasons". The Duckworth-Lewis method isn't coming out of this tournament at all well, is it? Surely both captains shouldn't be basing their toss-decisions on whether the weather will help them out? Today's teams: England: Michael Lumb, Craig Kieswetter, Kevin Pietersen, Paul Collingwood (capt), Eoin Morgan, Luke Wright, Michael Yardy, Tim Bresnan, Graeme Swann, Stuart Broad, Ryan Sidebottom. Ireland: William Porterfield (capt), Paul Stirling, Niall O'Brien (wk), Alex Cusack, Kevin O'Brien, Gary Wilson, John Mooney, Trent Johnston, Andre Botha, Boyd Rankin, George Dockrell. So both sides are unchanged. Something that just occurred (to me): What's a decent Twenty20 average? With Tests and ODIs we know where we stand. Anything close to 50 is just dandy in the longest form of the game, 40-odd with a strike rate of 70-ish fine for ODIs. But with Twenty20 what's the benchmark? And is strike rate actually now the stat that we judge batsmen by? For reference: Morgan averages 23.5 in Twenty20 with a strike rate of 126, Collingwood 22.14 and 130, Wright 21.3 and 145, Lumb 25.4 and 148, Kieswetter an impressive 30.7 and 131. Angry email response dept. "Declan Johnson might be right that it is a bit cheeky to keep stealing Irish players who aren't very English," writes Robin Hazlehurst, "but can't we call it revenge for Jackie Charlton's 1988 team of Irishmen with dodgy qualifications?" 1st over: England 6-0 (Lumb 5, Kieswetter 1) This England line-up scored the joint-highest total of the tournament so far against West Indies and it wasn't enough. Safe to say a similar effort today will be sufficient to secure a place in the Super Eights. But this pitch is going to turn, according to the experts. Boyd Rankin opens for Ireland, and he strays to leg first up, Lumb clipping away for four to fine leg. A comfortable single brings Kieswetter on strike, who takes a good look at Rankin for a few balls before grabbing a single of his own. "Re: Twenty20 average. That's a good question!" writes Suresh Nair, who clearly knows how to get an email published (I also accept sweets and any comment with a pro-Yorkshire slant). "Batting average is clearly useless by itself both in ODIs and 20-20s. An opener or one-down bat in both formats who averages in the 20s is probably replaceable, but someone who comes in with five overs left and smacks a quickfire 20 or 30 is worth his weight in gold and may be a matchwinner. So - average, strike rate, batting position, and score and number of deliveries left when coming in to bat should all be weighted appropriately and be factored in. Did someone say Duckworth and Lewis?" 2nd over: England 12-0 (Lumb 9, Kieswetter 2) "I've never a problem with England picking 'foreign players' if they qualify for England – we're a pretty cosmopolitan place after all," writes Gary Naylor. "I do object to players having a go for one country, then playing for another. Eoin Morgan, once he opted for Ireland, should have been obliged to stay with them." Wollongong-born Trent Johnson (who isn't likely to have any difficult decisions to make with regards to Australia) trundles in, more dobble than dibble, drifts wide (unforgiveably so at his pace) and Lumb chops away for four. The last is an Ashdownesque off-cutter that raps Kieswetter high on the pad as the batsman props forward. 3rd over: England 21-0 (Lumb 13, Kieswetter 6) Rankin offers up a short, slow, leg-side bouncer that Lumb pulls away for four easy runs, but then surprises Kieswetter with a bit of bounce. The batsman top-edges a pull and O'Brien and Dockrell fly after it. Neither can quite get there. Plenty of atmosphere over in Georgetown. Well, I say atmosphere. It sounds like there's a swarm of angry, impatient wasps stuck in a traffic jam somewhere nearby. 4th over: England 24-0 (Lumb 14, Kieswetter 8) Big LBW appeal against Lumb as Johnson comes in again (it pitched a foot or so outside leg), then he beats his outside edge. A low full toss allows the batsman a single, but then he has Kieswetter swiping and missing. Another dot ball - ooh, and then Kiestwetter is dropped. Johnson finds the edge this time, Botha, deep at slip, dives to his left and though he gets his fingertips to it, the ball slips through for a couple. Johnson is puce with rage. WICKET! Lumb 14 c Rankin b K O'Brien 14 A change in the bowling produces the goods for Ireland, Lumb clipping the ball straight to the big bowler at square leg. 5th over: England 29-1 (Kieswetter 11, Pietersen 2) O'Brien, having done for Lumb with his first ball, straightens Pietersen up with his second and finds his leading edge with the third. A couple of pushes add to the total - with a verbal (and I'm pretty sure expletive-laden) tirade from keeper to Paul Stirling as the teenager fails to prevent a couple. "Not to be an apple polisher or a suck-up or anything, but I went camping in the Yorkshire dales a few years ago - its beautiful country!" writes the on-form Suresh Nair. "Fantastic to walk around all day - climbed Pen-y-Gent, was an amazing experience - then dine on pub food - Yorkshire pies, sausages, yummy! with a pint or two of delicious John Smith's bitter. Was a fantastic week, great memories." I'm actually quizmastering at a pub quiz in a few weeks and determined to throw in a 'Yorkshire' round, with questions about whippets and the Chuckle Brothers and such like. Any suggestions? 6th over: England 32-3 (Pietersen 3, Morgan 0) Johnson again keeps things tight, the pressure building and there's no surprise as we head to the third umpire for a run out appeal, Kieswetter struggling to get back after an abortive single. Looks to me that he has the bat on the line ... WICKET! Kieswetter run out 13 Ah. That legendary Ashdown acumen. Well, it didn't look conclusive to me, the crucial frame of the footage wasn't there so it was impossible to tell exactly when the stumps were broken. Collingwood comes out with the pressure growing on England ... WICKET! Collingwood c Botha b Johnson 0 Three balls later he's gone. That was an absolute peach from Johnson, tempting the drive and finding the edge. This time Botha snaffles it at slip. Yipes. 7th over: England 35-3 (Pietersen 5, Morgan 1) Well, well, well. England are seriously under the cosh here. 17-year-old George Dockrell (three for 16 against the Windies) comes into the attack and Pietersen immediately looks about as comfortable as a ... mental block. He just looks uncomfortable, OK? Three from a very decent over from the youngster. 8th over: England 38-3 (Pietersen 5, Morgan 1) Johnston comes in for the final over of an excellent spell. England are desperately trying to stabilise here, they'll be glad to see the back of Trent and no mistake. No fireworks, a couple of singles, and probably a few deep breaths. "One thing I don't get in Twenty20 is why they present results in the traditional way," writes Robin Hazlehurst. "Winning by five wickets doesn't tell anyone much in this format, surely if the team batting second wins it should be by five balls or five overs. The same for ODIs, it would say so much more about the game." Correct. "PS Yorkshire is lovely apart from being on the wrong side of the Pennines. It's almost as nice as the Lake District. Except it isn't." Incorrect. 9th over: England 45-3 (Pietersen 7, Morgan 6) Sky Sports have had to apologize for Niall O'Brien's potty mouth "in case anyone has been offended". I have to say it's all been fairly agricultural and straight up-and-down eff-and-blind stuff from the keeper, though if there's anything more creative I'll be sure to let you know. Morgan reverse sweeps for the first boundary in an age, then flips a dainty shovel-sweep over his shoulder for a single. Pietersen, still looking like fish in a shark tank, horribly mistimes a straight chip, though it lands safe. Seven from the over. 10th over: England 49-4 (Morgan 9, Wright 0) Keith O'Brien returns to the attack, Morgan check-pulls away for three. The contrast between the batsmen is stark at the minute, though: Pietersen sweeps and misses, then ... WICKET! Pietersen 9 c Mooney b K O'Brien That's been coming. KP finally puts willow on leather, but only succeeds in directing said leather into the fleshy palms of John Mooney at deep backward square. A poor shot from a player short of form, a carbon copy of his dismissal against West Indies. England have shambled their way to the halfway point. 11th over: England 52-4 (Morgan 12, Wright 1) "Ha ha ha ha ha. That is all," writes Ireland's Mikey Stafford, formerly of this parish. Morgan brings up the half-century. Three from a tidy over. "If you're later cursing the rain for spoiling your evening, just wanted to warn you that you've been asking for it," writes Nisarg Kamdar. "The guy credited for the picture at the top, indraneil, is the rain god in Hindu mythology." England could do with a downpour of biblical proportions at the moment, or at least a quick shower so they can collect their thoughts. 12th over: England 59-4 (Morgan 18, Wright 2) Cusack into the attack ... and I'm all over the place with my scoring so I missed most of that. Morgan dinked away a boundary, but otherwise it was fairly tidy. Let's move on. 13th over: England 67-4 (Morgan 25, Wright 3) Dockrell now with his left-arm spin. Morgan breaks free with a huge mow to cow corner as the spinner drops short then scampers away for anohther couple. "17-year-old George Dockrell"?" muses Gary Naylor. "That's the kind of name better suited to a bugler awarded a posthumous VC for morale raising bugle-playing under machine-gun fire on the Somme." 14th over: England 75-4 (Morgan 26, Wright 9) In England's defence, it is a stodgy pitch with very little pace in it and the ball is hardly coming on to the bat. Morgan proves the point by pulling early and airily at Botha, the ball just dropping short of the fielder at midwicket. Wright, yet to loosen his arms, pushes through for another couple. Then a wide! Where have they been hiding? That's the first of the innings. A clever little leg-side dab brings Wright three more, but its hard work at the moment. England failed to defend 163 against Holland by the way. Just thought I'd mention it. 15th over: England 76-4 (Morgan 26, Wright 9) Dockrell's final over. Wright takes strike. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, bigslashthatsomehowdropssafeforasingle. Ruddy nora. "Medium paced dibbly dobblers seem to be doing the trick on this pitch," writes Phil Sawyer. "Is there an argument for England opening with Collingwood to take the pace off and frustrate the Irish batsmen during the powerplay overs? Ye gods, I've gone into survival mode thinking already." They're certainly not going to be able to afford the sort of stuff Sidebottom threw up against West Indies, not with the total they look like setting. 16th over: England 89-4 (Morgan 28, Wright 20) O'Brien again, and he's grateful for a superb stop from Mooney as he throws in a full toss. A no ball, a free hit ... a slow bouncer, hooked away by Wright, caught on the boundary, a single. A Morgan moo through midwicket brings up another single, and then Wright finally finds his timing, humping a huge six back over the bowler's head. Thirteen from the over. That's more like it. "Just to clarify," writes Declan Johnston, "no bridges have been burnt, if Morgan feels like switching back at halfway, he'd be more than welcome ..." 17th over: England 94-5 (Morgan 31, Bresnan 0) Rankin back into the attack. WICKET! Wright 20 c Porterfield b Rankin Oh dear. Wright backs away to leg in typical fashion, but can only toe-end the thing straight at the Ireland captain. He never really looked settled. Wright strikes me as one of those players for whom it either happens, or it doesn't. He can look devastating when he gets it right, but on the off-days he's pretty limited. Right, over to you Eoin. A couple of couples keep the scoreboard ticking over (I say ticking, but creaking would be more apt), but from the last a swipe and a miss from Morgan has England hearts in mouths. Three overs to go. Who'd take 120? 18th over: England 104-5 (Morgan 38, Bresnan 5) Morgan crunches a lofted cover drive away for four that has Nasser in the commentary box drawing comparison to Sanath Jayasuriya. He brings the 100 up with a more rustic swat, but Bresnan can't get the ball away at the other end. He grabs four valuable runs by swishing, bottom-edging and watching the ball rattle between the keeper's legs and down to the ropes. 19th over: England 112-6 (Morgan 43, Swann 1) Shot of the day from Morgan! He shuffles almost off the pitch before flicking Rankin over his shoulder for four. At the other end, Bresnan is showing little composure or quality, wafting his bat like a club without making contact. Ah, quelle surprise: WICKET! Bresnan 5 c Mooney b Rankin To no one's great surprise, when Bresnan does at last make contact he holes out to long off. A pretty unedifying effort. Graeme Swann to the crease, Rankin throws in a wide and then England grab a single from the last. 19th over: England 120-8 (Swann 6, Broad 0) If England do beat Ireland today, they'll have an Irishman to thank - Eoin Morgan has held this ragged tatty innings in some sort of shape. Or as Patrick McGovern puts it: "If irony were made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a whole lotta smoothies right now." Swann takes a single from Botha's first, Morgan swats away a couple more ... WICKET! Morgan 45 c Wilson b Botha Well, he's done as much as he can. Botha cleverly takes the pace off the ball and Morgan finds Wilson at long on. WICKET! Yardy 0 run out What a piece of work from Trent Johnson! A direct hit from fairly deep mid on to run out Yardy, who hasn't faced a ball. Broad skies the last but scampers through for two. END OF INNINGS: England 120-8 Right, I'm off to microwave some purple sprouting brocolli pasta. Back in a jiffy. In good news extras was the highest scorer for Ireland against the West Indies, and only Gary Wilson made double figures. And it is a bugger of a pitch to score runs on if the batsmen are denied pace. With that in mind, I'd be surprised if Ryan Sidebottom or Stuart Broad bowl their full allocation of overs. It's a pitch taylor-made for the Bresnans and Collingwoods of this world, and it's turning a fair bit too. And yes, purple sprouting brocolli. What of it? 1st over: Ireland 3-0 (Porterfield 3, Stirling 0) Ireland lost four wickets in the first two overs against the Windies. Bresnan kicks things off for England. Dot, dot, dot ... good pressure from England, fielders swooping like swallows in an undercroft. Then Bresnan pitches up a yard too far and Porterfield cover-drives for three, but he zips past a nervy outside edge, dangled out by Stirling from the last. "Hussain's just said 'Morgan may have played a match winning innings. You'll never know.'" writes Phil Sawyer. "Are Sky planning to pull the plug on the coverage just before the final ball and leave us in a Schroedinger's cat style paradox that we can't know the outcome unless it is observed?" 2nd over: Ireland 4-0 (Porterfield 4, Stirling 0) "My money is on England going on from the last two days shambles to win the whole tournament," writes Tom V D Gucht, whose clearly been at the Christmas gin. "This is just the sort of sinking as low as you can get underdogs start a team needs in order to be completely written off. From this humble point I bet they'll sneak through today, and reappear as never say die scrappers, brimming with spunk, grit, salt and sheer bloody minded resolve. Attacking their enemies and grinding them into the dust with flinty aggression before holding the trophy aloft to acclaim and fanfare. Richard Curtis might even make a film about them, an English version of Cool Runnings starring Damien Lewis as Collingwood and Colin Farrell as Morgan." Sidebottom now, this could be key. He finds some serious swing ... but my word the heavens have opened. After a pretty slack delay the covers come on. I reckon it might just be a cloudburst. We'll be back on in a minute or two ... possibly . But on the other hand , a no result would see England through to the Super Eights. In which case ... And who (or what) is Phil Collins dressed as there? Jermaine Defoe ? Sky are back in the studio with the chinos/polo shirt brigade holding court. The game gets half an hour before we start to lose overs. Eoin Morgan: the end of the love-in "A friend of mine blames Eoin Morgan for ending his cricket career," writes our very own Evan Fanning. "They played together at under-14 level and went for trials with Leinster. He claims that Morgan shunned him while they were at the trials and he was so demoralised that he could never muster the enthusiasm for cricket again and gave it up. He has an almost identical story about football and Wolves midfielder Andy Keogh so I suspect that it's just him who is lacking the discipline." I have an identical story with every left-winger/batsman/bowler I've ever faced. It's stopped raining and we should have play back on pretty iminently. So we should still have 20 overs a side ... does that psychologically play into England's hands? Ireland might have been expecting a reduced total. Straw-clutching? 2nd over: Ireland 4-1 (Porterfield 4, N O'Brien 0) No overs have been lost, so it's as you were. Sidebottom charges back in to complete his over. Dot, dot (with a liberal sprinking of appeal as Stirling is cut in half), and dot (with an almighty waft to garnish). Then crunch ... WICKET! Stirling c Lumb b Sidebottom 0 The Robert Key-size Ireland opener had been keen to have a go and at last he makes contact, but he's denied what seemed a certain boundary by a quite stunning catch from Lumb, skittering low close to the rope. 3rd over: Ireland 6-1 (Porterfield 4, N O'Brien 1) Bresnan continues while Ireland continue to lack composure. A scampered drop-and-run gets O'Brien off the mark, and then a wide, but nothing more on offer from Bresnan, who's kept it tight thus far. "Left-wingers you've faced have so demoralised you that they made you give up?" queries Robin Hazlehurst. "Give up what? Are you a former Tory who was out-argued by Guardianistas and so became one of them?" Nay, lad. I were a right-back in my youth. A bloody useless one. 4th over: Ireland 14-1 (Porterfield 4, N O'Brien 9) Sidebottom back in and drifting over to leg, allowing O'Brien to clonk it away through midwicket for four. Next up the keeper plants the ball back over the bowler's head for four more! Top hitting, but two poor balls from Sidebottom. Hang on, it's tipping it down again. Off they go! "Drama!" whoops Bumble. So we're still in abandoment territory which would mean England go through ( etc and so forth ). Duckworth-Lewis wise, Ireland need 27 at the five over mark should we get there ( yadda, yadda, yadda ). But it does look very dark, very wet. Still waiting for any Yorkshire-related factoids and/or quiz questions. We might need a bit of entertainment in this break, so get them in. Don't phone, it's just for fun: 1) "Yorkshire people aren't a race ... they a collective of ..." What, according to Noel Gallagher? (c/a Kevin Macken) 2) What is the name of the pub frequented by visitors to Headingley that sits across the road from The Original Oak? (c/o Ian Copestake) 3) What connects the towns of Barton and Hessle? (c/o Alex Sargent) 4) What is/was the main beer brewed at the Strangeways Brewery? (also c/o Alex Sargent) Answers in a mo, but in the meantime why not have some fun with this ? The rain has stopped, but not disappeared so the umpires are in intense discussions as I type. Here are those answers. Remember: it's not the winning, it's the taking part. 1) Idiots (says the man who hasn't written a decent song in 13 years) 2) The Skyrack 3) The Humber Bridge 4) Boddingtons Hope you all spotted the absolutely 100% deliberate mistake there ... the Strangeways brewery is, of course, in Manchester. Ho, ho, ho. Now let's forget about the whole thing and move on. Athers has now been reduced to misty-eyed reminscense of 'the Misteeq girls' from England's World Twenty20 lasty year. No play imminent then ... The covers have been doing the hokey-cokey and at the moment they're off. The teams will be back out in 15 minutes if it doesn't start raining again. Here's another one to keep you going in the meantime: what Keighley-brewed bitter is alledgedly Madonna's favourite tipple? Rain's back. They had apparently reduced it to nine overs for Ireland, but that seems likely to come down further now, if, that is, we get the teams back out there ... Madonna's favourite ale is Timothy Taylor's Landlord, which shows what she knows. Over-rated, that's all I say. Some of these questions and many more will be appearing at the Rose and Crown (fine ales, less fine wines, etc, etc) quiz in Stoke Newington (yes, I know, purple sprouting brocolli, Stoke Newington ... all I need is Andy Bull's sandals and I'm the perfect storm of a Guardianista) in a few weeks time. Here's another: The Yorkshire village of Pocklington claims to be the last place in England to burn what? That's it! What a way for poor Ireland to exit. The rain beat England yesterday but it may have saved them today and they'll head to the Super Eights having bowled just over nine overs. "I've just figured out I should be wishing it would stop raining , not the other way around," writes my potato-gnawing colleague Barry Glendenning. "As if watching us starve during the famine, the 800+ years of oppression and stealing our best players weren't bad enough, now you've knocked us out of this tournament without giving us a fair crack of the whip. As opposed to the countless welts you've left on our great nation down through the years with your more unfair cracks of it. Rest assured, Paddy has a long memory and won't forget about this!" Right, that's me. Thanks muchly for all your emails, Yorkshire-related or otherwise, and apologies to Alex Sargent for making such a pig's ear of his Strangeways brewery question. Mike Selvey's match report will be up on the site imminently. G'night! Oh, and the answer you're looking for is a witch. A witch