Tottenham Hotspur v Aston Villa - as it happened

Preamble Hello. As Bill Shankly didn't quite say , "fourth is fourth and fifth is nowhere". It's hard to get your head round the idea of teams placing quite so much store by finishing one place behind the team who finish behind the team who finish behind the team who win the league, but that's modern football, folks. And with Manchester City sure to start munching at the top table sooner rather than later, this is surely the best chance Spurs and Villa will have of playing in the Champions League for the forseeable future. Both sides have started to wobble ever so slightly, a particular concern for Villa given their penchant for collapsing like a booze fiend at closing time as soon as spring rears its head, and a draw today is no use to anyone really. Because of that, and the nature of both sides – Spurs so carefree at home, Villa the textbook counter-attacking side – it could be a belter. Another reason to look forward to the game is the return to form of the superbly talented David Bentley, who has been doing god knows what for the last 18 months. He might not the best winger in England – Aaron Lennon at his best is unplayable – but he's surely the most watchable: imaginative, mischievous and with the most beautiful ball-striking technique. I heart him. Team news, aka the Battle of 4-4-2 No rotation here: both teams have their strongest available XIs. For Villa, it includes the tightest back four in the league, marshalled by the marvellous Richard Dunne, who surely deserves to be on the shortlist for PFA Player of the Year. For Spurs, it includes Ledley King, who missed the mismatch at Leeds in the week. Their new boys, Younes Kaboul and Eidur Gudjohnsen, are on the bench. Oh, Eidur . Tottenham (4-4-2) Gomes; Corluka, Dawson, King, Bale; Bentley, Huddlestone, Palacios, Modric; Defoe, Crouch. Subs: Alnwick, Kaboul, Jenas, Gudjohnsen, Bassong, Kranjcar, Kyle Walker. Aston Villa (4-4-2) Friedel; Cuellar, Collins, Dunne, Luke Young; Ashley Young, Milner, Petrov, Downing; Heskey, Agbonlahor. Subs: Guzan, Sidwell, Carew, Delfouneso, Davies, Delph, Beye. Referee Chris Foy (Merseyside) 5.26pm "Do they physically move you to a new part of the office for this MBM once you are done with the Saturday Clockwatch?" asks Ian Copestake. "I imagine it being like a hairdresser's when you are moved into position for the actual haircut having endured the shampooing, blow-dry and uncomfortable closeness to a young lady's chest." Bloody hell, yeah, I'd forgotten all about that. When I had hair, I occasionally went to salons rather than barbers where you could barely breathe through the pipe smoke. Any consequent improvement to my hairstyle (and photos suggest even that is hiMULLETghly debatable) was far outweighed by the devastation to what remained of my self-esteem as I floundered desperately in the face of desperately awkward questions such as "How are you?" and "How would you like it cut?" from a pretty female. Prediction Tottenham 2-2 Aston Villa. Dinging hums ahoy. Am I the only one who can't abide that bald cockney tw person on the Betfair ads? And no, no of course I wouldn't say it to his face. In fact I wouldn't say it in the same postal district. 1 min A human being puts a whistle in his mouth and does a blowing motion, thus signalling the commencement of combat in a quaint little ritual known as football. 2 min Villa are kicking from left to right. Anyone out there? Anyone? Vanessa? 3 min This is a jaunty little email from a man who calls himself Silver Fox. "Hello mate, hope you're well. Should be a decent game tonight (on paper anyway). Spurs like to pour forward at home and we will look to exploit them on the break. Can't be any worse than the bilge that was the Merseyside derby. With us, Spurs and Citeh doing our best to lose and draw games, it looks ominous for those Scouse anti-football merchants getting the 'coveted' fourth spot. Hope its a good game. All the best, Silver Fox." All the best mate. 4 min Nothing has happened. All very scruffy and formless. 5 min The first half-chance. Dawson humps an angled, right-to-left 60-yard pass to Crouch, who heads it back infield for the onrushing Modric, but he scuffs his shot from the edge of the area and Friedel saves comfortably. 6 min "Evening Rob, evening everyone," says Ben Hendy. "I wonder, when looking at neutral teams, do other people base their feelings towards them almost solely around the managers? I used to quite like Spurs and wish them well - they tried to play football 'the right way' most of the time - but now 'Arry's there I have no choice but to wish them ill. Likewise, Villa I have tended to be fairly 'meh' about but with Martin O'Neill there, they've become a team a like, respect and wish well. (I'm not going to rate all the other managers you'll be pleased to hear). Anyway - do you and others have soft spots or reserve special hatred for any managers in particular that colours how you feel about teams you would otherwise be neutral towards?" Oh hugely. Exhibit A: Martin Jol. I love that little cuddly fat Dutchman. It's a very personal thing I suppose. Conversely, I wouldn't mind every club John Gregory ever manages getting relegated by March. 7 min Spurs are almost imperceptibly taking territorial control of the game, but Villa will not mind that, such is their fondness for counter-attacks. 8 min "In view of Bentley's presence in this match a hairdressing riff would not be inappropriate," says Ian Copestaske. "In Leeds I used to frequent a barbers in which to blend in while a man held a sharp object near my brain I found myself grinning painfully at an unending gammut of lewd jokes and inappropriately detailed accounts of drunken encounters with females. I learned a helluva lot though." The flipside of Salon Shame is Barbershop Banter, only marginally the lesser of two considerable evils. I'd like to walk in and make it abundantly clear that I don't want to engage in any sort of small talk, that I'll even pay £5 more if they just shut up and cut my hair. But obviously I'm a coward so I don't. 9 min Modric plays a nice one-two with Huddlestone before coming infield from the right and firing an outside-of-the-foot shot over from 25 yards. 10 min Bentley, picking up the ball from Defoe on the right, zips infield past Luke Young and then sweeps a decent effort across goal and wide from the corner of the box. Friedel knew it was going wide and waved it away. 11 min "With Bale starting, doesn't that guarantee no win for Spurs?" says Joe Pearson. "Or did they win one that I missed?" Indeed they did, sir, and you also missed the tragic news about the Titanic. 12 min Aside from a couple of decent touches by Milner, Villa haven't got going yet. Nor has the game, in truth: it's been really bitty. 13 min Heskey is moving unconvicingly. Insert your own joke here, but this time it's actually an injury. John Carew may be on soon. 14 min Modric, nominally the left-sided midfielder, is roaming even more than usual, and a surge into the box brings the first corner. From it, Ledley King should have scored. It was a nice outswinger from Bentley on the right and King, unmarked six yards out, thumped his header straight at Friedel. In his defence he almost had to jump backwards as the ball got big on him, but he really should have dirtied Friedel's hairy knees at the very least. 15 min "Whisper it quietly, because I'm a Liverpool fan, but I heart David Moyes," says Phil Sawyer. "I'd throw myself off a bridge at the command of those bulgy scary eyes. This obviously means I have very confusing and conflicting emotions about Everton nowadays." Yeah, that's a good call. He's a proper manager - a proper man - in a game that is increasingly devoid of them. I think a good sign of a man's worth is whether Tony Soprano would respect him. He'd obviously see through a clown like me straight away, but I reckon he'd really respect David Moyes. 17 min Magnificent defending from Richard Dunne keeps the score at 0-0. Modric freed Crouch in the box with a gorgeous disguised pass from centre to left, but Dunne shot across from to block Crouch's left-footed shot from eight yards. I think Friedel also got a touch on it in a blur of bodies, but Dunne's block was heroic. 19 min Villa win their first corner, but it comes to nothing. Heskey is still struggling. 21 min Agbonlahor spins Dawson beautifully in the box, but Dawson recovers to block Agbonlahor's shot. As Dawson falls his arm hits the ball, but that would have been a ludicrously harsh penalty. 22 min John Carew does indeed replace the injured Emile Heskey. This isn't a great game, to be honest. 23 min "Soft spot: Avram Grant," says Uncle Ben. "He's so likeable, talks sense and handling the mess at Pompey well by all accounts. Even recent indiscretions has done little to change this for me. However, if EBJT scored that peno, I'd probably wouldn't like him quite as much. Also, as a United fan, I dearly hope MoN takes over the reigns at OT. In the mould of Sir Matt Busby and SAF with their philosophy on how the game should be played. Unlike Mourinho who I do hope isn't appointed." Are you sure? O'Neill's team are highly dependent on counter-attacking. That has always been a part of United's philosophy but far from all of it. Personally I hope it's Mourinho, just for the amusement of watching him flick insouciant metaphorical Vs at the entire country for the duration of his tenure. In terms of maintaining traditions and behaving with a touch of class, I can't see beyond Laurent Blanc. 24 min A trademark heatseeker from Huddlestone 30 yards out has Friedel in all sorts of trouble as he dives to his right. He could only push the ball straight out in front of him as it wobbled this way and that, but Modric's follow-up shot was blocked by Cuellar. Bloody hell that boy strikes a ball exquisitely. 26 min "The barbers shop near me has a jaunty neon sign in the window that exclaims 'HAIRCUT SIR!'," says Ben Ellis. "I often wonder exactly how that should be said out loud. I am also a big fan of punning hairdresser's names, my favourite in Birmingham in 'Julia's Scissors', which always raises a smile." Doesn't that pun only work with a Birmingham accent? I can't decide if that's clever or racist. 28 min A fine double save from the brilliantly talented Heurelho Gomes. Milner, receiving possession from Downing 25 yards out, has too much time to take a touch and hit a beautiful low strike towards the near post. Gomes saves very well diving to his right, and is then up on his feet to block Agbonlahor's follow up from a tightish angle. That was splendidly hit by Milner; it really whistled towards the bottom corner, just above the ground. 30 min "Just answer all of the barber's questions in dull monosyllables," says sociability's Archi Campbell. "That's what I do and they've quickly learnt not to engage in any kind of social interaction. On the downside, it does mean that none of the pretty girls want to cut my hair anymore and it has to be done by a man who resembles Richard Keys' hairier brother, but I can live with that." 31 min Spurs win a free-kick wide on the left, and Bentley whips a stunning inswinger into the area between defenders and keeper. Dawson had a free header four yards out, but completely mistimed his jump and the ball looped off the back of his beck and just over the bar. That was a great chance. 32 min "I judge managers by how Malcolm Tucker would interact with them," says Jonathan Francis. "Imagine him berating Wenger for saying he'd rather finish third than win the FA Cup, or mocking Rafa for his 'Facts' rant. On the other hand, I feel mangers like Guus and Moyes would come off quite well. Ferguson would give as good as he'd get. That'd be pay-per-view quality..." Imagine him with Phil Brown. Don't apologise for Geovanni, apologise for yourself . 33 min "There's a barber shop in Chicago called Curl Up and Dye," says Johnathan Kasynski. 34 min Can somebody do something please? This isn't very good. That's fine - most football games aren't - but the frustration here is that, unlike most, this game palpably has the cap acity to be really good. 35 min A peculiar short corner almost pays off for Spurs. Bentley, on the left, passed it to Bale on the near edge of the box. He flipped the ball up and then belted it low towards the crowd of bodies but, although it deflected off Dunne's heel, it was lumped away by someone else in a claret shirt on the six-yard line. 36 min "Boring boring Villa" scream the Spurs fans in a rare moment of north London solidarity. 37 min "When I first moved to bright, shiny London I could only afford to go to my local Turkish £5-a-go barber," says Nick Glynn. "He didn't speak a word of English. At the end of every haircut he would get this big bit of wire, wrap the end in cotton wool, dip it in some lemon-scented flammable substance, and set it alight. Then he would waft it in the proximity of my ears and nose to get rid of unsightly hair. I have never been more terrified. Also, the smell of burning hair is appalling. Good times." I'll fire up the DeLorean. 38 min Villa have been diabolical so far, but for all that Friedel has not had to make a really difficult save. They are used to having their backs against the wall and are quite comfortable in such a position. 40 min "Can we stick to football you arseole" chirps Michael Savic. I think he's talking to you, Copestake. 41 min A stunning save from Friedel keeps the score at 0-0. Bentley floated an angled free-kick to Crouch on the right side of the box. He nodded it down and King, eight yards out, imaginitively whirled his left foot like an arthritic ninja to flick the ball across goal, but Friedel leapt to his right to beat it away. It came to Defoe, only a few yards out but in front of the near post; he was stretching and looped it onto the roof of the net. 42 min "Now all the histrionics about Gomes have ceased, has he developed into the best Premier League goalie this season?" asks Richard Finch. "Given's flaws are now being highlighted, Friedel has been hot and cold... Cech or Reina maybe? Or that lad at Birmingham? I would put Gomes ahead of them on form." I think he's definitely the most talented. He makes some outrageous saves, mind-blowing even. But the errors haven't gone away completely. If I was picking one I'd go for Reina. 44 min "A friend of mine once walked into a hairdressers where a notoriously chatty stylist worked," says Marius Stravinsky. "When asked how he wants his haircut, he simply replied 'In silence'." 45 min What a thoroughly disappointing half this has been. "Can we stick to banter you ragamuffin?" arfs Pranjal Tiwari. "Also, there is a barber shop in Oakland, California called Butta Qutz." Half time: Tottenham 0-0 Aston Villa Boooooooo. That was dross. Villa were more culpable, both in terms of their approach and their execution, but Spurs won't exactly be getting champagne and hookers at half-time either. See you in 10 minutes. 46 min Spurs kick off from left to right. 48 min "Yer man at 33 minutes has it wrong," says Thomas Ehr. "The infamous Curl Up and Dye Hair Salon is in The Motor City, Detroit, Michigan.... and my niece works there! See proof in para 6 here ." I think Curl Up and Dye is a fairly ubiquitous name for a hair salon... 49 min The second half has started as the first finished, and Huddlestone screws a long-range shot approximately four miles wide. 50 min King drags Agbonlahor over 22 yards out. This is a real chance for Villa, with the kick just a fraction right of centre. Downing steps up... and curves it tamely over the top. Bah. 52 min Villa are having their best spell of the game. This, admittedly, is in taller-than-Danny-Devito territory, but they have certainly improved in the last few minutes. I think I saw four consecutive passes a moment ago. 53 min A half-chance for Villa. Cuellar's low, passed cross from the right found Carew, six yards out and just in front of the near post. He had a few inches on his marker, King, but tried an extravagant, behind-the-standing-leg flick and made a complete meal of it, actually touching it onto his standing leg. He could probably have tried a more orthodox shot there, although I'd need to see it again to be sure. 54 min Well this is fun. 57 min Now Spurs are having a decent spell, but Villa's defensive organisation is very good indeed and Dunne and Collins are putting out any fires with their usual efficiency. 59 min Villa get another free-kick in a very dangerous area, 25 yards out and slightly to the left. Ashley Young curves it well over the top. Bah. 61 min A smart headed flick from Defoe finds the onrushing Huddlestone, 30 yards out, and he whistles a very fine half-volley towards the bottom corner that forces a sharp, plunging save from Friedel. 62 min A loose ball comes to Modric's on the edge of the area, but his left-footed snapshot deflects wide for a corner off James Collins. I'm not sure it was going in, in truth. The corner yields the cubed root of eff all. 64 min Milner's near-post cross from is headed wide by Carew, who had to almost jump away from goal to meet it. This is garbage. 66 min I truly don't know what to say. This is awful . Agbonlahor is down receiving treatment after a tackle from Huddlestone. 67 min "Rob," says Mac Millings. "When I was a lad, my Dad used to make me to the same hairdresser's every month, wherein worked a very attractive young lady. I had to shut my eyes and picture Margaret Thatcher the whole time to avoid an embarrassment. Oddly, my Dad used a fake name when we went there. I'm not sure why exactly, but I suspect it may have been because he was having secret rumpo with the lady barber. Either that, or he was just ashamed to be seen with me." 68 min "Do you really work for the Guardian?" says Tony Lennox. "You sound like such a moron. The BBC 5 Live commentary team (who must be close by) are using very different descriptions, like 'pulsating' and 'end to end'." It's almost as if the BBC has a contract with the Premier League! (This said, I am indeed a moron.) 70 min Something happens! Cuellar curves an interesting, flighted pass into the box from a very deep position on the right. Carew had his back to goal, with King reacharound-tight behind him, and he leaned into King before swivelling to strike a first-time effort that was sadly straight at Gomes. It was a decent attempt though. 71 min "Perhaps in the meantime you could email those who were complaining about the Merseyside derby and explain that though that was dross it was at least passionate dross," says Ian Copestake. "Or just download some bongo." 73 min Modric drifts seductively past Milner but Ashley Young comes across to make a fine tackle on the edge of the area. Villa do work incredibly hard defensively. 74 min Still no sign of any substitutes, even though the game is crying out for the wit of Eidur Gudjohnsen or Nico Kranjcar. 76 min Villa win a corner on the left, via the medium of Michael Dawson's big noggin. It's swung out by Downing, and cleared by Huddlestone. 77 min Good play from Bentley, who goes outside and then back inside Luke Young on the edge of the box before crunching a left-footed shot across goal that Dunne, on the six-yard line in front of Friedel, deflets wide for a corner. 78 min The thing I like most about the comment from Tony Lennox is his assertion that the 5 Live team 'must be close by'," says Phil Sawyer. "I assume he thinks that GU would actually pay for you to go to the stadium, rather than leave you in a souless office having been told to 'hold the fort, Rob' by Big Paper journos as they head off to the pub. Bless. He's new here isn't he?" 79 min The increasingly influential Bentley dummies Luke Young twice on the right before eventually winning another corner. It's swung very deep and headed clear by Dunne. 80 min Dunne makes an excellent interception to deny Defoe, but the ball runs loose to Crouch on the edge of the box. His shot deflects off Dunne and spins just wide of the near post with the diving Friedel beaten. 81 min "That's a fair point," says Tony Lennox. "I guess you're in front of your TV with a couple of cans of lager and a bag of peanuts." Pretty much. Feet on the desk an' all. 83 min Spurs are really pressing now, and the crowd are both raucous and expectant. Villa aren't quite hanging on, but they are under real pressure. Milner brings down Modric 30 yards out in a central position... and Bale slaps it into the wall. 86 min Crouch, climbing all over Dunne, heads Bentley's booming cross wide of the far post. It was little more than a half-chance. 87 min Spurs should probably have had a penalty there. Defoe controlled a long pass into the box with his back to goal, and as Petrov came across Defoe just got there first before he was taken down. I do think there was an element of Defoe dragging his left foot into Petrov's for the contact, but it was an unwise challenge from Petrov and it could easily have been given. 88 min Villa substitution: Sidwell for Downing, which means a switch to 4-5-1. 89 min "While this may be paint dryingly awful to watch (or eye-poppingly brilliant if you have a vested interest in saying so) a point is not a bad result at all for Villa," says Niall Mullen. "You have to wonder if Richard Dunne is the buy of the season and whether Citeh would have lost at Hull with him in instead of one of their other 'defenders'." Do you have to wonder? I'd have thought both answers are pretty obvious. 90 min Crouch nods down yet another long, diagonal ball to Defoe, who takes a touch and lashes it towards goal from 15 yards. Friedel gets down to his left to push it away. Moments later, Crouch flicks just wide from six yards. It was a lovely effort: a corner was headed down to him and, as he overbalanced, his flicked the ball behind his standing leg but just wide of the post. 90+1 min That would have been a scandal. Ashley Young found far too much space on the right of the box and took a touch before spanking it goalwards. King flew across the area to make an excellent block. 90+2 min The last ten minutes have indeed been pulsating, if not end to end, and Bentley's shot is blocked desperately by Collins. Villa's industry is truly admirable. Full time: Tottenham 0-0 Aston Villa Villa get the point they came for, thanks to an extremely good defensive performance. The game was largely dreadful, and I have very little else to say. Thanks for your emails, night.