Liverpool v West Ham United - as it happened

Sebastian Dangerfield, the titular hero of The Ginger Man - the signature work of JP Donleavy, Roy Hodgson's favourite novelist - is a boozing, whoring scoundrel noted by Time magazine for his "flamboyant charm, wit, and above all for his wild, fierce two-handed grab for every precious second of life". Hodgson could do with taking a leaf from Dangerfield's book. Nobody's asking him to turn into a hedonistic anti-hero, getting stuck into the boozies and floozies, but making a wild, fierce two-handed grab for his chance at Liverpool might be an idea; all this sitting back, waiting for things to happen just ain't working. Today they play West Ham, bottom of the Premier League table, and without a win at Anfield since 1963. If Roy doesn't go for it this evening, he never will. And being without the injured Steven Gerrard simply won't be an acceptable excuse. West Ham, however, will fancy their chances of at least a point. They've only lost two in the last 11, and have drawn every game against teams they've played from the bottom half this season. If they get some sort of result tonight, Anfield will have the collective funk on. Kick off: 5.30pm. Liverpool stand-in captain Jamie Carragher makes his 650th appearance for the club, drawing level with Phil Neal, while Glen Johnson, Christian Poulsen and David Ngog all return: Reina, Johnson, Carragher, Skrtel, Konchesky, Kuyt, Meireles, Poulsen, Maxi, Torres, Ngog. Subs: Jones, Aurelio, Kyrgiakos, Babel, Shelvey, Kelly, Eccleston. West Ham United welcome back Liverpool summer target Carlton Cole and Radoslav Kovac, but Scott Parker misses out with a chest infection: Green, Jacobsen, Gabbidon, Upson, Ilunga, Piquionne, Noble, Kovac, Boa Morte, Obinna, Cole. Subs: Stech, Reid, Tomkins, Barrera, McCarthy, Spector, Nouble. Referee: Lee Probert (Wiltshire) Updated table malarkey: That preamble was knocked out before the 3pm games had finished. West Ham are still bottom, but Liverpool have dropped two places to 13th as a result of Birmingham's win over Chelsea and Blackpool's victory over Wolves. They're two points off the relegation places. Two points. In the middle of November. All change at Anfield: "I reckon Liverpool will be much improved without Steven Gerrard," writes Gary Naylor. "Too many of his team mates do not accept responsibility when he's there to do it for them. And he hasn't done it regularly for a while now." Meanwhile off the pitch, Ian Copestake would like to point out that it's union-busting Martin Broughton's last home game as chairman: "I am sure the slayer of Statler and Waldorf will get a good ovation, though perhaps only a grudging one from any Liverpool-supporting British Airways employees." The teams run out. Liverpool wearing their trademark all red - how they must regret sullying the memory of the 1985/86 double-winning kit with that remake - while West Ham sport their away kit, all white with claret-and-blue chest bands, a knowing nod to the early 1970s. Anfield is belting out You'll Never Walk Alone right now, as it always does. And we're off! Liverpool have lost the toss, unless Carragher's totally buggered it up, because they're kicking towards the Kop in the first half, a state of affairs they'll not be best pleased with for the purposes of superstition. Within 30 seconds, Kuyt feeds Johnson down the right and into the box. He could go down under a clumsy barge from Obinna, but chooses to stay on his feet and stand a cross to the back post instead. Corner to Liverpool. 2 min: The corner is an abject waste of time, but soon the ball's coming back at West Ham, Maxi cutting inside from the left and wheeching a not particularly great shot goalwards. Green swallows with ease. 3 min: Now it's Ngog's turn to pelt a low shot goalwards from the left. Green palms the ball wide left; the ball stays in play and is eventually hacked clear. A positive start by Liverpool! Yep. 5 min: Torres takes a long ball down and rolls it left to Maxi, who skelps a shot wide left. What on earth is Jacobsen doing? West Ham aren't defending this flank at all. "Nice montage of Uncle Roy you have as the main pic," writes James Mair. "It's interesting that in every picture he looks like a man who has left his keys somewhere, but can't quite remebmer where. Fulham perhaps? That vague sense of confused uncertainty, with a hint of remorse." 8 min: West Ham finally get their foot on the ball. Ilunga has options ahead of him down the left, but manages to thread the ball straight out of play, from a position where it was seemingly impossible to go wrong. "Hodgson's obsessive chin stroking may be annoying and even slightly disturbing," notes Rai Skrupskis, "but it is surely preferable to Wenger's throw-the-water-bottle-from-the-pram petulance. Or am I missing some suave Gallic sophistication?" He throws it in a perfect parabola, Rai, a common-or-garden English manager would just hoick it without first considering the axis of symmetry. 10 min: Brilliant football by Ngog, who drives down the right, then bombs along the front of the West Ham box before laying off to Torres. The striker, who has a preposterously good record at Anfield - 40-odd goals in 40-odd games, something along those lines - hammers a low shot wide right. That was a wonderful run by his strike partner, the sort of direct running Liverpool so often lack. 13 min: Liverpool haven't clicked properly yet, but they're playing at a high tempo and looking to push forward at every opportunity. It's a decent enough atmosphere at Anfield, too. "Is JP Donleavy really Roy's favourite author?" asks Welly Boot. "Seems ridiculous but I can't see a joke in there for the life of me." Well, his favourite Donners novel is lame early 1980s effort Schultz, and not the aforementioned angry-young-man-era classic The Ginger Man. It's like picking Christian Poulsen over... actually, it's just like picking Christian Poulsen. 15 min: Kuyt and Ngog exchange a couple of passes down the right. Eventually the ball breaks to Torres, whose shot balloons off Upson and into the arms of Green. Or it would do were Kuyt not giving the keeper plenty with his shoulder; free kick. Liverpool look a bit feistier than usual. 18 min: WHAT A RETURN FOR GLEN JOHNSON! Liverpool 1-0 West Ham United. Meireles swings one in from the right. Jacobsen heads behind for a corner on the left, from which the same Liverpool midfielder unleashes a rising drive, forcing Green to tip over. The next corner comes in from the right, Johnson chesting down on the penalty spot and smashing a low shot into the centre of the goal. That had been coming, and is very much deserved. 20 min: Now Johnson has to show down the other end of the park, Jacobsen curling a cross in from the right, the Liverpool defender flicking a header away at the far post with Piquionne and Ilunga lurking. West Ham haven't done much up front, but this Liverpool defence is always going to offer a chance or two. 22 min: Konchesky attempts a clever dragback on the left-hand touchline. Throw to West Ham. 23 min: A superb ball down the inside-right channel by Poulsen - fair's fair - to set Torres off towards the area. His low cross into the centre for Ngog and Meireles is cut out by Gabbidon. Then, less than a minute later, Johnson twists and turns and wriggles free into the area down the right, and stands a ball up to the far post for Torres - who should get a shot on target at least , but scuffs his effort totally. Liverpool are playing very well indeed here. 25 min: I can't quite see the angles, but ESPN are claiming that Avram Grant is deliberately standing in front of the seated Roy Hodgson so the Liverpool boss can't see what's going on. That is deliciously petty. Or maybe, the way West Ham are playing, he's hoping Hodgson might return the favour later in the game. 26 min: PENALTY TO LIVERPOOL!!! Torres, cutting in from the left, tries to dink the ball past Gabbidon. The Hammers defender sticks his left arm out, meets the ball, the ball then clanks off his righ arm, and that's a no-brainer for the ref. I hope Roy is doing the right thing by Avram on the touchline. 27 min: GOAL!!! Liverpool 2-0 West Ham United. Kuyt sidefoots softly straight down the middle, Green diving out the way, a celebrating Kop behind the keeper. 30 min: Reina comes 20 yards out of his area to volley a West Ham long ball back upfield. It gets the biggest cheer of the evening. 32 min: "That's a bit naughty from ESPN," opines Ian Copestake. "When Avram Grant stands up he will be blocking the view of many people." Grant is getting indirect pelters from his own support at the moment; they're chanting for Paolo di Canio as manager. 33 min: Jacobsen pings a decent ball into the Liverpool box from a deep position on the right, but Carragher and Skrtel edge Piquionne and Cole out of the road. West Ham are doing nothing whatsoever up front. 35 min: A free kick for Liverpool on the left. Meireles lumps the ball in. Green, on his penalty spot, flaps, the ball breaking out to Maxi, who tries to steer the ball back goalwards. Upson is in the way to bundle clear. The visiting team are presently in complete tatters at the back. 36 min: Boa Morte swings one in from the left for Cole, who standing on the penalty spot attempts to find the top-left corner with a header. Reina claims, but he's at full stretch, West Ham's best effort of the game so far. 37 min: Kuyt lashes a shot wide left of goal. This is a very open game, though of course some teams are more open than others. 38 min: GOAL!!! Liverpool 3-0 West Ham United. Maxi frees Torres down the inside-left channel. The striker should score, but allows Green to smother at his feet. No matter for Liverpool; the ball rebounds wide left to Konchesky, who whips an immediate cross into the centre for Maxi to head confidently home. West Ham are, to use their local parlance, in a right two and eight innit. 40 min: A free kick for West Ham, 30 yards out, dead centre. Noble lifts a poor effort straight into the stands at the back. 42 min: Immediately after the third goal, by the way, Steven Gerrard got up out of his seat and buggered off. I do hope he's not upset at this glimpse of the future. 43 min: Johnson twists and shakes down the right, and not for the first time this afternoon either. It's another determined run, and Ngog nearly gets on the end of the resulting low centre. Whisper it, but has the much-maligned Hodgson roused the defender from his complacent torpor with that public blast the other week? 44 min: Meireles drags a shot wide left. This Liverpool move is getting old. 45 min: Konchesky needlessly clips Boa Morte just in front of the Liverpool area on the right. The free kick is whipped into the six-yard box, Kuyt heading over under severe pressure from Upson. After a bit of head tennis, Obinna finds the net with a shot from the edge of the Liverpool D - but unfortunately for West Ham it's one running along the edge of the roof of the Anfield Road stand. HALF TIME: Liverpool 3-0 West Ham United. And that's that for the half. "Perhaps West Ham fans should be chanting for Dalglish," suggests Ian Copestake. Some have flooded out of the stands already, ESPN claiming they're away home, but surely they're just off for an extra half-time pint to soothe the pain? And we're off again! One change for West Ham: Barrera replaces Obinna. 47 min: A corner to Liverpool down the right, almost immediately. Johnson meets it with a header on the penalty spot; his effort goes wide right, Ngog back on his heels and unable to turn the ball in. 48 min: Anfield's gone very quiet. 49 min: Poulsen, Maxi and Johnson all have chances to feed Kuyt and/or Torres free down the centre, but take turns to fanny around and waste a promising chance. 50 min: Noble drags a terrible long shot wide left. 51 min: Kovac is outmuscled under a high ball by Kuyt, ten yards from his goal. The Dutch striker wins possession and lays off to Ngog, whose shot from a tight-ish angle on the right is blocked and sent ballooning out for a corner. Which is wasted. 52 min: Torres shoots from the edge of the West Ham box. The ball hits Gabbidon's hand, which is hanging loosely at his side, a few inches in front of the striker. Liverpool won't be getting that decision, not that it stops Torres moaning about it. 55 min: West Ham are seeing a bit more of the ball during this half, but that isn't buttoning the lips of their travelling support, who are singing loudly about Di Canio again. I wonder how much longer Grant can last. He's not popular with the fanbase, and his team are shocking, although to be fair today missing their main player in Scott Parker. 59 min: Not much going on at present. 60 min: "Sacked in the morning," sing the West Ham fans to Grant. Oh dear. 62 min: Shaping to shoot on the edge of the West Ham area, Maxi goes down under a strong challenge by Gabbidon. He cries for a free kick, but the referee waves play on, a good decision. 63 min: Maxi, Meireles, Kuyt, Maxi and Konchesky are all involved in some pretty passing down the left. The ball's worked inside for Torres, who blazes over the bar like a madman. That's decent football from Liverpool. 65 min: From a Liverpool corner on the left, Maxi sends a rasping, rising drive goalwards. It's deflected over the bar, and the subsequent corner is wasted. "This is a good chance to get that goal difference out of the red," writes John Lover of Liverpool's league totals. "Please don't waste it!" I wouldn't hold your breath. This has got last Tuesday's Scotland v Faroe Islands match written all over it. 68 min: Barrera overhits a cross from the left, but the ball sails too close to the frame of the goal for Reina's liking, the keeper tipping over. Nothing comes of the corner. Liverpool go down the other end and nearly score through Maxi, who from a tight angle on the left tries to find Torres in the centre. He fails, but nearly plants a fluke into the right-hand side of the goal. 69 min: Cole - a transfer target for Liverpool in the summer, let's not forget - leaves the field having achieved the sum total of nothing squared. McCarthy takes his place. 71 min: Cole is sitting on the West Ham bench shaking his head and looking totally radged off, as though he'd just spent every other minute of the match embarking on long runs beating a minimum of five men on each. 72 min: How Liverpool aren't 4-0 up I'll never know. First Torres bothers the frame of the goal, his long shot from the inside-right channel hitting the left post, then Poulsen hits an absolute screamer from distance, Green fingertipping past the post just as the ball was ready to nestle in the top-right corner. 73 min: Some admin. Aurelio comes on for Ngog. Meanwhile Noble is booked for a late clatter on Meireles. 75 min: Meireles pings a tasty reverse pass down the right to free Johnson, but the defender is inches offside. He's playing very, very well today, in central midfield where he belongs. 77 min: A final change for the Hammers, Tomkins coming on for Ilunga. 80 min: Released on his way by a lovely crossfield ball from Kuyt, Aurelio bustles down the left to win a corner. It's a waste of time. Both teams are going through the motions here. 83 min: Noble spreads a ball out right to Tomkins, but the resulting cross is guided back to Reina by the chest of Johnson. Down the other end, Aurelio - who is in the mood to show off, having just executed a delicious turn on the spot to diddle two men - sends a rising shot just over the bar from 25 yards. 84 min: Shelvey comes on for Meireles, who is rewarded with a warm round of applause. As is Torres a few seconds later, when he departs for Babel. 86 min: Babel jinks down the right and whips in a lovely cross for Aurelio in the centre, the defender heading over from eight yards. 88 min: Shelvey strokes a ball out wide left to Babel, who races towards the area before spectacularly losing control. I wonder if he's changed his name to Babel Who Has Yet To Realise His Potential In A Red Shirt, because that's what the ESPN commentator keeps saying every time he miscontrols the ball. 90 min: Noble swings a free kick into the Liverpool box from the right, Piquionne heading weakly over. There will be an added two minutes of this. 90 min +1: Finally West Ham play some decent football! Piquionne, with his back to goal on the edge of the Liverpool box, sweeps the ball out wide right. Barrera pings an immediate cross back in, but Puquionne can only head wide left. Still, a crisp move. FULL TIME: Liverpool 3-0 West Ham United. And that's that. A great first-half performance by Liverpool, and 90 minutes of rubbish from West Ham. The home side may look on their limp second-half showing as a chance to boost their goal difference spurned, but surely they've struggled enough this season not to take anything for granted yet: they move back into the top half of the table to a heady ninth. Hodgson shakes hands with Grant, for once not the man in the firing line.