Nato website offers a DIY guide to wannabe nuclear powers

What do you get when you cross The Anarchist Cookbook , the nuclear age and a German diplomat with a mischievous sense of humour? Answer: an article on the otherwise pointy-headed IP Global, website of the German Council on Foreign Relations (www.ip-global.org). "The Bomb For Beginners" "provides step-by-step instructions for going nuclear" for the information of countries such as Iran, and using countries such as Israel as role models. If only Nato was always as droll as this, and if only more diplomats were like the author, Michael Rühle, deputy head of the policy planning unit for the military alliance's secretary general, Jaap de Hoop Scheffer. Step one of Rühle's easy-to-follow guide involves "developing a civilian nuclear program" – for which "you may even ask for help from the IAEA" – and establishing "research and nuclear enrichment facilities", some of which will need to "remain secret, preferably underground". A next section entitled "Getting Off The Ground" advises prospective nuclear states how to procure "a lot of stuff" they will need, "from centrifuges all the way to warhead designs". Rühle laments the unavailability these days of the great Pakistani nuclear smuggler AQ Khan, but assures the reader that "with enough patience and money, you will still be able to get what you need". "You need appropriate systems to deliver your nuclear weapons" reminds Rühle, and despite many options, "let us be honest: ballistic missiles are the real thing". There are tips on how to "designate your missile program as a 'space launch' program", thereby getting the Russians to help, above board, as they do Iran. When it comes to the testing stage, unfortunately, "the old trick of staging a 'peaceful nuclear explosion' will no longer suffice", but the nascent nuke-power can "try to have another nation test weapons on your behalf, as South Africa did for Israel and China did for Pakistan". It is important, however, to "keep a low profile". Once caught in the act, as is inevitable, Rühle has sound advice: "First and foremost, do not overreact… Bring up Israel again" – and, if a Muslim country, "cite some arbitrary fatwas that argue nuclear arms are incompatible with Islam. If none can be found, have one written by a clergyman." Of course, "the Security Council will seek to punish you" but "no serious punishment will ever be set" – though "never argue that you need nukes because your neighbours have them, as that would give away your true intentions". The crucial thing is that "fortunately, time is on your side" – only by this point, with the expense of this exciting project, "your country may now be impoverished".