Didn't he used to be rubbish? Diego Forlán of Uruguay

Old Trafford has a strange effect on South Americans. Brazil's Kléberson was one of the most coveted midfielders in world football until United signed him, at which point he was transformed from a swift and elegant ball-winner into the football equivalent of a three-legged warthog with self-esteem issues. A similar fate befell Uruguay's masterful attacking fulcrum Forlán. Signed from Argentinean giants Independiente for £6.9m, he made his United debut on 29 January 2002, but didn't get his first goal for the club until 15 September. This 27-game scoring drought led many to think of him as a Latin American Peter Davenport. Forlán made a habit of removing his shirt when he did find the net, which, since his bun-like hair-style and squinty eyes give him the look of somebody who might play Marmie in a BBC TV serialisation of Little Women, was an alarming spectacle. Like Kléberson the man the press dubbed "Diego Forlorn" benefited hugely from leaving the North-West, winning two European golden boots. At United breezeblock-footed simian Wayne Rooney filled the Uruguayan's position in attack, sure proof of the laughableness of the Premier League's claim to be the best on the planet.