England v Pakistan - as it happened!

Morning everyone , and welcome to both sides' third London Test of the summer. The weather is the main issue today and I am afraid that it has just started to drizzle at Lord's. The celebrated drainage system at HQ, however, means that play should be possible about half an hour after it stops. How much play is possible is rather open to question as we've got the sort of skies and atmosphere that inspired Mike Barson to pen this . I was at Lord's in 1997 on the first day of the second Ashes Test which ended up as a wash-out. Sheltering under the wind tunnels beneath the Compton stand supping warm Fosters for four hours was not my finest experience of watching cricket. I'll be back with any updates as soon as I get them. Down memory lane I also went to the 1992 Lord's Test between the two and that was a cracker. Ian Botham made it back into the Test side following his World Cup heroics but had lost all semblance of pace as a bowler. Wasim and Waqar were at their mercurial best and Ian Salisbury probably reached the pinnacle of his Test career, particularly in Pakistan's second innings, when he took three wickets and seemed to promise so much. That was the epitome of a false dawn, even though Alec Stewart continued to try to inspire him over the next few years with shouts of 'Bowled, Solly!' even when he was tossing down filth once an over for the rest of the games he played. As for today, it's still raining. Any techies out there? An email from a correspondent who wishes to remain anonymous asks: "Does anyone have any links, via proxy servers to beat the IT company spies? Don't mention my company please!" Can anyone help? Tom van de Gucht is happier to be identified. "I bet the fast bowlers' union isn't happy, despite all of England's bowlers averaging under 30 runs per wicket during this series the selectors have decided that the best way to rectify the teams habit of suffering from batting collapses is to call up another bowler as cover," he writes. "I know the tail-enders haven't added as many runs as hoped but surely England's response is a case of having the right facts but the wrong conclusion?" I think it's all about the conditions. They are sure that this top six plus Ian Bell will fare much better in Australia when the ball won't hoop around but by contrast are unsure that this four-man attack has what it takes to bowl Australia out twice at the MCG and Adelaide. Having said that I don't think Tim Bresnan would take bucketloads on those two tracks either but his Tyke colleague Adil Rashid just might. Quick question Does anyone know what's going on with Tim Ambrose at Warwickshire who was dropped again this week. It's barely 18 months since he played the last of his 11 Tests but he seems in danger of drifting out of Edgbaston at the age of 27, which, as declines in fortunes go, seems remarkably rapid. John Wheeler was at Lord's as well in 1997: "I, too, was at Lord's on the first day of the second Ashes test in 1997. I picked up a ticket from a mate the night before and called in sick to work in the morning. By about 11.30, the guilt of skipping work and the prospect of no play made me decide to call the office and tell them that my stomach was feeling much better and I'd make my way in shortly. Halfway through that conversation with my boss, the Lord's Tannoy boomed out: 'Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Lord's'. Luckily I found a new job fairly quickly." Has Johnny Dennis's distinctive PA voice cost anyone else their jobs? Rain update Just popped out into the Kings Cross air and can report that it has stopped. Sky are running an interview with Ricky Ponting who is bullish about home prospects for the Ashes. England have "no surprises" in their potential team, they're "impressive" but he's very confident. Thanks to Graem Peters for cutting through the murk surrounding Tim Ambrose: "Tim Ambrose is out of contract at the end of this season. Back in June, in anticipation of this, Hampshire made a written request to Warwickshire to approach Ambrose. However, Hampshire are denying that they have actually talked to Ambrose . This is believable if only for the fact that the young keeper they've been blooding looks excellent." Guy Hornsby also had a miserable day at Lord's earlier this year: "Well this is like a carbon copy of the Bangladesh Test this summer. I was 'lucky' enough to spend most of the day sat under the stands supping prosecco and champers (not my money, thankfully) and eating the contents of a coolbox much better suited to blue skies, and almost hoping that we'd be rained out so I could get my money back and get off early to a wedding in Daventry (classy, it was too). As it happened, play did start, Bangladesh floundered, and I left at 5.45pm in a grey mood. I didn't even get to see Tamim Iqbal bat." You did have the dubious pleasure of watching Jonathan Trott bat, though. And bat. And dig. And bat. Bowling sides out, dumb cliche? "Why this obsession (not you specifically) with the phrase 'bowling sides out'?" writes Gary Naylor. Very few sides in history have had a set of bowlers which regularly 'bowled sides out'. Most sides hope that conditions favour one of their attack and that the others bowl around him, keeping it tight, building pressure, and waiting for the errors. This is why batting collapses are almost always the fault of the batsmen, rather than the reward for five bowlers taking wickets. Making first innings of 300+ in England (equal to 350+ in the rest of the world) is the best way to set up victory opportunities, not playing half your order at least a notch too high and expecting five bowlers to deliver 12-3-35-2 figures. 250 all out in the first innings is not a good place to be (as Aus found out in 2009)." You're right, of course, Gary. I remember driving home from the first day of the 2005 Edgbaston Ashes Test and listening to the radio when most of the people ringing in were ruing the fact that England had scored their 400+ "too quickly" when that total had obviously put England in a dominant position. Rainy days and Thursdays The inspection was due about now but it's started raining again. Hugh Curtis says "I remember Day Two at Edgbaston in 2003 v South Africa. It rained hard all day. We ended up at Wolverhampton Racecourse. A dreadful place. It looks like a bad NHS hospital and the horses seemed to be running in treacle." That's one way of refusing to let the weather get in the way of a scheduled big day out. While Len says: "Good to know you're not still bitter about Ian Salisbury letting you down. This one sounds personal." He didn't just let me down, Len. He let himself and the whole school down. Still, poor chap. All that "our Warne" claptrap set the bar stupidly high. 12.10pm Still raining Rhodri Burridge asks a time honoured question: "Who the hell is Gary Naylor and why hasn't he got any work to do? Also, which Council or Government department does he work for and how long do you reckon he's got left?" In many ways, Rhodri, we are all Gary Naylor and who can say how much time any of us have left. I must admit as a reader rather than a locum writer of these OBOs I wondered whether Gary Naylor was a house byline, the work of many hands. These days I know different but have no personal details. At the proposed Evening with Lord Selvey, perhaps he will reveal himself or it may be a Spartacus moment when everyone reveals themselves as Gary Naylor. Nath Jones, you've been gone too long, writes: "I got the train from Swansea to London for day three of England-India in July 2007. The track was flooded around Bristol, and it took us seven hours to get to Lords. The weather had been fine all morning in London and they hadn't missed a minute's play. We walked into the ground at lunchtime, just as the heavens opened, and spent most of the rest of the day watching the rain. We saw about 15 overs cricket after tea, but as they'd played all morning we couldn't even get a refund!" 12.15pm and it's looking brighter but still drizzling Edmund King is "trying to cheer myself up on a wrist-slittingly soggy day in Milton Keynes by following the OBO, such as it is. It's helping. Thanks. I'm also getting through thanks to this which appears to contain rare footage of David Gower cutting up the dancefloor. It is truly a marvel which must be beheld." That's a Gower wig circa 1978. I think David Gower veers more towards Elton than Laetitia unfortunately. Justin Horton has positive memories of a wet Lord's: "Actually Lord's can be the place to be when it rains, just because of the slope: it can fill up spectacularly when it buckets down. I was at the first day of Middlesex v Somerset in 1981 and there was a huge cloudburst early in the afternoon: after a time you could have gone swimming outside the Tavern had you so wished. But if I recall rightly, because of the slope it drained so quickly that play resumed later that same afternoon." I remember TV shots of the Tavern awash in the late 70s or early 80s and people paddling inside the boundary rope, knotted hankies on heads and waggling their pint pots above their heads. What was that, though? It couldn't have been a championship match 12.25pm I've done a Salisbury "A Bananarama quote in the OBO, has the rain really brought it to this?" writes Chris Wheeler. I'm so old Chris I was referencing the Supremes version. Well that's my story, anyway. "Who the hell was Nathan Jones anyway?" According to Wikipedia he's a "former lover, who left her nearly a year ago "to ease [his] mind". Hope that helps. "The advantage of first day rain is that there is likely to be day five play," Alec Cochrane points out. "This is great for people like me who don't buy tickets way in advance and like turning up for the excitement of the last day, like at Lord's in 2002 against India. My mate was slightly blind and spent the entire day ducking as Agarkar and Nehra slashed around in a lost cause." Good point, Alec. A Monday at the cricket is divine, a proper sagging-off delight. 12.30pm They've decided to have an early lunch Mark Gillespie has a few pertinent caveats for Gary Naylor's analysis below: "Not to completely disagree with Gary, as there are problems with both approaches, but the idea of the five bowlers is not so that they all chip in with a couple of wickets. He's right in the first part, but the fifth bowler gives you (hopefully, and depending on who's selected) a different option to get someone suited for the conditions (not always clear before the game) or more chance of a pair of bowlers bowling well in tandem, as well as meaning you are less exposed if (when) one of your bowlers is bowling poorly and releasing the pressure you are trying to build. The problem England have in this equation is that like almost all sides, they look a player light when they don't have a genuine allrounder in the side, as he's quite right that the batting is important as well and looks short with Broad at seven and everyone else who follows (although Prior may be good enough to make a Test No6)." Still not sure about Prior that high, Mark, though I have been impressed with his approach this summer. I just have my doubts about his stickability in Australia and India. I'd be delighted to be proved wrong, though, but then who is good enough to bat at No7, average, say, 30 and chip in with wickets? 12.40pm and time for a plug Ben Day asks: "I'm sure it has already been on the OBO and I know the Spin have given it a plug, but can I recommend Miles Jupp's Edinburgh Fringe show " Fibber in the Heat " (8pm, Gilded Balloon Teviot)? Saw it last night, it's fantastic, and not just because it's all about pretending to be a cricket writer and hanging around in bars with David Gower." I have a mate who once spent all of one summer in Edinburgh, working in a bar and supposedly sampling the Festival. When I asked him what he'd seen on his return, his sheepish reply was "Allo, Allo". Lori McConanchie has a bone to pick with her family: "I unfortunately have never been to Lord's (my grandfather took my brother but not me, slight unfair however 20 years have passed, I must get over it). However, I have been subjected to watching the television while the rain pours only to be entertained by replays of the Ashes 2005, over and over and over again. Generally a more pleasing experience than had the sun been shining." And before that Peter West introducing the 1964 Ashes with Jim Swanton's fruity commentary. 12.50pm and some of the covers are coming off Liam O'Hara has another positive memory of a rainswept Lord's: "My Dad let me skive off first school one Monday and took me to Lord's in 1988 to watch the MCC vs. Rest of the World. We sat in the Compton stand for most of the morning, getting absolutely soaked. Once play was called off for that day we headed around to the museum. Most of the players were leaving the pavillion and heading back to their hotels. Neil Foster was apparantly too busy to sign my autograph book. At this point a bloke who looked like the big guy from The Green Mile grabbed my autograph book and said he would get some signatures for me. After about twenty minutes he returned with my book full of the likes of Gordon Greenidge, Gatting, Allan Border, Courtney Walsh, Kapil Dev and Imran Khan. A veritable Who's Who of 80's cricket. The next day at school the guilt of faking illness got to me and I broke down in tears in front of the teacher, admitting everything. He gave me a right telling off - but, being a cricket fan himself was probably jealous! I later took this book to Dean Park in Bournemouth to watch Hampshire play (and try to add Malcolm Marshall to my collection). I lost it down the back of the slatted wooden seats there - it was never to be seen again. Sob!" Lovely stuff, Liam. It brings to mind Danny Baker's story about his friend Danny Kelly's lost autograph book. He was waiting outside a football ground for the Spurs players to sign before getting on a coach and Terry Venables, then a player, offered to take it on to the bus for him to get everyone to sign. The bus drove off with the book still on it and Danny Kelly running behind in vain. 12.55pm Steward's inquiry Pat Turner writes on the kindness of strangers: "I was a steward for the Test at Lord's in 1987 versus Pakistan. I was there for all five days. Three were abandoned for the day and in total there was only one session and one hour of play. I was in Q Stand (immediately to the left of the pavilion, called something else now). One well to do spectator went upstairs to the bar and got my colleague and I a quadruple whisky and lemonade and then left us some cans of beer when he gave up for the day. The next Test at the Oval I did the last two days. When I arrived Pakistan had made over 700 in their first innings." My mother always told me to be wary of men bearing quadruple whiskies and lemonade. Incidentally, do people still go into pubs and order, Mike Baldwin like, "a large Scotch" and happily glug blended whisky in the boozer all night? 1pm correction Lori McConnachie wishes to point out that "I went to a wedding at Lord's, no cricket though. I only say this because the groom at said wedding is probably reading this ... sorry Riles." We're all sorry Riles. Now, on to the No7 connundrum if Prior bats at No6. Luke Catley points out if you need an average of 30: "Perhaps KP could bat No7 if he worked on his bowling?" Ho times three. Josh Robinson has amore serious point: "The biggest problem with the suggestion that Prior move up to No6 is, as you say, less that Prior might look a place too high than the resulting hole it would leave at seven. Of the current XI, Broad and Swann are the only feasible candidates, and they'd both be a place or two too high in the order. While it's possible to hope that Rashid might at some point make a convincing case as a genuine all-rounder he doesn't seem to be there yet. A 7-8-9-10 of Prior, Broad, Swann, Anderson makes a huge contribution to the strength to the England batting line-up – move them up a place and it starts to look like a huge weakness. If an extra bowler is needed, the best option is for Trott (or Collingwood if fit to bowl, or Pietersen) to provide more overs." Yes, and I'm sure Bell could be a useful option if he did some work on his bowling. 1.10pm All the covers are off and the toss is scheduled for 1.15pm with play to start at 1.40pm You've got to bowl first today. Keith Regen alleges that Terry Venables has a stationery habit: "I got his autograph after a West Ham v QPR game at Upton Park in the 1980s. But he took my prize Shaeffer pen. Just walked off with it." John Starbuck reminds me that next Monday is a bank holiday and so sagging off won't be necessary. "Also, why wouldn't any autograph-hunter put his address and 'REWARD!' in the book to guard against loss? Too sensible?" Far too sensible, John. Pakistan have won the toss and will bowl first The teams are unchanged from The Oval. England : 1 Andrew Strauss (capt), 2 Alastair Cook, 3 Jonathan Trott, 4 Kevin Pietersen, 5 Paul Collingwood, 6 Eoin Morgan, 7 Matt Prior (wk), 8 Graeme Swann, 9 Stuart Broad, 10 James Anderson, 11 Steven Finn Pakistan : 1 Yasir Hameed, 2 Imran Farhat, 3 Salman Butt (capt), 4 Azhar Ali, 5 Mohammad Yousuf, 6 Umar Akmal, 7 Kamran Akmal (wk), 8 Mohammad Amir, 9 Wahab Riaz, 10 Saeed Ajmal, 11 Mohammad Asif I'll leave you in Tom Lutz's capable hands for a while and be back in half an hour. 1.29pm: Sky are showing highlights from England v Pakistan from a few years ago: I think it's 2000-01 but I'm probably wrong. Thorpe and Hussain are in and looking settled. 1.32pm: And England win it! Thorpe's inside edge wins it for England! Watch out for these boys in the 2001 Ashes. England are practically a shoe-in. And Nasser Hussain (2010 edition) has just rung the bell for the start of play. Very happy he looked about it too. 1st over: England 5-0 (Strauss 0 Cook 0) And so what promises to be an excellent Test starts. It's not an auspicious start for Pakistan as the first ball from Amir comes down so wide it skips down to the boundary for five extras. He's the Pakistani Steve Harmison! Amir improves though and tests Strauss with one that jags away from the off stump. 2nd over: England 6-0 (Strauss 0, Cook 1) Thanks to Tom for that break. Asif shares the new ball and I've got a bit of a crush on his bowling so I'll try not to be too effusive. He gets a little inswing straight away and hits Cook's pads or did he snick it as Kamran Akmal catches it. Pakistan do not appeal - he did not hit it and the leg-before appeal was too high. He's jagging it around impressively. Joanne Beasley is someone who still likes a large Scotch: "To your question of large scotches, public houses and glugging the answer is yes. I have been known to frequent local hostelries in such a fashion. Be assured I sport no medallion, or large signet ring. I did however when the barman once tried to give me ice shout 'No rocks!' at him. I think we all then realised it was time to head home." Do you head to the corner shop and request "a packet of my cigars, please, Alf", too? Cook gets off the mark with a single tucked just behind square. 3rd over: England 13-0 (Strauss 1, Cook 6) More on steward refreshment at Lord's from Pat Turner: "Incidentally we were banned from drinking while stewarding. It was an instant sacking offence with no pay. Three lads got drunk while it rained and ended up crashed out on the grass behind the pavillion. They were sacked and had to make their own way home to Luton with no money." The risks of drinking on duty involve a long, skint trek back to Bedfordshire. Oh dear, Umar Akmal grasses an absolute sitter at third slip off Cook's outside edge. Amir had done brilliantly to tempt him into playing that and is justifiably furious. Cook then steers a four along the ground through the same area. This is a nervy start from England and both bowlers lines' have been naggingly probing. At least until two singles down to fine leg complete the over. 4th over: England 20-0 (Strauss 6, Cook 8) We once did a skit years ago in the newspaper's Slogger box about Andrew Strauss's resemblance to David Cameron. It was far too premature. Their hair is virtually identical now. The captain plays a classical push down to the mid-off boundary for three to follow a trademark glanced two. A cheeky single brings two more for Cook when a shy at the stumps earns an overthrow. "In regards to ageing drinking habits (large Scotch with a slug of tap water from a Scotty dog shaped jug) I've recently rolled back the years and begun using Old Spice," writes Tom van de Gucht. "I'm a primary school teacher and was bought a selection of old school aftershaves, including Brut and Old Spice, as end of term presents from the kids in my class, obviously I'm overlooking the possibility that so many of them selected hygiene products due to the questionable quality of my own personal cleaning routines and work place aroma. However since using the spice a few people have commented on how nice I smell, which again might be a thinly veiled insult with the subtext to their complement being 'Christ, you normally stink but at least you're making some sort of effort now regardless of how pongy the nasty eau de toilette you've selected is'. Either way I still consider it a sort of personal victory." Thanks Tom for the perfect excuse for this 5th over: England 20-0 (Strauss 6, Cook 8) Beautiful delivery from Amir that shaped out and nipped back in that made Strauss's confident leave look decidedly precarious. "I just dunked a ginger nut in my coffee and held it there too long so that its structural integrity was irretrievably compromised," laments Alex McGillivray. "I finished the coffee and am now upending the mug and banging on the bottom in a sad-to-watch attempt to dislodge the gingery goop trapped within. I'm taking this as an omen that we're going to be all out by tea." Not with Pakistan's cold hands, I'm afraid. Excellent maiden, well five balls of it, from Amir. 6th over: England 22-0 (Strauss 7, Cook 9) Warwick Alex is a harsh judge: "So far as the selectors are concerned, that drop of Cook should be out. The Aussies will never drop that. Drop the man." For whom? He does look very shaky though, flying by the seat of his pants technique-wise. Phil Lamb has more on tubby councillor turned widower turned barm cake magnet: "Given that both the subjects autograph books and Alf Roberts have come up I feel that now is the time (possibly the only time ever) to tell you that my uncle got Alf Roberts' autograph for me when I was a kid. My uncle asked him to fill it in on a popular double glazing company card as that's all he had with him. He signed it Alf Roberts and filled in his Weatherfield address. That's real character acting. Take note, Pacino." Did anyone ever take a dive from a Newcastle multistorey car park with more grace? A single each for the openers. Strauss, here comes the hex, by far the more solid and confident. 7th over: England 22-0 (Strauss 7, Cook 9) The lights are now almost fully erect. Strauss has been practising leaving the left-armer's away swinger and is doing it well so far but Amir could still trap him with one that moves in. And just as I wrote that Strauss plays a massive waft outside off stump to the type of ball he's shouldered arms to so far. Patience suddenly deserted him then returned next ball for an ostenatious leave with post non-stroke cross-bat flourish. 8th over: England 22-0 (Strauss 7, Cook 9) Asif strangles his appeal for leg-before that catches Cook on the roll in line with off stump but way too high. Cook's trigger movement, dread phrase, now incorporates a big stride forward and he's looking vulnerable. This is like a Mike Hendrick spell, quite brilliant in flashes but somehow not taking wickets with unplayable deliveries that aren't nicked. "In a similar vein to Joanne Beasley's 'No rocks!' comments," writes Andrew Jefford, "I was once in a pub in Bristol where the gentleman next to me at the bar ordered a large scotch. 'Do you want ice in that luv?' asked the barlady. 'No thanks sweetheart,' he replied in a thick Bristolian burr, 'I seen what it done to Titanic.' Review: Cook c Akmal b Amir There was a distinct sound but it was the noise made when his bat hit his pad flap and the review system gives him another life. 9th over: England 25-0 (Strauss 10, Cook 9) Strauss clipped three with a satisfying thunk before the Cook appeal and after it the Essex opener has a nibble at a legside delivery but doesn't touch it. "I don't mean to be a pedant," writes Henry Higgins. I hate you Higgins., well Audrey Hepburn does and that's good enough for me. "Well actually I do, but I believe it was Gateshead car park. These things matter to some people, and by some people, I mean people from Gateshead. And me, although I am not from Gateshead. nor have I ever been." 10th over: England 27-0 (Strauss 11, Cook 9) Poor old Mohammad Yousuf gets a clunk at short leg. Fancy putting your best player there. Does the beard help? Big appeal but they decide not to review with another one that does too much, as they say. "Just learned from TMS that Tim Robinson (Old Man River) is the fourth umpire for this match," says John Starbuck. "Nice to know he's still playing a part in the game, especially one where you can sit down all day - he's earned the rest." It was never bright confident morning again for him after a tangle with Patrick Patterson was it? So good against Australia in 1985 and then the barrage that destroyed his, what? Confidence, technique? He was not the first, though. 11th over: England 31-0 (Strauss 11, Cook 9) Wahab's come on. More on autographs. Tim Partington "once had the audacity to ask David Gower for his autograph while he was on his way back to the pavilion after a duck against Somerset. My polite request was met with a very stern 'NO!' My Mum's never liked him since." Clive Lloyd once told me "get lost, get out of my sight" in the Headingley car park after a Roses match. But then 20 years later I saw him, long retired and in his mid 50s, having a dance in a dingy Manchester nightclub called Champers. I didn't ask him then either but he lost all capacity to frighten the life out of me. And more on Gateshead landmarks from Alistair Ayres: "Henry Higgins is indeed right it was a Gateshead carpark. But if anyone else wants to try and take a dive off the top they'll have to be quick. As Gateshead Council in their infinite wisdom have started to demolish possibly the only famous carpark there is (at least in Gateshead anyway)." Wicket! Strauss b Asif 13 Now that was a beautiful delivery. Strauss played forward but the ball swung in and cleaned him. The lights are on, I wonder if he saw it properly. It was still a wonderful ball, though. 12th over: England 35-1 (Trott 4, Cook 9) Trott gets off the mark with a lovely on drive for an all-run four. Strauss sort of gated himself by pushing his hands at the ball in his forward defensive rather than letting the ball hit the bat but it was a brute and he did manage to get an inside edge on it. Dave Church asks for our help. "My little brother is about to complete an amazing charity challenge. Since last sunday he and a friend have been running from the London Eye to Frocester Cricket club in Gloucesterhire, a total of 131 miles, or 5 marathons. Both are keen OBO readers and would appreciate any support you and your readers can offer them they will respond to tweets (@ l2f_run) and comments left on their website . They start the final leg about now (2.30pm) and should finish about 7.30pm at Frocester. They are raising money for the Alzheimers Society and have so far raised over £3,000 however the cause is so good that any more support and/or donations would be greatly appreciated." 13th over: England 39-1 (Trott 8, Cook 10) Wahab is taken off and Amir comes on to have a probe at Trott. He off drives the first, slightly off the bottom of his bat, and gets three, the wet ball saving the four. Out comes the light meter and off they go . Bad light stopped play Autograph update: Oli Humphrey has a tale to tell:"On the subject of autograph hunting, my most chastening experience was at Canterbury after play when Australia played Kent during their 1997 Ashes tour: Greg Blewett told me to 'f*** off' when I asked him for his autograph. Lovely bloke." It's stars on Thursday. "Warne, on the other hand, signed away merrily for ages." And here's Will Hardy on the sainted Gower: "Re: Tim Partington's failure to get Gower's autograph. As the bride's godmother, my grandmother was invited to Gower's wedding, so I asked her to get autographs of all the cricketers there. However, being American she (my granny) had no idea what cricket was let alone whose autographs she should be getting. She did, however come back with her invitation covered in the signatures of Gower, Beefy, Lamby etc. I was of course thrilled and still have it framed. However, it was much later that I found out that she had carried my instructions out to the letter and so had ignored all other 'celebs' there including Gary Lineker. " Win some etc. And can you top this from Oliver Pool? "When my mate Kirk was 13 he got deranged England scrum half Dewi Morris' autograph. Morris winked at him encouragingly and said: "There you go mate, that'll get you a sh*g." Fifteen years later Kirk bumped into Morris again. "You gave me your autograph when I was 13, and you said it'd get me a sh*g. Well," said Kirk triumphantly, "it didn't!" Great self-importance by Morris though." I've head of cheap dates but to paraphrase Groucho who would want to with someone who would for Dewi's scrawl? 3.05pm The light hasn't improved and the covers are coming back on But don't let that stop your autograph memories. Nath Jones on one of my favourites, too: "Glamorgan v Worcestershire in about 1992. Matthew Maynard, then and still now my favourite cricketer, blanked me when I asked for his autograph. I was gutted, but on reflection at least he didn't do a Venables and take my book and/or pen." I like Guy Hornsby's story as well. "When I was a nipper, and a Surrey junior member, my twin brother and I were 'lucky' enough to get to the second day of the Ashes test at the Oval. Coming in at a commanding 325/3 the Aussies racked up a spirit-crushing 468 all out, following a mini revival by Derek Pringle. In the last over the day, Gooch was lbw to Alderman, leaving us 1 for one. Trying to snatch some comfort from the day's agony, we spent a good hour waiting for players to come out and sign our programmes. England were pleasantly polite (I was lucky enough to get star wrist spinner Mike Atherton's scribble) and many of the Aussies dourly obliged, apart from David Boon, who mumbled 'p*** off' and brushed us aside. I was 14, and my antipathy towards our Antipodean friends was sealed." More Australian japes : From Tom Ireland: "My brother and I ran on to the pitch after Hampshire v Australia at Dean Park as the victorious Aussies ran off the field. While other (normal) kids rushed to get autographs, we made a beeline for Ian Healy and just got in his way as he tried to get into the pavilion, waving our arms in his face and obstructing him. Despite us being tiny children, he knocked us out of the way, in a very macho Aussie fashion. Then we did stupid dancing behind Charles Colvile while he tried to do his piece to camera. Happy days.' I used to hate Ian Healy for the way he used to dig them out of trouble with those infuriating innings. How many times did England get a glimmer of hope only for him to ruin everything or, possibly worse, grind England into the ground when Australia already had a crushing total. Ed Hawkesworth eventually got the better of a curmudgeonly Curtly Ambrose: "On autographs - I was told to 'f*** off, man' by my bowling hero Curtly Ambrose at the age of 11, when I asked him to sign my maths text book as he sauntered around the boundary of the Oxford Uni ground with Courtney Walsh - during a West Indies vs Combined Universities game. This was repeated two years later, at the same ground, when I asked him to sign an Indian restaurant menu. My perseverance was finally rewarded aged 16, when I cornered him again. His initial response was was the slight variation 'f*** off, I'm eating' (some kind of Jamaican pasty), but he later relented. I also had a kick about with Lara. It was the day I finished my GCSEs and discovered scrumpy. One of the top 10 days of all time." Salad days, indeed, Ed. And how about this from Paula Finn? "This is my most shocking autograph-hunting tale. Several years ago, I overheard that jolly japester ex-snooker player-turned impressionist) say 'f*** off, I'm not here to sign autographs' outside the Crucible Theatre when requested for a signature by a small boy." Probably in a foul funk in the knowledge that his act was out of date. "Does anyone remember Eddie Charlton?" he might cry to the audience and silence follows. "OK, guess who this is? It's Perrie Mans." In response to several requests I can't post a picture of Gary Naylor as I don't have one. He tells me he's in Sweden if there are any budding Scandinavian shuttermen out there. Thankfully some of you have happier memories of meeting the greats: "I was 14 at the time of the Windies tour of 1957 and with two mates went to see them play Essex at Ilford," writes Andrew Tyacke. "En route we found ourselves in the same Underground carriage as the team. When the rush to get off had subsided, two rather forlorn West Indians were left on the platform looking very lost and asked us if we knew where the ground was. On the way we discovered that we were escorting Wesley Hall (then aged 17) and Andy Ganteaume. We were too surprised to ask for autographs but I guess we would have earned the undying gratitude of England's openers if we had taken Mr Hall to East India Docks and signed him on a tramp steamer eastward bound." Lovely, Andrew. ANd here's Andrew Parkin on Boycs: "After a Sunday game at Scarborough back possibly before the day, myself and a rabble of other boys were waiting outside the pavilion for any cricketers to come out when Sir Geoff walked into our midst. Everyone ignored him as he was notorious in not giving his autograph to anyone. However, it was our lucky day! He made us all line up and signed the books one by one, making sure to every single one of us that he doesn't like the attention and was only doing so begrudgingly. A great man." To be fair to him when I was a kid he always signed for me and I must have pestered him about 10 times in the 70s. Where they are now I dread to think. My mother decided several boxes were "clutter" when I left home at 18 and they must be in landfill now. 3.30pm update "Sorry this isn't autograph-related, but I've just got a text from a friend who's at Lord's and wants to know if he should hang around in hope or bugger off to the pub? Have they said anything on Sky?" asks Andrew Thomas very reasonably. They've said the rain is stronger, not too promising for more cricket, we should be grateful for the 12 odd overs we've had and it's, a classic Gowerism, "wait watch and see". Stalking the England captain Lucy Abell had a brush with Andrew Strauss that's a classic of the smirk/squirm conundrum: "At the risk of labouring the star-struck fan theme, me and my friend Helen were in the Lord's Tavern, having watched a Middlesex game a couple of years ago. We watched as successive players came in, and flirted with a group of lip-glossed screechy girls who were obviously NOT county cricket fans. After having had our fill of booze (which means quite a lot), we decided to stalk out past said players and groupies, and in a bid to make it clear we were not of their ilk and were, in fact, sportswomen ourselves, we put on our cycling helmets in the pub. I also donned my high visibility waistcoat, which is always an imposing sight. Unfortunately our timing was a bit off, so we ended up struggling with the door at the same time as an obviously scared Strauss was attempting to leave, which was extremely embarrassing. In an effort to try and regain some dignity, Helen stalked off ahead of him to where she thought she'd left her bike, only to realise she'd gone in the wrong direction and had to come back, once again heading straight for poor Andrew, who actually started jogging a bit towards his car, obviously believing we were lunatics out to get him." And as a younger brother myself I'm not sure I should be encouraging Matthew Harries psychological harrassment of his brother. But then again. "I once accompanied my little brother to ask for an autograph from Justin Langer, who had just started at Middlesex. My brother must have been about nine at the time, which would have made me eleven. Langer was perfectly friendly, signed my brother's book, and bade him farewell with a cheerful 'Take it easy, champ'. Charming older brother that I am, when we got back to our dad in the Lower Mound, I insisted that Langer had just called my brother a chump. My bro was enraged at my calumny, almost to the point of tears; naturally, I kept a straight face, and even to this day he can be wound up by the story's retelling. It would therefore be very pleasing to me if it could be stated for the permanent record that Justin Langer called my little brother a chump." 3.35pm No prospect of play soon I'm afraid And I'll return to cricket themes in a short while. But this is gold from Will Russell: "I asked my hero Viv Richards for an autograph at the Oval in 2000. Despite happily signing them for loads of kids (none of who were old enough to have seen him play) beforehand, he took one look at me and deadpanned, 'Viv is busy'. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry." Third person referencing almost worthy of "Crouchy likes his nachos" acclaim. And what about this from Will Scott? "At a local cricket charity match, I asked David Gower to sign his photo in the programme. He pointed out that the picture already had an autograph next to it, but I explained that as it was a printed autograph, it held zero kudos, so he duly signed away. This exchange was caught by my local paper's snapper, and appeared the week after. My mum got the picture enlarged, which I then took to a Hampshire match, and got signed by DG again. So, one of my most prized possessions is a signed picture of David Gower signing a signed picture of David Gower." Beat that. 3.45pm It's looking bleak I'm afraid But it's not raining in Kings Cross if that's positive news. I've got to do a couple of things for the paper but will be back in half an hour or sooner if there's any developments. Before I go here's Dan Ashley with a request: "My boss it as Lord's and has lost her phone. If anyone's found it can they ring me (will be the missed calls on the phone). Checking that will also allow them to see if it's the correct phone. If it's a different one, they should hand it in." This is like matchmaking. Thanks so much for your emails so far. 4.55pm No news is bad news There's nothing on the wires re the state of things but a friend at Lord's is preparing to call it a day. It seems too dark for them to come back on even if it has stopped raining and seeing that Sky are currently showing Freddie's last stand (effective stand) at Lord's last year I can't see for myself. However, I've had lots more emails and here are a few. Rich Leyland was not carrying a piglet (see the Ashes tour 1982-83) when he elicited this rebuke: "Yet another tale of being sworn at by a cricketer. The Scarborough Cricket Festival had an annual Yorkshire v World XI match, which was a magnet for cricket-mad teenage autograph hunters such as myself. For reasons unknown every year Eddie Hemmings turned up to roll his arm over for the World XI. In 1991 the genial looking Eddie was fielding on the boundary just in front of us so I went over to ask him for his autograph. Obviously he took the responsibility of representing the World quite seriously as rather than sign my scorecard he just told me to f*** off. Grasping what little dignity I had left I returned to my seat, to spend the rest of the innings inventing songs about Kapil Dev with my friends." Eddie Hemmings, how could you? Tom Williams' dad was told to go forth and multiply, as the Two Ronnies used to put it, by Fred Trueman but Brendan Oliver has better memories of the Fiery one: "I was lucky enough to be invited to a gentleman's dinner at a local Golf Club (Ilkley to be precise) in Yorkshire. Freddie Truman was a member there and had 'pulled some strings'. It was about a week after the 2005 Ashes Victory. Guest of honour and speaker 'Michael Vaughan'. After the speeches not only did Michael (and Freddie) sign books and videos galore for the waiters etc to flog on e-bay but also all the guests' invitations. Michael signed mine first and I asked him to dedicate it to my recently born daughter. Fred went next and as he had already discussed the fact that my daughter's name was spelt the French way (Aimee not Amy) with my father in law over a round (bloody stupid, I think was his view), he promptly took my invite called Michael a bloody idiot and then made him cross it out and do it again, spelling out every letter like a grumpy teacher. Embarrassed? You betcha. BTW. Come and see the statue of Fred 'in action', recently installed in Skipton." And when I saw the subject matter here I thought this'll be good, a profane bishop. But it turns out to be a heartwarming story instead. "In around 1962 or 63 I was at United Services Ground Portsmouth, for Hampshire v Sussex," writes Martin Walls. "Opening bat for Sussex (and England) was David Sheppard, later to be ordained Bishop of Liverpool. At the end of play, instead of lighting a fag and heading for the bar, he actually took a chair, sat down by the sightscreen and asked young autograph hunters to form a line. He then signed all our books and told each one of us that Sussex were going to win the next day." 5.05pm: The umpires have come back on the field but it's pelting down and the covers are on. I don't think there'll be more play but we're waiting for official confirmation. Meanwhile, I just wanted to say how sorry I am to those whose autograph stories haven't made it. When it rains they get us to do other stuff when really we should be able to sit here playing cards like they do in the pavilion, getting ice baths for our typing hands and massages and stand pies and the like. I have to leave you again for a bit but I like this from Edward Webster: "I was a bit of an autograph fiend in my youth, so my mum on boarding a plane from Edinburgh to London saw a tattooed, shaven headed man with police guards attracting a lot of attention. Thinking he was a footballer she tried to get his autograph in the departure lounge and was rebuffed, and again on the plane but was again rebuffed. On going through arrivals there was a huge scrum of photographers waiting to greet him. Having resigned herself to missing out on this eternal brownie-point winning autograph for her son, she at least thought she would get me a name, so she asked one of the paparazzi - 'Him? Oh he's been charged with a double murder and has been brought back here to face trial'. Has anyone got Gary Naylor's autograph? Hallelujah the phone has been found. I'll be back in a bit when there's some news. 5.35pm and the umpires are still reluctant to abandon play Here's Jimmy Cliff's verdict . Mark Francome suffered autograph fatigue and insulted the greatest Superstar of them all. "Many years ago my parents owned a sportswear shop. There was an annual trade fair at the Birmingham NEC which was not open to the general public and therefore there was a limited supply a autograph hunters inside the venue. Celebrity endorsements were still a novel idea but many big stars turned up (Kevin Keegan, Trevor Brooking, Ray Reardon and, erm, Gary Bailey) to promote the top brands (Umbro, Gola, Patrick, Uwin and, erm, Peter Storm). For a young boy it was a gold mine and my only issue was how to carry all the signed posters, cards and assorted free gifts. Late in the day I was suffering from "hero burnout" and paused for a moment to take stock. Standing next to me was a man in a judo outfit who mistook my rustle through various carrier bags to be the actions of somebody trying to locate a blank scrap of paper and a pen. He offered his autograph and I could only blankly respond 'nah, it's ok'. He wandered off looking a little embarrassed and it was only then that I realised that he was Brian Jacks (judo world champion and famed "squat thrust champ" from TV's Superstars). I'm sure I heard a suppressed sob as he departed the scene." The cruelty of youth. And there's nowt wrong with Peter Storm. Stumps were called 20 minutes ago while Sky were running the highlights. Thanks for your company all day, I've had a great time. I've loved the autograph anecdotes and having written a column on signing sessions and been accused of traducing Garry Sobers when I said he was truculent when I met him, it's been gratifying to have four emails confirming the great man's, shall we say, colourful approach to some of those who have sought his signature. All four were too rude to print but they made me laugh, so thanks Oliver, Phil, Tahir and Jeremy. Rob Smyth will be here with you tomorrow and I'll be back for a session on Saturday. Thanks and good night.