John Crace digests David Miliband's departure and Ed's shadow cabinet

David Miliband After a nano-second's period of reflection, I have decided not to stand for a post in the shadow cabinet. It is now Ed's Labour party and he should be free to screw it up for himself without the inevitable comparisons about how much better a job I would have done. So I am returning to the backbenches from where it will be much easier for me to launch a renewed leadership campaign in a few years once the party has woken up to the fact that my brother is a treacherous dickhead. Ed Miliband I am still very much my own man although I am beginning to wish I was my brother. But let me correct one thing. When I said "we are the new generation", I was also including Neil Kinnock. Conference We're not all right. Ed Balls Oi Ed. So if your brother is out of the running, can I be shadow chancellor? Ed Miliband Not if I decide I'm part of the coalition. Andy Burnham Can I have education? Ed Miliband I still don't know who you are. Diane Abbott I'll do anything ... Ed Miliband Then go back and join Portillo on the sofa.