Sleeve Notes: How to write a World Cup anthem

And so I return to clean up the fag packets and empty bottles of Jack Daniel's left lying around by Rosie Swash after her stint at the helm of Sleeve Notes. Seriously, the place looked as if it'd been used to record Exile On Main Street. Anyway it's good to be back – for one thing, I wouldn't have wanted to miss the start of the World Cup. As anyone who's heard Dizzee Rascal and James Corden performing Shout for England can attest, the World Cup inspires musical masterpieces. I jest, of course, but how do you go about writing a great football anthem? This week, guest columnists We Are Scientists were on hand to offer important advice : namely, mention Wayne Rooney a lot and don't release it at Christmas. So now you know. Five things we learned this week Lady Gaga releases video, world has meltdown It is possible to make Michael Eavis out of sand Record labels are not necessarily conducive to creating good music . Or even releasing good music The only Status Quo fans in Brighton are angry ones The Vaselines are back! And so are the Avalanches! What's the point in buying your fans? I've often thought that, should Sleeve Notes ever stop being THE MOST ESSENTIAL MUSIC MAIL OUT OF ALL TIME, I will not panic. Instead, I will just buy myself some new readers. After all, that's what some companies are trying to convince bands to do – offering to take their hard-earned cash in return for 1,000 Twitter followers or Facebook friends. One Australian company even promises to source "fans" who will download your music for a small fee. Sounds a bit like chartfixing? Well, they are called Chartfixer. Helienne Lindvall's Behind the Music blog questions the logic of paying for fake followers. It makes for interesting reading. Tracklists of my tears: when song titles are funnier than the spoofs When Autechre announced a song called pt2ph8, how did we know if it was real or a joke? Could Richard Ashcroft's forthcoming track How Deep Is Your Man be a genuine song or is it simply the work of some arch pop-satirist? Is Seratonin Jpeg really a Radiohead song? Dorian Lynskey's blog about artists whose song titles are works of parodic genius in themselves certainly took off this week – why not add your own favourites to the list? And finally … don't get lost at Glastonbury! Don't want to miss your favourite bands or lose your friends? Relax. Download Orange GlastoNav for free on to your phone and you'll never get lost with our interactive map. It even has full listings from the Guardian Guide, so the only way you'd miss anything is if your two favourite bands played at the same time! Click here to find out more