Liverpool v Napoli - as it happened

Good evening everybody . Welcome to our minute-by-minute coverage (warning: may not literally be minute-by-minute) of Liverpool v Napoli in the Europa League, a laughable farce of a once great tournament it's difficult to treat with anything other than utter contempt since Atletico Madrid hoisted the trophy despite winning eight matches fewer than beaten finalists Fulham. Tonight's contestants met for the first time ever in October, grinding out a dreadful 0-0 draw in Naples that was more this than this . It's a depressing state of affairs when you consider that, on paper at least, this is about as glam a fixture as you're likely to get at this seemingly interminable stage of the competition, although fans of Lausanne Sports and Sparta Prague may beg to differ. That said, Group K is the only league table Liverpool look likely to top for the foreseeable future, so they'll be hoping for another win to build on the momentum of their consecutive recent shock wins against Bolton Wanderers and Blackburn Rovers. Advertisement: Listen up to today's recording of the Football Weekly ... Extra podcast , which is fresh out of the oven, but sadly lacking missing in one vital ingredient: me. James Richardson tries to keep order as Raphael Honigstein, Sean Ingle and Paul Doyle bicker childishly about the merits of the Champions League group stages, among other things, while Sid Lowe chips in his two cents on the phone from Madrid. If the sight of this Liverpool line-up doesn't strike terror into the hearts of Napoli's players, what will? Reina, Johnson, Carragher, Kyrgiakos, Konchesky, Poulsen, Spearing, Shelvey, Meireles, Jovanovic, Ngog. Subs: Hansen (no relation), Gerrard, Lucas, Wilson, Kelly, Skrtel, Eccleston (no relation). Napoli: De Sanctis, Campagnaro, Cannavaro (relation, his brother), Aronica, Maggio, Pazienza, Gargano, Dossena, Hamsik, Lavezzi, Cavani. Subs: Gianello, Grava, Dumitru, Santacroce, Zuniga, Yebda, Sosa. Referee: Fredy Fautrel (France) In the Five studio: Dirk Kuyt and Jim Rosenthal are discussing what a big night it is for shaven-headed Liverpool whelps Jay Spearing and Jonjo Shelvey. In the Kop: Liverpool supporters are holding up a giant Bob Paisley banner, with a poppy embroidered on it for the time of year that's in it. According to Rosenthal, the former Liverpool legend was stationed in Naples 60 years ago and described the sight of Mount Vesuvius erupting as one of the most thrilling of his life. The first email of the night comes from Cosimo Bruno and is completely blank, apart from stating that it was "Sent from my ipad". Nobody likes a show-off, Cosimo. This from Patrick Carr: "Re: Hansen (no relation) and Eccleston (no relation)," he writes. "I just wondered to whom they are not related. Perhaps it is James Hansen of NASA or, more saucily, Courtney Hansen. And with Eccleston, might it be Christopher or semi-famous reporter Jennifer to whom you are referring. This has the makings of some decent entertainment if the game is not up to much." It would have to be a seriously debacle match for that kind of nonsense to constitute decent entertainment. Not long now: The camera pans to the VIP seats, where Linda Pizzuti is making her Anfield debut, linking arms with her considerably older, incredibly rich husband John W Henry. 1 min: Liverpool kick off, playing into the Kop. Napoli, who currently lie fifth in Serie A, don't. Liverpool's players are wearing their usual home strip, while Napoli's are kitted out in light blue shirts, white shorts and light blue socks. They field the exact same 11 that started their win against Brescia last weekend. They're taking tonight's match a lot more seriously than Liverpool. 2 min: Early pressure from Liverpool, courtesy of Milan Jovanovic, before Glen Johnson curls an inviting cross into the Napoli penalty area. The ball rolls out towards the sideline, where Jovanovic curls in a cross. Napoli goalkeeper Morgan DeSanctis reaches to pluck it from the sky, takes his eye off it and almost drops it under his crossbar. 4 min: "Fifty-five seconds into the game, the camera focused on Hodgson and he already looked spooked," writes Peter Conway. "Liverpool and City really are dire to watch. I know the Champions League group stages gets a lot of stick but as a non-Spurs fan, can I say that I am most relieved that Spurs are the team in the Champions League and not Liverpool or City. Muck." 5 min: Napoli win a corner after a low drive from Argentinian midfielder Ezeguiel Lavezzi was deflected into the side-netting. They play it short and nothing comes of it. Of course nothing comes of it. Short corners ... bah! 7 min: Liverpool corner. The ball's sent deep to Sotirios Krygiakos, but it's too high and he only manages to get the crown of his head to it and the ball looping into the arms of DeSanctis. 9 min: Raul Meireles is lucky to escape a booking, sliding in late and upending Napoli goalkeeper DeSanctis as he rolled the ball into his own penalty area to pick it up. He really took him out there, but De Sanctis didn't make a big deal out of it, which probably helped the Liverpool midfielder's cause. 11 min: Jovanovic squares the ball across the edge of the Napoli penalty area for Meireles to run on to. His first touch is poor and a promising attack breaks down. 13 min: Dossena, formerly of the Anfield parish, whips in a cross from the left flank. Pepe Reina is quick off his line to prevent any Napoli player poking it home. Having weathered an early storm, Napoli are starting to look more comfrotable on the ball. Having said that, they couldn't have looked less comfortable on the ball than they did in the opening 10 minutes. 15 min: More good play from Napoli, who attack on the break. Ezeguiel Levezzi sends Marek Hamsik on his way down the right flank, but the Slovakian with the comical mohawk is unable to shake off Sotirios Kyrgiakos and get a shot off. 18 min: David Ngog escapes down the right flank and squares the ball. Meireles steps over it, leaving it for Jovanovic, who can't reach it. Napoli clear. 19 min: The increasingly impressive Lavezzi curls a beautiful, first-time, inch-perfect pass between two defenders to Edison Cavani, whose first touch is excellent. Having teed himself up for a shot on goal from an excellent position, he proceeds to blast it high and wide. That's woeful - he should have scored. 22 min: David Ngog tries and fails to beat Napoli goalkeeper DeSanctis at the near post with a snap-shot. 23 min: "Jesus, what an uninspiring Liverpool line-up," writes Justin Kavanagh. "The fans' dream of a team of Carraghers is not far off now. Napoli have Cannavaro the lesser-known and Liverpool look like a team of little brothers. Sent from my carrier pigeon. Sorry about the feathers and mess." 24 min: Lavezzi tries to put the hurt on Liverpool again. Picking up the ball just inside the Liverpool forward, he advances deeper and deeper without anyone coming to close him down. Finding himself within range, he unleashes a surface-to-air screamer that fizzes this wide. 25 min: Spearing and Walter Gargano are enjoying a right battle in midfield, with the Liverpool player edging it. With Napoli advancing into Liverpool territory again, the Scouser puts it out for a throw-in. GOAL! Liverpool 0-1 Napoli (Lavezzi 26) That's been coming. The best player on the field by a country mile calmly passes the ball past Reina into the bottom right-hand corner after being put through one-on-one with the Liverpool goalkeeper. Hats off to Cavani, who headed the ball between two Liverpool defenders and into his path, after a couple of feeble efforts to clear by Christian Poulsen and ... somebody else. 30 min: David Ngog pokes the ball just wide of the left upright after getting on the end of a through-ball. He was put off his stride by Salvatore Aronica; the Italian defender's intervention was crucial. 32 min: Nothing much happening at the moment (translation: min-by-min reporter was busy dipping into his Betfair account to lay off his modest wager on Napoli, but is back now). 35 min: With so many shaven heads and tattoos in their ranks, Liverpool look like some sort of prison team on day release to play an important match. Or a gay pub team, playing an important match. Glen Johnson, one of their more hirsute players, tries his luck from distance, with a dipping shot that bounces just in front of DeSanctis at the far post. The goalkeeper grabs the ball at his second attempt, but I think it was going wide anyway. 39 min: According to Five's commentator, there are Napoli fans fighting outside the stadium. He doesn't mention who, if anyone, they're fighting with. 40 min: "Two telling cut-aways from the game tonight," writes Paul Chipperton from Toronto. "The first is the new Liverpool owner flanked by a darkly dressed and frankly ravishing woman, while immediately afterwards there's a wan, waxy looking Kenny Dalglish sitting next to someone who looks suspiciously like SuperNanny from the US TV show. A concise way to explain why I'm an ex-pat." 42 min: David Ngog looks bewildered after getting penalised for a foul on Paolo Cannavaro in the centre-circle. 43 min: Cavanni tries to pick out Dossena with a cross-field pass, but Glen Johnson intervenes to put the ball out for a throw-in. 44 min: Liverpool win a free-kick approximately halfway inside the Napoli half, near the right touchline. Jonjo Shelvey sends the ball into the mixewr, but it's headed clear and the referee blows for half-time. Napoli are probably worth their lead - they're a better team and boast the stand-out player on the pitch in their line-up, but there's not a huge amount in it. It's been quite a good match, all things considered. Half-time Some half-time analysis: "This Liverpool midfield have been as decisive as Buridan's ass," writes Colin Gardner. "They have been absolutely dire." "Is Babel hurt?" asks Gene Salorio. "If Liverpool aren't taking this game seriously, wouldn't that mean it's Babel time? Or are Liverpool determined to sell him and worry that playing him will only reduce his value?" "If I'm reading Paul Chipperton's contribution correctly, he is saying that becasue he has moved to Canada, he sometimes gets to sit next to a smokin' hot babe," writes Marie Meyer. "While I'm sure that is very nice, has he had any success in getting them to speak him, or divulge their names and phone numbers?" Second half: Liverpool substitute: Steven Gerrard on, Milan Jovanovic off. Will that be enough to rouse the Anfield crowd from their torpor? It's like a library tonight. Albeit a library with several thousand noisy Italians whooping it up at one end. 46 min: Gerrard wins a free-kick deep in Napoli territory, on the right touchline. That's the second he's won, the first having been on the other side of the fiel;d. It already looks like he's in headless chicken mode tonight. "Can I be the 91st to point out to our canuck friend that while John, Paul, George and Ringo XXIII may have an impressive trophy wife, King Kenny has an impressive trophy cabinet." 49 min: Napoli win a couple of throw-ins in quick succession, deep in Liverpool territory. Now they've got a corner. 50 min: The corner's played short again, with the ball eventually being curled into the box. Reina grabs it and sends Steven Gerrard galloping down the field. He's dispossessed. 51 min: An intricate passing move, Liverpool's best of the match, goes to waste when David Ngog shoots straight at DeSanctis from seven yards, when he had the whole goal to aim at. That's a really feeble effort. 53 min: All these very average skinheads in the Liverpool side are giving me a real headache. It's nigh on impossible to tell who's who when they're swarming around the Napoli box in a bid to tee up Ngog's latest miss. Luckily, it's not something that happens to often. 55 min: The tireless Lavezzi sprints down the right touchline, chasing a long ball from midfield. He hoists a cross, which sails wide. 58 min: Noticing just five centre-midfielders on the pitch for Liverpool, Dalkey One writes: "Hodgson seems to be adopting the little known 'Conga line' formation. Can you nip up to Liverpool and ask the Hodge why Pacheco isn't even on the bench? It seems Roy ain't too keen on flair midfielders, go ask the on-loan Aquilani at Juventus." 59 min: David Ngog picks up the ball on the right wing, cuts inside in a sends a cross to Shelvey at the far post. His header is appalling, flying straight up in the air and wide. 60 min: With Paul Konchesky in an advanced position, Jay Spearing tries to ping a pass up the left flank, only to Gerrard the ball out over the sideline. This is awful from Liverpool. 62 min: "Whoever sent you that email about trophy cases must be a young man," writes Gene Salorio. "Because as you get older and need to make every chance count, the trophy cabinet-trophy wife scale tips very heavily toward the latter." 63 min: Stevenv Gerrard tries to pick out Jonjo Shelvey with a nine-yard pass to the edge of the Napoli penalty area, but pings the ball straight to a Napoli defender. Liverpool just keep giving the ball away. 64 min: Liverpool substitution: Christian Poulsen off, Nathan Ecclestone on. One of the few Liverpool players with hair makes way for another skinhead. 65 min: Raul Meireles rifles a seven-yard effort inches wide of the left upright when it looked easier to score. His opportunity presented himself after David Ngog had wussed out of trying a volley with his weaker left foot. 66 min: French referee Fredy Fautrel books Napoli right-back Hugo Campagnaro for waving an imaginary yellow card after a foul by Sotiros Kyrgiakos. He then books Kyrgiakos for the foul that prompted Campagnaro to wave his imaginary card. Campagnaro complains, possibly on the grounds that he could have been waving an imaginary anything: a piece of ham, a hankerchief, a copy of today's Evening Standard or an invitation to his birthday party. 69 min: A colleague who speaks Italian (we're a very cosmopolitan bunch) tells me that the huge banner in the Kop that's written in Italian translates into "Try using soap and water," and is a message to the visiting fans. 70 min: Liverpool win a free-kick about 30 yards from goal, dead centre. 71 min: Gerrard curls a low effort around the wall and narrowly wide, prompting Five analyst Graham Taylor to wax lyrical about how you always know when Steven Gerrard is going to try a shot from a free-kick, because he pulls his socks up (literally rather than metaphorically). GOAL! Liverpool 1-1 Napoli (Gerrard 75) Great work by Jonjo Shelvey, who takes on and beats three defenders before being relieved of the ball. One awfully short back-pass from Andrea Dossena later, Gerrard beats Napoli goalkeeper Morgan DeSanctis to the ball and slots home. 78 min: Salvatore Aronica is lucky to escape a red card after a very nasty tackle on Ngog, diving in studs up and catching the Liverpool striker on the shin with a horrible challenge. 79 min: Napoli goalkeeper DeSanctis was booked immediately after Gerrard's equaliser, incidentally. He was moaning so hard about Gerrard "fouling" him as they both contested the 50-50 backpass that the referee decided to caution him. 81 min: Having lived on the edge for almost 20 minutes, Roy Hodgson reverts back to his tried and trusted formula of playing five central midfielders. Lucas replaces Ngog. Napoli substitution: Hassan Yebda on, Marek Hamsik off. He's done nothing all night ... apart from mooch around looking like a toilet brush. 85 min: "Gerrard scores, shushes the Ultras, has a choccy bar," writes Jonny Mac. "I'd like to think it was a Peanut Yorkie but it looked like a Lunabar." Glen Johnson wins Liverpool a penalty, after being tripped in the are by Aronica. GOAL! Liverpool 2-1 (Gerrard 87) Captain Fantastic drives a fairly unstoppable penalty low and hard into the bottom left-hand corner. Great penalty. GOAL! Liverpool 3-1 Napoli (Gerrard 88) And there's the second half hat-trick! Gerrard dinks the ball over DeSanctis after being put through by Lucas, who had capitalised on a sloppy bit of defending to win the ball with a meaty tackle. In the VIP seats, both Mr and Mrs John W Henry look like they might be developing a little bit of a crush on Liverpool's skipper. 90 min: Peep! Peep! Peep! The referee blows for full-time, prompting Steven Gerrard to grab the ball as a well-earned souvenir of his second-half hat-trick. After a fairly feeble first half effort, Liverpool have steamrollered Napoli in the second. That was a great skipper's performance - I'd say he could feel it coming in the air tonight, oh lord. And he'd been waiting for this moment all his life, oh lord. Elsewhere in the group, Steaua Bucharest have beaten FC Utrecht 3-1, which means Liverpool are top with eight points from two games and Steaua are next with five, while Napoli and Utrecht have three each. Exciting eh? Oh. Last word otnight goes to Greg Mungin: "Was his pass-back for the first goal Dossena's first ever assist for Liverpool?" he asks.