Killers

It's us they are killing with this screamingly abysmal romcom-thriller, drearily similar to the hitman'n'her Brangelina picture Mr & Mrs Smith. And they only use half the premise. Katherine Heigl is a shy woman who falls for muscly hunk Ashton Kutcher on vacation. They get married. But wait! He hasn't told her that he is a CIA contract killer. (Unlike Angelina Jolie, she isn't a killer, too, just a simpering blonde.) Tom Selleck and Catherine O'Hara are texting in dull performances as Heigl's adorable parents, although I will concede a sort-of reasonable joke at the beginning about ordering chardonnays on a plane.