From Mr Jelly to Paul the Octopus, this week's winners and losers

Drinking buddies of the week Prince Harry and Goldie buddy up after watching Goldie's band of young musicians play. Why not mate? A bit rich alert of the week Simon Cowell to Louis Walsh: "Why do you have to be so nasty and unpleasant and bitchy?" Children's entertainer of the week "Don't push your luck kid – I've drowned bigger cats than you." Psychoville's Mr Jelly warms to some trick or treaters. Calamarity of the week Paul the Octopus, taken too soon. Retina-scorching moment of the week Ann Widdecombe grimly lurching through the air on Strictly – a dream-invading horror to rival Vic Reeves as Loyd Grossman. TV death of the week Wannabe stand-up Dave Lester 's baptism by fire on US TV's Who's Got Jokes. Uncomfortable viewing – positively reeks of tumbleweed. Miss Blankenship moment of the week Bert Cooper's "Queen Of Perversions" in Mad Men has Peggy sussed: "It's a business of sadists and masochists, and you know which one you are." Missed deadline of the week Peter Saville and Ben Kelly's New Order-esque gravestone for Anthony H Wilson. Three years late … twitter.com/guideguardian guardianguide.tumblr.com