From Jai Paul to Ke$ha, this week's winners and losers

Shark jump of the week The Simpsons ' opening credits spoof of Ke$ha's wannabe shock-pop anthem Tik Tok. It almost makes the Simon Cowell episode look bearable. Why carumba?! Guest star of the week Only six hours left DAMMIT and Reservoir Dogs' Michael Madsen joins the cast of 24 as Jack's old buddy. Cue fight over best "ears-off" interrogation technique. Sixteenth-century occult alchemy musical of the week Gorillaz have announced the subject matter of the opera they're writing with comics legend Alan Moore: Elizabeth I's astronomer, John Dee. Nearly topical storyline alert of the week The kids of Waterloo Road are smoking "legal highs" at school (Wed, BBC1). What no mephedrone?! Most 80s moment of the week For his 80s Feast, Heston Blumenthal is serving sake champagne inside a giant mobile phone, microwaved lobster and a "vienettamisu". When do we get an invite? Brain-melting demo of the week Twenty-one-year-old Jai Paul's BTSU , a slice of bass-blasting electro topped with Prince-esque falsetto. Tasty! Get it from abeano.com Depressing read of the week A NY Times profile of the kids running the White House proves In The Loop right. As Malcolm Tucker might say, "Damn you, foetus boys." twitter.com/guideguardian