Westminster digested

Osborne: I say Cams, I thought you said we are all in this together. Cameron: Of course we are, dear chap. Osborne: Then how come I didn't get an invite to meet that babe Carla? I bet you had a struggle to keep Bozza away from her. Cameron: Steady on, old bean. Why don't you roll up your sleeves and get on with your budget thingy? Osborne: It's all done. It will be the most progressive budgie of the last 20 years. Clegg: Oh goody! We Lib Dems are all for progressive . . . Osborne: Shut it squit . . . I meant I'm going to make the rich progressively richer and the poor progressively poorer. Cameron: Top hole. Jolly well done. Talk me through a few headlines. Osborne: We're going to raise the tax threshold . . . Cable: That was my idea . . . Osborne: What corner did you crawl out of? . . . Then we're going to clobber everyone with a 2.5% rise in VAT. Let's see how the chavs cope with that! Cameron: Genius, Ozzy, sheer genius! Osborne: I was rather pleased with that touch myself. And get this . . . I've introduced a bank levy the banks won't even notice . . . Cameron: So our chums in the City won't be too pissed off . . . Huhne: I used to work in the City . . . Cameron: Don't I know you from somewhere? Have you been in the papers recently? Huhne: Is that the time? Better go . . . Osborne: You haven't heard the best of it . . . I'm going to cut one million jobs from the public sector. They all vote Labour anyway . . . Cameron: Apart from my black man. What will he do? Osborne: He can get a job in the private sector . . . Cameron: But no private business is hiring anyone at the moment. They're all sacking people, too. Osborne: Um. Well, yes, there is that. But it is good that I've sacked a million sandal-wearing beardies and lezzers, isn't it? Cameron: Of course. I'm sure it will work out. Especially if we don't pay them any unemployment benefit. Clegg: This is exactly the budget the Lib Dems always wanted. Osborne: How will it play with the oppo? Milidum: Who is the opposition? Milidee: I've heard there might be a budget soon. Cameron: It's all going to be just fine.