Westminster digested

Cameron: Good to have you back, Cleggster! It's been a real drag having to make my own coffee . . . Clegg: I've missed you too, Daddy. Cameron: So how was Liverpool? Never been there myself, but I've heard it's a dump. Ozzy went there once and couldn't understand a word anyone said. Clegg: Actually, I never really left my hotel . . . Cameron: Best way, old chap. Doesn't do to hang out with the hoi polloi when you're in government . . . Clegg: To be honest, I didn't even really bother meeting any party delegates . . . Cameron: God no! They are the worst! Jumped-up political arrivistes who think they've got the right to tell you what to do. Clegg: My lot weren't too bad this year. They are so thrilled by the idea people are listening to them . . . Cameron: . . . Sorry, I didn't catch that . . . Clegg: . . . that they don't really care what we do. Cameron: So they are as intoxicated by power as you? Clegg: Precisely. They weren't even bothered when Chris Huhne told them he was having second thoughts about nuclear power. Huhne: Oi. That's not quite fair. What I actually said was that nuclear power stations run on environmentally friendly, organic-enriched uranium are OK with me . . . Cable: I rather felt my searing attack on the bankers hit the mark . . . Osborne: Like anyone cares what you say . . . Simon Hughes: I just want to say once again how very much I'm rock-solidly behind the coalition. Osborne: You are way behind everyone that matters, pal. Cameron: Now, now. Don't be mean. Simon is doing a very important job. He's making the Cleggster look good. Clegg: So you think I'm looking good? Oh thank you, Daddy! Cameron: I didn't exactly say that . . . But tell me, how did your electoral reform stuff go down? Clegg: Oh, who cares about electoral reform when all we have is now! Five years close to your dreamy eyes and snake hips is worth a lifetime of electoral annihilation . . . Cameron: Talking of which . . . Do run along while I watch the Labour party choose a new leader.