Westminster digested

Osborne: So I'm right to have no Plan B. IMF: If you had listened carefully, you'd have heard us say that changing course now would probably be even more damaging . . . Osborne: Just shut the hell up . . . IMF: . . . and that the UK's growth rate is much lower than expected and unemployment much higher. Osborne: Yo Cams! How was your hols? Cameron: Ghastly, Ozzy. Osborne: What did you expect? Ibiza's dreadful. Still, at least you got away from the Cleggster for a bit. And the IMF has just given me a big thumbs up. Cameron: That's tremendous. Now, remind me. What is the IMF again? Osborne: I'm not sure, Cams. I think it must be some kind of focus group. Cameron: Jolly good. I like listening to people too. Lansley: What are you listening to at the moment, sire Cameron: The sound of your job disappearing down the toilet. Clarke: Are you sure it's not mine Cameron: Indecision is the hallmark of the decisive leader Everyone: Really? Cameron: Not sure. What do you think? Theresa May: My lord, it has come to my attention that there are many Mozzers here who wish to do us evil. Cameron: Good God! Does my black man, Barry Osama, know about this? May: My spies tell me he is one of them. Cameron: What shall we do? Hague: Sire, I shall order more air strikes against Venezuela. Cameron: Yup – where's the Cleggster? Clegg: Nnnnnnnnn . . . Cameron: I thought I said you could take the Cleggster's dummy out now I'm back, Ozzy. Osborne: Indeed you did, Cams. But the Lib Dems stuck it back in. Apparently they find him even more annoying and useless than we do. Cameron: We'd better wheel out the politician formerly known as Vince. Cable: Unions are Commie scum. Osborne: How did you house-train him, Cams? Telegraph Hotties: Vince is so sexy when he talks dirty. Milidee: Everyone: Be quiet. Milidee might be about to say something. Milidee: Everyone: Can anyone hear anything? An electrical brain connection, even? Milidee: Everyone: As you were. False alarm.