All the president's emails: Michelle Obama, Tina Fey and Pope Benedict

To: Michelle Obama <[email protected]>, Katie McCormick Lelyveld, Press Secretary to the First Lady <[email protected]> Subject: Re: Pushback strategies on FLOTUS/Carla Bruni "hell" story Believe me, though, just denying that you said being first lady was "hell" won't be good enough. Remember — the people who'll run with this think I'm a Kenyan-born communo-muslimist who forged his birth certificate. No, we'll have to release some video footage of the PRECISE MOMENT at which you didn't say it. Also, you should do some kind of public appearance where you don't say it again — repeatedly, if possible. Yes, I understand that this is philosophically incoherent. So do you. But they just elected a Senate candidate in Delaware who thinks Joe Biden taps her phone, and that Arwen the Elf Princess is a role model for American women. We mustn't forget who we're dealing with. BHO To: Tina Fey <[email protected]> Subject: Your secret's safe with me Oh, my God, I just worked it out! You've been rumbled! Such an audacious idea for a mockumentary — actually running in a primary as a record-breakingly eccentric candidate who's obsessed with masturbation and JRR Tolkien! Perfect characterisation as ever. You sure had me worried! Not sure what the Federal Election Commission will have to say about the deception part, but credit where credit's due. You've totally got me wondering whether "Joe Biden" might just be an elaborate multi-year exercise in comedy method acting by Tom Wilkinson. Anyway, can't wait for the new season of 30 Rock, Barack To: Pope Benedict XVI <[email protected]> Subject: Fwd: Thousands Crowd British Streets For Papal Visit << HA! Thanks for this, though I've got to say I find your fixation on our comparative crowd sizes a bit tiresome. It's not a competition! I realise you got a bit jumpy after my inauguration ceremony, and started making anonymous edits to the Wikipedia page on the largest gatherings of people in modern history, but I'm just not interested in the rivalry, I'm afraid. Warmly, Barack PS. See attached BBC story saying your crowds were far lower than expected. PPS. The Hajj pilgrimage always comes out number one in those crowd-size lists anyway.